Columbo: Candidate for Crime
1973 (TV)
(Columbo's car has been repaired. He's presented with the bill) Lt Columbo: That much, huh? Shelly: Wasn't the parts so much as the time it took. It's not easy to work on a car in that condition. Lt Columbo: Will you take a check? Shelly: You haven't got a credit card? Lt Columbo: I'm from the police. Lieutenant Columbo. Shelly: What, are you... undercover or something? Lt Columbo: No, I'm underpaid.
(Campaign manager Harry Stone insists that Congressional candidate Nelson Hayward leave his mistress) Nelson Hayward: Harry, I need her! Harry Stone: You don't need anybody but me! You can get rid of anybody but me, because I know where the bodies are buried, Nels. I buried 'em for you!
Lt Columbo: Evening, Commissioner. Deputy Commissioner: You're late, Lieutenant.
Vickie Hayward: Sometimes you frighten me. Nelson Hayward: What are you talking about? Vickie Hayward: That act you put on. Nelson Hayward: Act? Vickie Hayward: Mm-hmm, when you heard about Harry's being dead. Nelson Hayward: I was shocked! Vickie Hayward: That's what frightens me. You were so convincing! I know how you despised him!
Nelson Hayward: Uh, excuse me, Lieutenant, don't misunderstand. You're a very nice man, I like you very much, but I would hate to have to depend upon you if I was in a hurry for something. Lt Columbo: Geez, you know that's what my wife says... Nelson Hayward: I'm sure she does. Get to the point, Lieutenant. Lt Columbo: Right.
Lt Columbo: You know, isn't it funny the way people react under the stress of a situation?
(Lt Columbo wants to talk with Hayward but doesn't want to "inconvenience" him) Nelson Hayward: No, no, no... let's understand something, Lieutenant: See, you think I'm reluctant to talk to you, but you're wrong. I will talk to you as often as you want, for as long as you want, about anything you want. Lt Columbo: (taken aback) Oh. Oh, fine.
Lt Columbo: Yeah, this other thing is a genuine puzzle. I don't see any answer to this one. Nelson Hayward: Well, maybe I can help you. Lt Columbo: Let's hope so, sir. Nelson Hayward: For your sake, or mine? (Columbo remains silent)