A Charlie Brown Christmas
1965 (TV)
Linus Van Pelt: Gee. Do they still make wooden Christmas Trees?
Sally Brown: All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.
(Sally's letter to Santa) Sally: "Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want. Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?"
Lucy Van Pelt: You DO think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown? (pause) You didn't answer me. You had to think about it first. Didn't you? If you really didn't have to think about it you would've answered me right away. I know when I've been insulted. I KNOW WHEN I'VE BEEN INSULTED. Charlie Brown: Good grief.
Linus Van Pelt: I didn't know it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe all it needs is a little love.
Schroeder: This is the music I've set for the Christmas play. (Schroeder plays Fur Elise) Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of music is *that*? Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music. Lucy Van Pelt: What's so great about Beethoven? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great. (Schroeder stops playing) Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great? Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on a bubble gum card. Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on a bubble gum card? Schroeder: Good grief.
Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia. Charlie Brown: I don't think that's quite it. Lucy Van Pelt: How about cats? If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia. Charlie Brown: Well, sort of, but I'm not sure. Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia? Charlie Brown: What's pantophobia? Lucy Van Pelt: The fear of everything. Charlie Brown: THAT'S IT.
Linus Van Pelt: Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you are the Charlie Browniest.
Charlie Brown: Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet. Violet: I didn't send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown: Don't you know a sarcasm when you hear it?
Lucy Van Pelt: Auugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine! Snoopy: (sticking his tongue out) BLAHHHH!
Lucy Van Pelt: You're the innkeeper's wife. Frieda: Did innkeeper's wives have naturally curly hair?
Lucy Van Pelt: I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that. Charlie Brown: What is it you want? Lucy Van Pelt: Real estate.
Charlie Brown: Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?
Linus Van Pelt: Give me one good reason why I should memorize these lines. Lucy Van Pelt: I'll give you five good reasons. (proceeds to make a fist out of her fingers) Lucy Van Pelt: One, Two, Three, Four, Five. Linus Van Pelt: Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.
Charlie Brown: (shouting in desperation) Isn't there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about? Linus Van Pelt: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you. Lights, please. (A spotlight shines on Linus.) "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'". That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie brown.
Patty: Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue. It's fun. Linus Van Pelt: Mmm. Needs sugar. Lucy Van Pelt: It's too early. I never eat December snow. I always wait 'til January. Linus Van Pelt: They sure look ripe to me.
Lucy Van Pelt: Attention, everyone, here's our director. (Charlie Brown enters, while everyone applauds) Snoopy: Boooooooooooooooooooooo. Charlie Brown: (sarcastically) Man's best friend.
Lucy Van Pelt: Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells"? (Schroeder proceeds to play "Jingle Bells", which sounds like a traditional grand piano) Lucy Van Pelt: (interrupting) No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells". You know, deck them halls and all that stuff. (Schroeder begins to play again, with the piano sounding like an organ) Lucy Van Pelt: (interrupting again) No, no, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells". You know, Santa Claus, and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe... and presents for pretty girls... (gazes lovingly at Schroeder, who then out of frustration taps one key of the piano while playing "Jingle Bells", which sounds like a child's toy piano) Lucy Van Pelt: THAT'S IT.
Everyone: Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.
Shermy: Every Christmas it's the same. I always end up playing the shepherd.
Charlie Brown: I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.
Linus Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.
Lucy Van Pelt: Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.
Lucy Van Pelt: Look, Charlie, let's face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.
Lucy Van Pelt: You think you're so smart with that blanket. What are you going to do with it when you grow up? Linus Van Pelt: Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.
Pig-Pen: Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn't it? Frieda: You're an absolute mess! Just look at yourself! Pig-Pen: (looks at himself in a mirror) On the contraire. I didn't think I looked that good.
Charlie Brown: Pig-Pen, you're the only person I know who can raise a cloud in a snow storm.
(Linus knocks on an aluminum Christmas tree, which gives a metallic "clank") Linus Van Pelt: This really brings Christmas close to a person.
(Charlie Brown hangs an ornament on the tree; it bends over) Charlie Brown: I killed it. Everything I touch gets ruined.
Lucy Van Pelt: Pig-Pen, you're the innkeeper. Pig-Pen: In spite of my outward appearance, I shall try to keep a neat inn.