Carry On Girls
1973
Hope Springs: It's not her fault she has to wear a falsie. Sid Fiddler: What do you mean, "a" falsie? Hope Springs: She's got one bigger than the other. Sid Fiddler: Is that right? Hope Springs: No, left.
Augusta Prodworthy: And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors, I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would be detrimental to the good name of the borough. Sid Fiddler: Knickers! Mayor Frederick Bumble: Please, Councillor! I should strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew. Miss Drew: Ah, I beg your pardon, your worship? Mayor Frederick Bumble: Don't take down 'knickers'. Sid Fiddler: Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love? Mayor Frederick Bumble: Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you moderate your language while in committee. Augusta Prodworthy: I second that. Sid Fiddler: I do beg the Committee's pardon, your worship. But all this bleedin' codswollop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick! Miss Drew: Should I... ? Mayor Frederick Bumble: No, no!
Connie Philpotts: Hello, Mrs Dukes, I thought you were going to the cinema. Mrs Dukes: I did, but I had to leave. A young man sat next to me and started to make improper suggestions. Connie Philpotts: Again? Really, you should complain to the manager. Mrs Dukes: I can't - he's after me too, you see! Connie Philpotts: Well, Mrs Dukes, perhaps you shouldn't make yourself look quite so attractive. Mrs Dukes: Oh it's not that, I can't help it. I give out waves, you know. Connie Philpotts: Really? Mrs Dukes: Yes, my late husband used to call it OOMPH!
Connie Philpotts: You and a bunch of beauty queens? It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a blood bank! Sid Fiddler: Now, now, wait a minute, that's not true. You know I don't go for beautiful women: I like you. Connie Philpotts: That does it! Go on! You lecherous so-and-so, go on, GET OUT!
Miss Dawn Brakes: Excuse me, is this the train to the beauty contest? Peter Potter: Yes, that's right. Miss Dawn Brakes: Oh good. (to Paula) Are you coming? Paula Perkins: Certainly not! (Miss Dawn Brakes looks Paula Perkins up and down) Miss Dawn Brakes: Perhaps you're right. (Looking into the carriage; to Peter) Are you in this one? Peter Potter: That's right, I am. Miss Dawn Brakes: I'll join you then. Paula Perkins: (Suspiciously) You didn't tell me anything about a beauty contest! Peter Potter: I think I'd better go!
Ida Downs: What do you want us to wear? Sid Fiddler: Oh, anything that brings out your best... points Miss... ? Ida Downs: Downs, Ida Downs. Sid Fiddler: Ah, I bet you come from Beds. Ida Downs: No - Bristol. Sid Fiddler: I should have guessed. Ida Downs: I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit. Sid Fiddler: Great - just wear one piece of that! Ida Downs: Will they publish pictures like that? Larry: Not in my paper!
Ida Downs: Oh! You're a dirty old man! Admiral: (to Connie) Mrs Philpotts, I wish to complain. This young woman molested me. Ida Downs: Well, I like that! Admiral: Whether you like it or not, my dear, is quite immaterial. Sid Fiddler: (to Ida) Yes, all right, darling, I'll sort it out. Admiral: Cheeky little thing! I'd like to put her across my knee. Connie Philpotts: I'm sure you would, Admiral!
Miss Bangor: Excuse me, are you going to Fircombe? Peter Potter: This train's going there, yes.
Sid Fiddler: Connie, have you got a room for this young lady please? Connie Philpotts: Well, of course, Sidney! (Handing over the key) Connie Philpotts: I think you'll find this an ideal one. Sid Fiddler: Thank you, Connie. Hey, just a minute, that's for the broom cupboard. Connie Philpotts: That's right: where we keep all the scrubbers! Sid Fiddler: (to a furious Hope) All right, all right, keep your hair on! (Hands her another key) Here, go and change in mine. I'll sort it out later. Hope Springs: Ta. I heard that - does she fancy you or something? Sid Fiddler: You know how it is, a widow with a place like this, things get on top of her. Hope Springs: Yeah, I bet they do. Frequently!
Augusta Prodworthy: Is that you, Rosemary? Rosemary: Yes. Augusta Prodworthy: (In reference to the morning newspaper with a picture of Mayor Bumble on the front with his trousers down) Have you seen this? Augusta Prodworthy: Yes - bloody disgrace! Still, what can you expect from a man?
(at the railway station, Susan asks Peter where the train is going in a flirtatious manner) Susan Brooks: Are we all right for Fircombe? Peter Potter: (eyes glued on Susan) I'm sure you are! Paula Perkins: I'm beginning to see why you don't want me down there.
Connie Philpotts: It's your girls I'm talking about, I've heard them all night long, doors banging ... Sid Fiddler: Blimey, when you've got young dollies around you have to expect a bit of banging. Connie Philpotts: Well, I expect you to get them into bed at a reasonable hour. Sid Fiddler: I promise you, I'll do my very best!