Carry On Behind
1975
(Prof. Anna Vrooshka crashes into Prof. Crump's caravan) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Good Mornings, so sorry! Prof. Roland Crump: Well that's alright, don't mention it. The Dean: Crump, I'd like you to meet Professor Vrooshka. (In a heavy Russian accent) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: How are you doinks?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: I have been examining Hadrian's Walls. Prof. Roland Crump: He only had one. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: One what? Prof. Roland Crump: He had one, one wall. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Terribly sorry, my English not yet perfected.
The Dean: I'm glad to see you two look like hitting it off. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Hitting it off, what does hit it off mean? Means like having it off, no? Prof. Roland Crump: Oh no, it means establishing a friendly relationship.
(In a heavy Russian Accent) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Don't worry me and Professor Crump will soon be having it off. Prof. Roland Crump: HITTING IT OFF!
(In Fred Ramsden's Butcher Shop) Fred Ramsden: Hello Elss Mrs Rowan: Hello love, give us a bit of that for the old man. Fred Ramsden: Give that to your husband and your in for a night of romance. Mrs Rowan: Ooh, can I do it in the oven? Fred Ramsden: Do it where you like, its your kitchen. Mrs Rowan: Ooh!
(Linda's mother brings her cacti on holiday with her) Linda Upmore: Mummy your not bringing them are you? Daphne Barnes: Well I can't leave them at home, they'll die. Arthur Upmore: Good. Daphne Barnes: Did you say something? Arthur Upmore: I said good, we've nearly finished packing. (Daphne asks the taxi driver who brought her plants to put them somewhere safe, but Arthur gets a prodd from the Cactus on his bottom) Daphne Barnes: Put that on the table will you? Arthur Upmore: AHH! BLOODY HELL! Daphne Barnes: Arthur, there is no need for that! Arthur Upmore: Oh deary me, bless me soul, I do believe I nearly said a rude word, which is not suprising since I nearly got a cactus spike right up my a... Daphne Barnes: ARTHUR!
(Fred Ramsden loses his Beach Ball and it ends up on Barnes' fire) Barnes: What you yelling about? Fred Ramsden: My balls burning! Barnes: Don't stand so close to the fire.
Prof. Roland Crump: You mean the students got here before us? Maj. Leep: Yes, were you held up? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Yes, before we started we had quick bang together. Prof. Roland Crump: She ran into my caravan! Maj. Leep: Oh? Prof. Roland Crump: No! No! She collided with it now its a complete right-off.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: It's ok we are squeezing in somehow. Prof. Roland Crump: We will do nothing of the sort!
(Professor Vrooshka and Professor Crump bargain with Barnes to rent his derelict looking caravan) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Fifteen quids a veek. Barnes: Twenty. Prof. Roland Crump: The only reason why we want the dilapidated mobile hovel, is for somewhere to do out operations. Barnes: Operations? What operations? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: He will be getting them out and I will be examining them and schticking labels on them.
Prof. Roland Crump: We can't share a caravan. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: You thinking you getting crumpet, no? Prof. Roland Crump: Certainly not, where on earth did you learn that expression? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Crumpet, is to squash it, it is in dictionary, crumpet is to squash it together. Prof. Roland Crump: Oh! You mean cramped. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Its what I say crumpet. Prof. Roland Crump: Crumpet, crumbit, crampit, well I'm not staying round here much longer, I'm going to the pub to see if they have rooms there. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Maybe you're getting crumpet in pub also?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: So you are sleeping in caravan? Prof. Roland Crump: I suppose we could divide it up or something. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: H'ok, if you wishink.
(Professor Vrooshka cleans her dirty caravan but finds her scrubbing brush isn't up to standard to do the job) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Ahh, scrubber. Scrubber no working, borrowing from comrades. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Excuse please, ahh this is nice, this is very nice, no? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: In this caravan your not getting much crumpet, no? Arthur Upmore: Pardon? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: CRUMPET. Arthur Upmore: Yes that's what I thought you said. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: You see, I am keeping a, how you say, a dirrrty caravan. Arthur Upmore: Keeping a what? Prof. Anna Vrooshka: You see, I am having birds in my caravan you want to come and see? Arthur Upmore: No thank you, not just now. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Therefore, I am going round camp looking for scrubbers. Arthur Upmore: Really?
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Excuse please, you have scrubbers in caravan? Ernie Bragg: Certainly not!
(in the shower block, Linda Upmore tries to find her husband, Arthur) Linda Upmore: Oh I do beg your pardon, my husband has one just like yours. Joe Baxter: Hey? Linda Upmore: It's also creased and wrinkled.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Tomorrow, we are poking holes all over caravan site. Prof. Roland Crump: I don't think they would like that at all. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: It's ok, we are poking early.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: I'm sorry Major but I'm not loving you. Maj. Leep: Yes, but... Prof. Anna Vrooshka: You see, when I love a man I give him everything, I give it all. Maj. Leep: But I don't want it all, I just want a bit.
Prof. Anna Vrooshka: It's time for knocking off! Prof. Roland Crump: Time for what?
(In a heavy Russian accent and in reference to the strip teeze) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: It is wrong for a lady to show her kernickers in public, No?
(Professor Vrooshka objects to the strip teeze act at the Caravan site clubhouse) Prof. Anna Vrooshka: What is lady doing? Prof. Roland Crump: It's a kind of dance. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: Very perculiar, in my country we don't have dance like this. Prof. Roland Crump: No, you have mixed bathing instead. Prof. Anna Vrooshka: But lady is not taking bath.