Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
1989
Dr Kurtz: This is a war! A war between men and women. Anything short of cannibalism is just beating around the bush.
Frat Rat: This is gonna be a toga party and a beer bust, and for special girls like you, we are going to be having a wet T-shirt contest. Bunny: But all my T-shirts are dry.
Jim: Do you know what jungle herb cures the poisonous bite of the river snake? Do you know where the only land route is around the white waters of death? Do you know the way through the secret maze caves that lie underneath hangman's cliff? Huh, do you? Margo Hunt: Well, no, I don't. Do you? Jim: Well, no, but I have this paperback.
Dr Margo Hunt: Dr Kurtz, I'm unfamiliar with the academic guidelines at Radcliffe, but I would think any major university would consider warring on the United States and eating prisoners of war a serious breach of ethics. Dr Kurtz: Always the cautious scholar, huh, Dr Hunt?
Dr Margo Hunt: Bunny, Bunny, you don't have to live your life to please me. The important thing is that you're happy. And as for what I've taught you, well, listen, I've always believed that every woman should get as much education and intellectual stimulation as possible, and that she should develop her mental abilities to their utmost potential. But in your case, well, there's just no point.
Dr Kurtz: All right, I was exploiting the Piranha women. You don't know what it was like. David Letterman, God, the horror... the horrow of that show... the horror.
Dr Margo Hunt: The women of this jungle must unite, and I'm going to settle a score with a certain renegade ethnographer.
Jim: I'd rather have you kill me than make me a gelding.
Jim: Gee, you guys are pretty big, for wimps. Of course, the joke's on you when those broads come back and start picking out ingredients for chicken McMacho.
Jim: Bunny, don't worry! You'll save me!
Dr Margo Hunt: The secret temple of the Piranha women. Their architecture is surprisingly advanced. Jim: It looks like a big lego to me.
Bunny: I have a lot of fantasies about being tied up and spanked. I suppose it isn't very liberated, is it? What kind of fantasies do feminists have?
Jim: All you women have ever done is, what? Some French chick invented kryptonite, or something.
Margo Hunt: It was a one-night stand. I was half-drunk and left right after we had sex. We didn't say eight words to each other, and all yours were composed of one syllable. Jim: Hah! Just like you to count the words, Dr Hunt.
Margo Hunt: They're an ancient commune of feminists, so radical, so militant, so left of center they... they eat their men. Bunny: Oh, that. Well, if I like a guy, I usually start at - Margo Hunt: They don't eat their men like that, Bunny.
Dr Margo Hunt: Can I tell you a secret I've never told anyone before? Bunny: Sure. Dr Margo Hunt: In a way, Jim is right; I am afraid of men. My relationships have been, well, I've had a lot of one-night stands. A little to drink, you know, give myself an excuse, then I subconsciously fall for jerks I know I'll never be emotionally involved with. It's all so empty, passionless, really. I guess deep down I'm afraid that there can never be any real respect or equality between the sexes, not really. I've avoided commitment because I'm afraid I'll be emotionally dominated by my lover or equally sad that I dominate him. I guess that seems kind of strange, huh? Bunny: Can I tell you something too, Dr Hunt, something I've never told anybody before? Dr Margo Hunt: Of course, Bunny, I'm glad we get to share this. Bunny: Well, sometimes when I'm with a guy, I wish that he'd tie me up with red licorice ropes, and then spank me, and then he'd eat the ropes, and then he'd free me, and then we'd make love while the Philharmonic played "Bolero". Dr Margo Hunt: Thank you, Bunny, you've really put my thoughts in perspective. Bunny: I feel better too.
Margo Hunt: San Bernardino, a rough speck of civilization on the edge of the avocado belt. We'll head down to some local establishments and see if we can find a mercenary to guide us through the jungle. Bunny: (scared) I've never been to San Bernardino before. Margo Hunt: Don't worry, Bunny, (extracts gun) we'll be all right.