Anya: Clearly our number is a retro-pastiche that's never going to be a break-away pop hit.

Cordelia: Hi, Mr Beech. I was just wondering, were you planning on killing a bunch of people tomorrow? Oh, it's for the yearbook

Anya: Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins, 20 years old, born on the 4th of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, Mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.

(about her roomate) Buffy: Ugh. She's even affecting my work now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (Kicks and breaks the bench) She's other... really... bad things. Oz: On the plus side, you killed the bench which was lookin' shifty.

Buffy, Anya, Willow, Xander, Giles, Tara: (singing) There's nothing we can't face. Anya: (singing) Except for bunnies.

Parking Ticket Woman: (singing) I'm asking you please no./This isn't right, this isn't fair./There was no parking anywhere./I think that hydrant wasn't there.

Spike: (singing) I hope she fries./ I'm free if that bitch dies./ . . .I'd better help her out.

Dawn: Math. This seemed more fun when we were singing about it.

(Tara sees some guys checking her out) Tara Maclay: Oh my god. I'm cured. I want the boys.

Xander: (singing) You're the cutest of the Scoobies/ With your lips as red as rubies/ And your firm yet supple... tight embrace.

Rupert Giles: We have to talk. Buffy: I don't suppose this is about happy squirrels? Rupert Giles: Vampires. Buffy: That was my next guess.

Spike: That's right, big bad is back and looking for a little death.

Xander: The cavalry is here. Of course the cavalry is a scared guy with a rock.

Xander: Bad. Very very very bad. Bad. Anya: He's still a little traumatized.

Manny: I'm Manny the manager. It's not a joke, it's just my name.

Andrew Wells: I was about to be dead. You saved me. Buffy: For the time being. But if you don't tell us what we need to know, then I'm gonna offer you to The First on a platter and let him chop you into tiny pieces. Andrew Wells: The first what? Anya: The name of the evil thing that pretended to be Warren to get you to kill Jonathan. Andrew Wells: Oh, not very ominous sounding. Dawn: No, it is if you understand the context. Andrew Wells: No, an evil name should be like Lex or Voldemort, or...

Dawn: There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.

Rupert Giles: Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse.

Buffy: We need more muscle. That's why we need to find Spike. Anya: Yeah, he'll help. You know, if he's not crazy or off killing people or dead. Or, you know, all of the above.

(Spike has amnesia, thinks Giles is his father) Spike: Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport. Something red, shiny.

(Watching TV) Spike: Pacey, you blind idiot, can't you see she doesn't love you?

Spike: (Spike is a human) Oh, quickly. I'm the very spirit of vexation. What's another word for "gleaming"? It's a perfectly perfect word as many words go but the bother is nothing rhymes, you see.

Jenny Calendar: (as the First) I'm not a demon, little girl. I'm something you can't conceive. The first evil. Beyond sin, beyond death... I am the thing darkness fears. You will never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate... Buffy: All right. I get it, you're evil.

Xander: And we thought just because we didn't have any money or any place to go, that this would be a lackluster evening. Willow: I know. We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own teabags and ask for hot water. Xander: Hop off the outlaw train Will, before you land us all in jail.

Xander: Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike. Are you still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen. Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony or a nut sack like Druscilla...

Spike: Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis, like when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it. Doris Kroger: I'm sorry, did you say... Buffy: Crib. Crib. He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.

(Social worker finds suspicious bag) Buffy: You know, I know what that looks like, but I-I swear it's not what it looks like. It's magic weed. It's not mine.

Jonathan: We got a lot bigger problems bonehead, the slayer's invisible now. Andrew Wells: He's right. She could be anywhere, even here right now, watching, listening to every word we say. For all we know, she could be one of us... (All stare at each other suspiciously) Oh, wait, no guys, that isn't true.

The Baljox's Eye: The eye sees not the future, only the truth of the now and before. Anya: Yes, we've all got that, it's called memory.

Kennedy: What's your story, Willow, I mean, witchcraft? Wow, that sounds new-agey. Willow: No, it's safe to say that what I practice is definitely old-agey.

Anya: I made the rounds myself. Tried to dig up anything useful from the demon community. Xander: They're a community now? What's next, the Ladies' Auxiliary?

Willow: Last time I tried using magic, The First, it turned it around on me. Got inside. I felt it just surging through me, every fiber of my being. Pure, undiluted evil. I could taste it. Kennedy: How's evil taste? Willow: A little chalky.

Cordelia: I do well on standardized tests. (pause from everyone) Cordelia: What? I can't have layers?

Willow: So you feeling better about Angel? Buffy: Well we talked, then, then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me and then we talked some more. Willow: See? That's how it should work.

(the Slayers-In-Training are looking at weapons) Rona: Gotta go with a stake. It's classic. I like the feel of wood in my hand. Kennedy: Lost me there.

Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something is wrong. My spider sense is tingling. Giles: Your spider sense? Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.

Buffy: You're all gonna die. But you knew that already, 'cause that's the cool reward for being human.

Andrew Wells: What's going on? Anya: Dawn's gonna be a Slayer. Andrew Wells: Holy crap. Excuse me. Plucked from an ordinary life, handed a destiny... Xander: Say "Skywalker" and I'll smack ya.

Spike: Nice job of blending in, girls. Vi: We're a bunch of 15-year-olds in a demon bar. How much blending did you think we were gonna do?

(Cordelia and Giles are looking at demons in books) Cordelia: Eww, what does this do? Giles: What? Cordelia: What does this do? Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells. Cordelia: Wow. What does this one do? Giles: Um, I, it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors. Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do? (points to another) Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done. Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.

Kennedy: Let's start with the easy stuff. How long have you known? That you were gay? Willow: Wait. That's easy? What, you just assume that I'm, I'm gay? I mean, presume much? Kennedy: Okay, sorry. (pause) How long have you enjoyed having sex with women? Willow: Hey. What, you think you have some sort of special... lesbi-dar or something? Kennedy: Okay, you know there's a better word for that, right?

Xander: I think the student exchange program is cool. It's a beautiful melding of two cultures. Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program? Xander: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?

Buffy: I wasn't going to use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I? Xander: The important thing is *you* believe that.

Willow: Maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke. Xander: For 21 hours? Willow: It's addictive, you know.

Xander: Oh yeah, fall for the old "Let me translate that ancient seal for you" come-on. Do you know how many times I've used that?

Giles: Is everyone here okay? Cordelia: Super. I kicked a guy. Xander: Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial. (to dead guy) Been meaning to thank you for that.

(Dead body liquefies) Willow: Well, there's something you don't see everyday. Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy until I'm 30.

Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find? Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?

Cordelia: Do you know what you need Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain. Xander: That's it. Twelve years of you and I'm snapping. I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwing down, come on.

Xander: Hey, I see sitting where there should be dancing. Anya: Come share in the joy of our groove thang. Willow: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.

Buffy: You can't do anything with the information you have, except maybe publish it in the Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's home journal...

Willow: Can you always tell, just by looking at someone if they're gay? Kennedy: No, no of course not. Wouldn't be any fun. The fun part is the process of getting to know a girl. Its like, its like flirting in code. It's using body language and laughing at the right jokes and looking into her eyes and knowing she's whispering to you even when she's not saying a word. And that sense that if you could just touch her, just once, everything would be okay, for both of you. That's how you can tell. Or if she's really hot you just get her drunk and see if she comes on to you.

Anya: How 'bout you, ever play Shiver Me Timbers? Tara Maclay: I'm not really much for the timber.

Principal Snyder: You will sell it to raise money for the marching band. They need new uniforms. Xander: Yeah. Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh? Oz: But they go with everything.

(all the adults are acting like teenagers) Buffy: Principal Snyder? Principal Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... Barbarino.

(Spike has kidnapped Willow and Xander) Willow: He-he wants me to do a love spell. Xander: What? Willow: Drusilla broke up with him. Xander: Gee, and we had all hoped those crazy kids would make it work.

(Spike wants Willow to do a spell for him) Spike: Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him (indicates Xander) and you try again.

Willow: Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party. Oz: It's okay. Willow: But you could come. If you want to. Oz: Well, I don't wanna crash. Willow: No, it's fine. Well, you could be m... my date. Oz: All right. I'm in. Willow: (to herself) I said 'date'.

Spike: Harm, what are you doing. Harmony Kendall: I'm writing Spike loves Harmony on your back. Spike: Why? Harmony Kendall: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me. Spike: I've got to get back to work. Harmony Kendall: You love that tunnel more than me. Spike: I love syphilis more than you.

Xander: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us. Oz: I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed. Giles: I, ah, uh, uh. Willow: Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art.

Buffy: It's a phone thing. Spike: Who ya gonna call? God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it? Buffy: Doubt it.

(trying to explain why everyone is in Buffy's basement) Cordelia: Boy, that was the best scavenger hunt ever.

(Willow and Buffy are arguing) Buffy: Will, let's be realistic here. Your basic spells are usually only fifty-fifty. Willow: Oh yeah? Well, - so's your face.

Jonathan: Think. Willow brought something into the house. Something that you can use... Andrew Wells: The new microwave?

Xander: It's like, where's Riley? Oh yeah, the Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell.

Giles: Um, Anya, while I completely trust you to take care of the inventory and the money, dealing with people requires a certain finesse. Anya: I have finesse. I have finesse coming out of my bottom. I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods.

Xander: So, how goes the slaying? Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night. Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration, here a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff. Buffy: Pretty standard, vampire staking. Oh, but I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple. Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.

Willow: Come on, it'll be fun. We could show you how to do some stuff. You could be floating pencils by the end of the day. Anya: Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh. I know what this is, this is peer pressure. Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and have drugs.

Xander: Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya and Willow will get this look, this what-the-Hell-do-you-see-in-her look. Spike: I know that look. A lot of people never really got Dru, you know. Xander: She was insane.

Olaf: You there, do you know where there are babies? Spike: (to Xander) What do you think, the hospital?

Xander: Well we can take care of the hungry, so sit down in one of the sturdier chairs, and we can have a calm talk and something to eat. Olaf: Can it be babies? Xander: Well, not so much... But maybe some roast pigs... and stags... and much hardy grog. Spike: They've got this onion thing...

Xander: It fitted when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now? Buffy: It'll fit. Xander: Aw man, what if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund? And then the whole world will be able to see the place where my pants meet my shirt. Buffy, that cannot happen. I must wear Das Cummerbund.

Xander: It's dead. Buffy: Yep. Willow: Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof? Maybe we can cover it with flowers.

Buffy: What's the deal with Manny the manager? If I ask him really nicely do you think he'd let me write a children's book called that?

(On invading the Trio's lair) Willow: There was also some normal stuff, razor scooters, pictures of the vulcan lady from Enterprise. Xander: Ooooo, I mean, geeks.

Phillip: You put the beef on the grill, hit the button, then it beeps. You flip the beef, hit the other button, then it beeps. You put it on the bun... there's no button for that. Buffy: Repeat until insane.

Buffy: We need to analyze that burger to find out if it used to be people. Xander: (moth full of burger) What? People? Buffy: Xander, you ate the burger? Xander: Well, first you say it's cat, then you come in, hand me a burger, blah, blah, blah, five minutes later, oh yeah it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh.

Xander: Yeah, great knife. Although I think, technically, it may be a sword. Jack O'Toole: She's called Katie. Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you.

Buffy: Will, how much do you know about the chip? Willow: Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build web sites.

Willow: I have a history with my witchy subconscious making things go kerfloopey.

(telling Buffy about a new assignment) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: You will go tonight. Look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here. Buffy: I just love it when you take charge, you man, you.

(Cordelia has found out Wesley is returning to England) Cordelia: I demand an explanation. Xander: For what? Cordelia: Wesley. Xander: Uh - inbreeding?

(introduction to graduation) Principal Snyder: Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so: sit still and be quiet.

Spike: Get up. Get out. Get drunk. Repeat as needed.

Anya: The rapid reproductive rate of our rabbits... has given me an idea. I can give the excess out to the townspeople, exchanging them not for goods or services, but for goodwill and the sense of accomplishment that stems from selflessly giving of yourself to others. Olaf: Ha, ha, ha. Sweet Aud. Your logic is insane and happenstance, like that of a troll.

Andrew Wells: Babe II was underrated. That'll do, pig, that'll do.

(Buffy can hear everyone's thoughts) Oz: (Thinking) I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist. (Out loud) Hmm. Xander: (Thinking) What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Four times five is thirty. Five times six is thirty-two. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me. Buffy: God, Xander. Is that all you think about? Xander: Actually... bye. (Runs out of the room)

Anya: (singing) I've boned a troll I've wreaked some wrath, but on the whole I've had no path, I like to bowl I'm good with math but who am I? Now I reply that- I'm the missus.

Spike: The sun sets, and she appears.

Xander: Wait... I'm having an idea. Now I'm having a plan. (the lights go out) Xander: ... and now I'm having a wiggins.

Buffy: I think we need to get him some fresh blood. Willow: Do you want me to kill Anya?

Giles: Buffy, there's got to be some way of fighting Glory. Anya: Piano. Xander: Piano? Anya: We should drop a piano on her. I mean, it always works for that creepy cartoon character rabbit when he beats that nice hunter with the speech impediment. Xander: Yeah, cause that's what we used to kill that big demon one time. No wait, that was a rocket launcher. Giles: (sarcastic) Yes, or maybe we could paint a convincing tunnel on the side of a mountain.

Doc: What can I do for you boys? You want some cocoa? I was just getting ready to warm up a little. Spike: Thanks awfully, no. We need information. We need... Xander: Ben is Glory. Doc: Who's what? Spike: Look at this. Special Ed remembers. Xander: Yeah. I do. Ben's Glory. Glory, Ben. It's like a fog is lifting. Spike: Wonderful. But not why we're here.

Spike: You think you can fool me? You were my sire, man. You were my... Yoda. Angel: Things change. Spike: Not us. Not demons. Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom.

Willow: I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them.

Xander: Flowers for m'lady. Buffy: I think they call those balloons now. Xander: Well... put them in water. Maybe they'll grow.

Xander: (to Olaf) You are one crazy troll. You're asking me to choose between my girlfriend and my best friend... that's insane troll logic.

Riley: They key element to world domination? Coffee makers that think.

Giles: Go on, put your back into it. A Watcher scoffs at gravity.

Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those

Xander: Hallelujah.

Angel: The world wants me gone. Buffy: What about me? I love you so much. And I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help. And I hate it. I hate that it's so hard, and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did because you did it to me. Oh god, I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I can't.

(Presenting Buffy with secret Council files) Rupert Giles: When I learned what was happening, I stole them. Anya: And you blew the Council up. See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed, you overreact.

Buffy: Are you still filming me? Stop. Andrew Wells: But it's a valuable record. An important document for the ages. "A Slayer in Action." Buffy: "A Nerd in Pain." Would they like that? We could do that.

Amanda: If we don't save the world, then... nothing matters. Kennedy: That's catchy, Amanda. Let's make that our slogan.

Principal Robin Wood: You have visions? Buffy: Sometimes. Principal Robin Wood: Well, how do you know that they're not just dreams? Buffy: You're running to catch the bus naked? That's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision. Also, I was awake.

(Giles is in charge of the school talent show) Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny. Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped. Buffy: Nah. I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch.

(practicing pick up lines) Giles: W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable.

Xander: Angel was in your bedroom? Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.

Xander: So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (to Oz) She does spells with Tara. Oz: Yeah, I heard about that. Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and then I do a spell by myself.

(In Xander's dream) Spike: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff. Giles: Spike's like a son to me. Xander: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on. You gotta have something. Gotta be with movin' forward. Buffy: Like a shark. Xander: Like a shark with feet and... much less fins. Spike: And on land. Giles: Very good.

Spike: Oh you have got to be joking. What now? Rupert Giles: It has to access the cerebral cortex via the... optic nerve. Spike: Oh bollocks. All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain. Rupert Giles: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

Dawn: So it might not work? Rupert Giles: Well the stone's just a catalyst for the process. The rest is up to Spike. Spike: And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?

Spike: Little tip mate. A stake's your friend. Don't be afraid to use it.

Buffy: Any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones.

Rupert Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe. Buffy: Giles, what's wrong? Rupert Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen.

Rupert Giles: Let me get this straight: you think I'm evil if I take a group of teenage girls on a camping trip and I *don't* touch them?

(They all look where he was, but he has disappeared. The library doors

Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on

Dru has broken up with Spike) Spike: We killed a homeless man here once. He begged for his life which only made us bite harder. (laughs) Buffy: I guess you had to be there.

(after Xander's speech about Buffy) Faith: Damn, I didn't know you were so cool. Buffy: Well, you've always been slow.

(after Faith compares him to Angel) Spike: Angel's as dull as a table lamp, and we have much different coloring.

Caleb: What can I say? I work in mysterious ways. (Kills a slayer) Also some fairly straightforward ones.

(in song) Buffy: Every single night the same arrangement I go out and fight the fight. Still I always feel this strange estrangement nothing here is real, nothing here is right. I've been making shows of trading blows just hoping no one knows that I've been going through the motions, walking through the part. Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.

(in song) Anya: Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies. Bunnies it must be bunnies. Or maybe midgets.

Faith: You're protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?

Xander: Guys, guess what happened. Willow: Buffy got a date! Xander: No, I did! (looks at Buffy) Fine, way to steal my thunder. Buffy: Sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First. Xander: Also like ten years older than you, right? Willow: Which is like 100 years younger than your type! Buffy: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the industrial revolution.

Andrew: We're fugitives, haunted by our past, tormented by a message we don't understand. Jonathan: We're hunted men, driven mad by forces beyond our understanding. Andrew: We're men of hidden power, tortured from within by-by a voice from out of nowhere. Jonathan: I don't deserve this. I wasn't even that evil. Andrew: I thought you were evil. Jonathan: Yeah? Andrew: Sure. I respected your ideas for evil projects, and I thought you had good follow-through. Jonathan: Oh, well, thanks. It's nice that you noticed.

Buffy: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home. Dawn: Yeah well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me. Buffy: Fine. I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night, that you got Anya hurt, invited a vampire in, got kidnapped...

Xander: Will hiding in a cabin with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan? Buffy: No. Xander: (to Willow) Told you.

Xander: I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come against her. She's laid down her life - literally - to protect the people around her. This girl has *died* two times, and she's still standing. You're scared, that's smart. You got questions, you should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill... then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart - and this time not literally - and I'll tell you right now she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it.

(about the potential Slayers) Faith: No more Starbucks for the wannabes, man. They've been spazzing for like, hours.

Kennedy: I don't care if it's Godzilla. I want to get in this thing. Andrew: Godzilla's mostly Tokyo-based, so he's probably a no-show. Amanda: Besides, if Matthew Broderick can kill Godzilla, how tough is he? Andrew: (pained) Xander... Xander: Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big, dumb lizard. That was not the real Godzilla.

Buffy: If this place is a trap, we give the signal, you guys come in, guns a-blazing. Xander: So, what's the signal? Buffy: I'm thinking lots and lots of yelling.

Cordelia: Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine,

Buffy: Um, over? Cordelia: So over. James Spader. Buffy: He needs to call me. Cordelia: Frappaccinos. Buffy: Trendy, but tasty. Cordelia: John Tesh. Buffy: The Devil. Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed.

Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us. Xander: No, we're not going to (in Dracula's accent) "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? (as the Count on Sesame Street) Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha.

Willow: 'I like you at bedtime?' You actually said that? Buffy: I know, I know. Willow: Man, that's like... I-I dunno, that's moxie or something.

Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting. Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes. Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night? Willow: Oh. I can't. Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.

(Angel gives Buffy a ring) Angel: My people - before I was changed - they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this.

(Mr Maclay is trying to take Tara) Xander: You're dealing with all of us. Spike: 'Cept me. Xander: 'Cept Spike. Spike: I don't care what happens.

Andrew: I-I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good. Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things. Andrew: Ooh, I love those. Spike: Yeah, me, too. Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I-I don't understand how such a thing is possible. Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes. Andrew: Masterful. Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you. Andrew: Right.

(to Buffy) Anya: You really do think you're better than we are. But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy. But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.

(to Faith) Buffy: Don't... be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It's only gonna get harder. Protect them, but lead them.

Buffy: Looks like an old vineyard. Kennedy: An evil vineyard huh. Spike: Like Falcon Crest.

Buffy: Something I'm supposed to be doing. Faith: Oh yeah miles to go, little Miss Muffet counting down from 730.

Willow: Well, things with Oz are weird. And I talked to Buffy about it, but I think we're in guyville here. I need a translator from the "y" side of things. Xander: Well, last time I checked, I had the creds. Hit me. Willow: What does it mean when a girl wants to... You know. Xander: If you're doin' it, I think you should be able to say it. Willow: Make love. Xander: Wild monkey love or tender Sarah Mclachlan love?

(Angelus and Spike are about to trade blows) Darla: (sing-song) Look's like our boys are going to fight. Drusilla: The King of Cups expects a picnic. But this is not his birthday. Darla: Good point.

Buffy: I don't have time for your vendetta, but I need you in this fight. I want you on my side. Principal Robin Wood: Thanks. That means a lot. Buffy: So, we good? Principal Robin Wood: Absolutely. You're fired. Buffy: What? Principal Robin Wood: Effective immediately. Buffy: You're firing me? I just refrained from kicking your ass.

Faith: I've met you before, you know. Spike: Yeah, you made a great impression on my chin.

Rupert Giles: Spike, I have a mission for you. Spike: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes our missions end up with you trying to kill me. I'm not fond of those.

Faith: This town, walking anywhere after dark is like an extreme sport.

Kennedy: You have to pretend there's a big party here. Xander: That's fine. Parties in this house, I usually end up having to rebuild something.

(about Matthew Broderick) Andrew: I miss Ferris-Matthew. I find Broadway-Matthew cold.

Buffy: A girl is dead because of me. Spike: And how many people are alive because of you? How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale. Buffy: That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body. Spike: Buffy... Buffy: You can't understand why this is killing me, can you? Spike: Why don't you explain it? Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl. Buffy: (beats him up) I am not your girl. You don't... have a soul. There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside. You can't feel anything real. I could never... be your girl. Spike: You always hurt... the one you love, pet.

Buffy: I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much fire bad, tree pretty. Giles: Understandable. Well, when it's working again congratulate it on a good campaign. You did very well. Buffy: Thank you. I will. Giles: I ah... I managed to ferret this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but... (pulls out a high school diploma) I'd say you earned it. There is a certain dramatic irony that's attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on... on predestination, one might say. Buffy: Fire bad, tree pretty.

Oz: Once again, the Hellmouth puts the "special" in "special occasion".

(after capturing Buffy) The Master: You tried. It was noble of you. You heard the prophecy that I was going to break free and you came to stop me. But prophecies are tricky creatures. They don't tell you everything. You're the one that sets me free. If you hadn't come, I couldn't go. Think about that.

Andrew: You're like the perfect woman. Anya: I've often thought so.

(after a battle on graduation day) Oz: Guys, take a moment to deal with this. We survived. Not the battle. High school.

Buffy: I trust you with my life. That's why I need you to do this for me. Xander: Okay. Buffy: Also, you can't shoot a bow and arrow anymore and every time you swing a sword I worry you're gonna break one of our good lamps. Xander: Hey... Buffy: Don't look at me. You're the one who said I'm gonna die. Xander: I didn't say you're gonna die. I, I... implied you're gonna die. Totally different. Buffy: Yeah, okay. Sure. Xander: Besides... If you die I'll just bring you back to life. That's what I do.

Buffy: You're a dope. Spike: I'm what? Buffy: You're a dope, and a bonehead, and, and you're shirty. Spike: Have you gone completely Carrot-top? Buffy: You see this? This may actually help me fight my war. It may be the key to everything and the reason I'm holding it is 'cause of you. Because of last night, the strength you gave me. I'm tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals - I've got Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth. I don't know how you feel about last night, but I'm not gonna... Spike: Terrified.

Andrew: Oh, and there's a box full of ointments... I used one a' these on a rash once. Anya: Show me. Andrew: Well, it's healed up, but it was sort of red and crusty with little itchy places... Anya: Show me the box full of ointments, you little freak.

Guardian: What's your name? Buffy: Buffy. Guardian: No, really.

Angel: (as Angelus) You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered. Buffy: That doesn't work any more. You're not Angel. Angel: (as Angelus) You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter. The important thing is you made me the man I am today.

Andrew: Here's the thing. I killed my best friend. There's a big fight coming, and I don't know what's going to happen. I don't even think I'm going to live through it. That's, uh, probably the way it should be.

(preparing to face the onslaught of Ubervamps) Anya: I'm scared. I assumed that you'd be scared and I'd be sarcastic about it. Andrew: Think of happy things. A lake, candy sticks, bunnies. Anya: (enraged) Bunnies. Hoppy, floppy, bunnies.

Angel: Got coverage on the whole thing. Very gripping. Needs a third act. Buffy: You have to leave L.A.

Angel: I started the soul-having, before it was the cool thing. Buffy: My god, what are you, twelve?

Buffy: I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whatever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, maybe one day I'll turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then if I want anyone to eat- or enjoy warm delicious cookie me then, that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.

Xander: Hey, party in my eye socket and everyone's invited. (everyone stares at Xander) Sometimes I shouldn't say words.

Buffy: I just realized something, something that never occurred to me before. We're gonna win.

(playing Dungeon's and Dragons) Giles: I used to be a highly respected Watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily.

Andrew: We will not be afraid to protect it with our very lives. Anya: Yes, we will not be afraid to protect it with his very life. Xander: Don't be afraid to use him as a human shield. Anya: Yes. Good. Thanks.

Spike: You don't come near the girl, Doc. Doc: I don't smell a soul anywhere on you. Why do you even care? Spike: I made a promise to a lady.

Spike: Most people don't use their tongues to say hello, or I guess they do but...

Dawn: We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side. Xander: All those shops gone. The Gap, Starbucks, Toys R Us, who will remember all those landmarks unless we tell the world about them?

Xander: For I am Xander, King of all cretins. Let all lesser cretin's bow before me.

Andrew Wells: Could we try to keep our secret headquarters a little bit secret? Keep bringing people in, they're gonna see everything. They'll see the big board. Buffy: Andrew, we don't have a big board.

Dawn: Do you know that ancient Sumerians do not speak English? Buffy: They're worse than the French.

Buffy: Don't you have any real homework? Dawn: Oh, you mean, like, schoolwork? Buffy: Yes. Dawn: Well, I've got a system. It's called flunking out. No, just kidding. I'm paying someone to do my work. I'm kidding. I love to see your eyeballs change color when you think I'm gonna flunk out.

Kennedy: We'll just start with what we know, and take it from there. Xander: Great. So far we know Jack about squat. Let's go from there.

Willow: Via, concursus, tempus, spatium, audi me ut imperio. Screw it. Mighty forces, I suck at Latin, OK? But that's not the issue. I'm the one in charge, and I'm telling you open up, portal, now.

Andrew: That was kinda beautiful. You love humans. Anya: No I don't. Andrew: Yes, you do. You luuuuve them. Anya: Stop it. I don't love them and I'll kill you if you tell anybody.

(the First is visiting Faith as the Mayor) Mayor Richard Wilkins III: No matter what you do, Buffy will always see you as a killer, not as a person. And now you have what she so desperately wants: the respect of these girls. All she needs is an excuse, and she'll finish what she started when she stuck that knife in your belly. You stay on guard, Faith. Buffy's dangerous. If you're not careful, she'll destroy you. I'm just saying.

Cassie Newton: (to Spike) She'll tell you. Someday she'll tell you.

Spike: Just give me something, a crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday, there's a chance. Buffy: Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Spike: (shouting) Aaaarrrggghh. Gaaagggghhhhhh. What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me? Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?

Angel: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again. Buffy: I know what it told you. What does it matter? Angel: Because I wanted to. Because I want you so badly. I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care.

Angel: Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man. Buffy: You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it. Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster.

(to the Potentials after killing the Ubervamp) Buffy: See? Dust, just like the rest of them. I don't know what's coming next. But I do know it's going to be just like this; hard, painful. But in the end it's going to be us. Cause we all do our part. Believe it, we'll be the ones left standing. Here endeth the lesson.

Willow: Where's Dawn and Spike? Tara Maclay: We've been calling the house, but... Xander: Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD and we're at DEFCON 1. (All the girls stare at him) Xander: OK, I so need male friends.

Angel: When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body. But it doesn't get your soul. That's gone. No conscience, no remorse... it's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done, and to care.

Drusilla: Do you like daisies? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies.

Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was an obsession of mine. She was pure, and sweet, and chaste. Buffy: You made her a vampire. Angel: First I made her insane. I killed everyone she loved, visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her Holy Orders, I turned her into a demon.

Cordelia: You know what? I'm going. I'd rather be worm food than look at *your* pathetic face. Xander: Then go. I'm not stopping ya. Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't. I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself. Xander: Not just any girl. You're special.

(Spike and Drusilla do not know Angel has lost his soul) Spike: Did you see any further? Do you know what happens to Angel? Angel: (as Angelus) Well, he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle. Spike: You don't give up, do you? Angel: (as Angelus) As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking... well, rolling the streets... I'll be around. Look over your shoulder. I'll be there.

(Buffy doesn't know Angel has lost his soul) Buffy: You just left. Angel: (as Angelus) Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that. Buffy: What? Angel: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night. Buffy: What are you saying? Angel: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened. Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good? Angel: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.

Joyce: So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun? Buffy: I got older.

Giles: In my years as... Watcher... I've buried... too many people. But Jenny was the first I've loved. Buffy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you... for her... when I had the chance. I wasn't ready. But I think I finally am. I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel has gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back.

Angel: (Angelus has just turned back into Angel) Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I-I don't remember. Buffy: Angel? Angel: You're hurt. Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I... Oh. Oh, Buffy... What's happening? Buffy: Shh. Don't worry about it. Buffy: I love you. Angel: I love you. Buffy: Close your eyes. (stabs him) Angel: Buffy...

Anya: Okay. For the last time. 'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you and I'll always love you. And... before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really... and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.'

Xander: So, did you see? Andrew: I-I was scared. I'm sorry. Xander: Did you see what happened? I mean, was she... Andrew: She was incredible. She died saving my life. Xander: That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing.

Andrew Wells: I spy with my little eye something that begins with a T. Spike: Tapestry. Andrew Wells: Hey, good one. How did you... ? Spike: Tapestry's the only thing in the whole bloody room.

Kennedy: I've never been the bait before. That was, uh... actually, kind of scary. Caridad: We had your back. Rupert Giles: You did well. Your performance as a disgruntled minion was spot on. Kennedy: I'm method.

Dawn: I've been reading this old Turkish spell book. There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. Willow: Oh yeah. I think I've read a translation of it. Dawn: There's a translation of it? (Dawn sighs) I'm over it.

Rupert Giles: (inspecting a scythe) In addition to being ancient, it's clearly mystical. Buffy: Yeah, I figured that one out when I King Arthured it out of the stone.

(Anya takes a swig from a bottle) Andrew Wells: Hey. We're supposed to use that to sterilize wounds. Mr Giles said. Anya: Come on, what does it really matter? (Anya hands the bottle to Andrew) Andrew Wells: Hmm. Good point. (Andrew takes a swig) Anya: Giles knows his single malt antiseptics.

(about using magic) Willow: If I tried something big, I'd change. And then it's all black hair and veins and lightning bolts. I can hardly do a locator spell without getting dark roots.

Buffy: OK... how many times do I have to kill you? Ballpark figure.

Spike: I'm drowning in footwear. (Sits up) Weird dream.

Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, "my girlfriend has a pierced tongue" kind of way.

Anya: Come on, let's go assemble the cannon fodder. Xander: That's not what we're calling them, sweetie. Anya: Not to their faces. What, am I insensitive?

Oz: (on the phone) Aunt Maureen. Hey, it's me. Um, what? Oh. It's, uh... actually it's healing okay. That's pretty much the reason I called. Um, I wanted to ask you something. Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh. What? No, no reason. Um... Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken.

Buffy: Willow, you're alive. Willow: Aren't I usually?

Willow: This is a dumb world. In my world there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.

Willow: It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did you? Xander: Will, we saw you at The Bronze. A vampire. Willow: I'm not a vampire. Buffy: You are. I mean, you were. Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon? Giles: Well, uh... something very strange is happening. Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

Buffy: You wanna go out tonight? Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin.

Anya: At point the matter is brought to a conclusion with both parties satisfied and able to move on with their separate lives and interests. To sum up, I think it's a workable plan. Xander: So, the crux of this plan is... Anya: Sexual intercourse. I've said it like a dozen times. Xander: Uh, huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here.

Anya: I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now. Xander: And the amazing thing... still more romantic than Faith.

(Willow has chosen Tara) Oz: It was stupid to think that you'd just be... waiting. Willow: I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired, and I turn the corner in Istanbul and there you are, I won't be surprised. Because... you're with me, you know? Oz: I know.

Giles: The Earth is definitely doomed.

Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school. Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths. Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that. Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying. Giles: The Earth is doomed.

Xander: What do you feel? Anya: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry. Xander: I meant about the house. Anya: Oh, still haunted.

Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with. Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead. Cordelia: Okay. Over-identify much?

Ford: You think I need to justify myself to you? Buffy: I think this is all part of your little fantasy drama. Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself. Ford: You know what, Summers? I really did miss you.

Angel: I saw you before you became the Slayer. Buffy: What? Angel: I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and... and I loved you. Buffy: Why? Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own. Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross. Angel: I was just thinking that, too.

(the Mayor has told Buffy and Angel that they could never last) Buffy: How could he know anything about us? Angel: Well, he's evil. Buffy: Big time. He doesn't even know what a lasting relationship is. Angel: No. Buffy: Probably the only lasting relationship he's ever had is with evil. Angel: Yeah. Buffy: Big, stupid, evil guy. We'll be okay. Angel: We will.

(Human Spike has told Cecily he loves her) Spike: I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that... that you try to see me... Cecily: I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.

Buffy: (singing) There was no pain, no fear no doubt, 'til they pulled me out of heaven. So that's my refrain, I live in hell, 'cause I've been expelled from heaven. I think I was in heaven. So give me something to sing about. Please give me something.

Andrew: I just want to say how proud I am to die for this very special cause with you guys. There's some, um-there's people I'd like to thank, both good and evil. Um, a shout out to my brother Tucker, who gave me the inspiration to summon demons and also... Anya: Nobody cares, you little monkey.

Tara Maclay: People do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night. Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike. Willow: Oh... well, Tara's right, grief can be powerful and we shouldn't judge... Tara Maclay: Are you kidding? She's nuts.

Spike: Oh, right. Here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life blame Spike. Newsflash, Blondie. If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll she's going to find a way to. I just thought she'd be safer with Big Bad looking over her shoulder. Buffy: She shouldn't have found out like that. Spike: You didn't think that you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if YOU had been more honest with her in the first place you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of kick-the-Spike.

(to Warren) Spike: Help me out here Spock, I don't speak loser.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.

Buffy: Look, if you're gonna be popping up with this cryptic wise man act on a regular basis can you at least tell me your name? Angel: Angel. Buffy: Angel. It's a pretty name.

Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?

Giles: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face. Buffy: They got that right.

Buffy: You tried to kill my family. Angel: Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends... and their friend's children... For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.

Angel: I just wanted to see if you were okay. And your mother. Buffy: We're both good. You? Angel: If I can go a little while without getting shot or stabbed I'll be alright. Look, this can't... Buffy: ... ever be anything. I know. For one thing, you're, like, two hundred and twenty-four years older than I am. Angel: I just gotta... I gotta walk away from this.

Angel: Well, there's gotta be some way around it. Giles: Listen. Some prophecies are, are a bit dodgy. They're, they're mutable. Buffy herself has, has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass. Angel: Then you're reading it wrong. Giles: I wish to God I were. But it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this? Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her. Xander: You're bad to the bone. Willow: I'm a rebel.

Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show. Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going. Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?

Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie-Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed... Xander: I think you mean O-pressed. Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, 'Let's lose some heads.' Uh. That's fair. And Marie-Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake.

Angel: I-if this is a bad time, I... Willow: No. I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room. Angel: I promise to behave myself. Willow: Okay. Good.

Oz: Well, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs. Willow: Well, don't you have any ambition? Oz: Oh, yeah. Yeah. E-flat diminished ninth. Willow: Huh? Oz: Well, the E-flat, it's... it's doable. But it's that diminished ninth, you know... it's a man's chord. You could lose a finger.

Xander: A Slayer, huh? I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.

Giles: There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive. Willow: It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder.

Angel: You still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday. Buffy: Surprise me. Angel: Okay. I will. Buffy: This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning. Angel: It's bedtime for me. Buffy: Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um... Um, heh... Y-you know what I mean. Angel: I think so. What do you mean? Buffy: I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder. Angel: Yeah. It is.

Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? Buffy: I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas. Angel: See my point?

Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you? Angel: (as Angelus) She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.

Angel: (as Angelus) Spike, my boy, you really don't get it. Do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck. She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl... you have to love her.

Willow: We had kind of a pajama party sleepover with weapons thing. Xander: Oh. And I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment.

Buffy: It's so weird... Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew. Willow: Well, sort of, except... Buffy: Except what? Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.

Angel: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space.

Buffy: You don't have anything useful to tell me, do you? What are you, just some immortal demon sent down to even the score between good and evil? Whistler: Wow. Good guess. Buffy: Well, why don't you try getting off your immortal ass and fighting evil once in a while? 'Cause I'm sick and tired of doing it myself. Whistler: In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point.

Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander. Joyce: Will you be slaying? Buffy: Only if they give me lip.

Giles: Cordelia, it's me. It's me. Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles? Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome. Cordelia: It's him.

(Anya is human) Anya: I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me, except to say that, "your questions are irksome," and, "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."

Anya: What would I have to do? D'Hoffryn: What you do best. Help wronged women punish evil men. Anya: Vengeance. D'Hoffryn: But only to those who deserve it. Anya: (bitterly) They all deserve it. D'Hoffryn: That's where I was goin' with that, yeah.

Halfrek: No deaths, no eviscerations, you're not goading women into anything inventive, and you're not delivering when it is. Anya: I don't even know... Halfrek: That waitress downtown wished her husband was a frog - you made him French. Anya: He's smelly. And with a little mustache...

Buffy: Are you jealous? Angel: Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid. Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him? Angel: 'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer. Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success. Angel: I am not jealous. Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous?

Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing.

Cordelia: Buffy. Love the hair. It just screams street urchin.

Larry: You and Buffy, you're just friends, right? Xander: I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.

Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.

Buffy: Tada. Just little old 20th-century me. Angel: Sure you're okay? Buffy: I'll live. Angel: I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think I'd like you better dressed that way? Buffy: I just wanted to be a real girl for once. The kind of fancy girl you liked when you were my age. Angel: Oh, ho. Buffy: What? Angel: I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women. Buffy: You did. Angel: They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. Interesting. Buffy: Really? Interesting how? Angel: You know how. Buffy: Still, I had a really hard day. You should probably tell me. Angel: You're right. I should. Buffy: Definitely.

Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike. Kendra: Two Slayers. Buffy: No waiting.

Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either. Oz: You are quite the human.

Xander: I can't wait to see Cordelia. I can't believe I can't wait to see Cordelia. Willow: I wonder what our first homework assignment's gonna be. Hey, you're excited over Cordelia, okay? We've all got issues.

Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get killed.'

Oz: I don't know. I think we're kinda getting a rhythm down. Xander: We're losing half the vamps. Oz: Yeah, but... rhythmically.

Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity. Cordelia: What's the plan? Xander: The vampire attacks you. Cordelia: And then what? Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice.

Cordelia: He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been? Xander: In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.

Buffy: Vampires probably not that big on Christmas, now that I think about it. Angel: Not as a rule, no.

Xander: Angel? Weird? What are the odds?

Giles: Hello. Angel: Um... I'm sorry to bother you. Giles: Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny. 'Sorry to bother me.' Angel: I need your help. Giles: And the funny keeps on coming.

Angel: Um, am I gonna see you this weekend? You, uh, you-you probably have plans. Buffy: Right, birthday. Um, actually, I, I do have a thing. Angel: Oh, a thing. A date? Buffy: Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. He likes it when I call him 'Daddy'. Angel: Huh, your father. It is your father, right?

Buffy: Wow, that was really funny-looking. Could you do it again? Vampire: I'll kill you for that. Buffy: For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?

Xander: We're still talking party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff. Buffy: I dunno. I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash. People die.

(after defeating a vampire) Buffy: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now.

Quentin Travers: Congratulations again. Buffy: Bite me! Quentin Travers: Yes, well, colorful girl.

(meeting Vamp Willow) Xander: So, um, in your reality, I'm like this bad-ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me? Oh, yeah. I'm bad.

Angel: The prom? Buffy: End of high school, rite of passage thingy. Think cotillion with spiked punch and the electric slide. Angel: Right.

Buffy: I always say that a patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinking sewers. Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here. Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We can say he was this big. Angel: What can I say? I need closure.

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first? Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process.

Conservative Woman: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to, and then I just got really busy.

Willow: It's just in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon; you really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know? And letting this place just thrust into and, and spurt knowledge into... that sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.

Willow: Oh, boyfriend. It's my on-campus boyfriend. Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. The line's probably really long now, too.

Willow: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all fifty states. Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii? Willow: Well, he seemed so determined.

Prof. Riegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Buffy: I didn't mean to... suck.

Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it? Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.

Willow: How can you be so calm? Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice.

Xander: Do we hug? Oz: I think we're too manly.

Willow: Where's supportive boyfriend guy? Oz: Oh, he's picking up your dry-cleaning, but he told me to tell you he's afraid you're going to get hurt.

(about Thanksgiving) Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice. Buffy: Not really a one of those. Anya: To commemorate a past event you kill and eat an animal. A ritual sacrifice... with pie.

Buffy: It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham. Willow: You're not gonna jokey-ryhme your way out of this.

Xander: You're a strange girlfriend. Anya: I'm a girlfriend? Xander: Um... there's a chance I'm delirious.

Willow: The coroner's office said she was missing an ear, so I'm thinking maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix. Buffy: That's one fun little hobby you got there, Will.

Giles: Yes, always behind on terms. I'm still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials.'

Willow: Angel? I saw him too. Giles: That's not terribly stealthy of him. Willow: I think he's lost his edge.

(Buffy didn't know Angel was there) Willow: But at least we all worked together. It was like old times. Xander: Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything... Oops.

Giles: You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her nancy ninja boys come in; six months later, demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me.

Giles: What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head.

(about the Watcher's council) Xander: Yeah, don't they have phones? (He attempts a British accent) "Allo, Buffy. Here's some stuff we know. Pip pip."

(Joyce and Dawn are staying with Spike) Spike: Just don't break anything. And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is coming on. Joyce: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead? Spike: Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake. Joyce: Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

Tara Maclay: Why doesn't Mr Giles boot them all out of here? Xander: 'Cause if they deport him, they're not just destroying his career - they're condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers and mash.

Buffy: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. Quentin Travers: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon. Buffy: What is she? Quentin Travers: She's a god. Buffy: Oh.

(startling Giles by walking in on him singing) Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his résumé, you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.

Xander: It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills and... stratagems... I'm very... help me out. Anya: He's a Viking in the sack.

(after fighting with Angel in LA) Buffy: Let me guess. You thought of something else really hurtful to say, and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone, because the funniest part is that look on my face.

Harmony: We're gonna kill the Slayer. Spike: Singing my song now are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, at least get your own tune.

(to Tara's father) Spike: There's no demon in there. It's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line? You're a piece of work. I like you.

Anya: We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery, and, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this.

(about Riley) Buffy: And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... Bible study. Joyce: Well, good. I mean just as long as two of you are spending some quality time with... the Lord.

Anya: I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine. Xander: Anya, play nice. Anya: You know, fine, take her side instead of mine even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you, bathes you... Willow: She bathes you? Xander: Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way, not in a sponge-bath-y geriatric sort of... Giles: Please. Stop, I beg of you.

Spike: Come on. You're not the long haul guy and you know it. Riley: Shut up. Spike: You know it. Or else you wouldn't be getting suck jobs from two-bit vampire trolls. The girl needs some monster in her man... and that's not in your nature... no matter how low you try to go.

Buffy: Why doesn't that register with you? Crypt plus vampire equals bad. Dawn: 'Cause it was Spike. Buffy: Hanging out with Spike is not cool, Dawn, okay? It is dangerous and icky. Dawn: I don't think Spike is icky. Buffy: Yeah, well, think again sister. (pause) You have a crush on him. Dawn: No I don't. It's just... he's got cool hair and he wears cool leather coats and stuff.

Buffy: Spike. It's Spike. And he's wearing a coat.

Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us. Buffy: Loathing. Disgust.

Spike: You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel something. Buffy: It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul. Drusilla: Oh, we can you know. We can love quite well... if not wisely.

Spike: Was that your best, Slayer? Buffy: No. Spike: Why not? Buffy: I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body.

Buffy: Darn your sinister attraction. Spike: Are you afraid of me? Buffy: Yes.

Buffy: Time to slay. Vampires of the world beware.

Buffy: Anya. How is your money? Anya: Fine, thank you for asking.

(in the midst of conversation with Willow) Buffy: You're recently gay.

Willow: When did you get all insightful? Anya: I'm surprisingly sensitive. Willow: So, will you help me? Anya: Is it difficult or time-consuming?

Anya: Well, causing pain sounds really cool, I know, but... it turns out it's... really upsetting. Didn't used to be. But now it is. Willow: Is it like you're scared of losing that feeling again, and having it be okay to hurt people, and then you're not in charge of the power anymore, because it's in charge of you? Anya: Wow. That was... really over-dramatically stated, but yeah, that's it.

Willow: Giles says everything's a part of the earth. This bed, the air, us. Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything. Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon.

(after a fight with Willow and Xander) Buffy: So I guess now I see why the ancient prophecy is about the Chosen One. Not the Chosen One and her friends.

Willow: The darkest place I've every been, this is what lies beyond that. This is too important for me to... Kennedy: Buffy believes in you. Willow: You know Buffy, sweet girl, not that bright. Kennedy: Hey, I'm the first one to call her out when she's not making sense. In fact, this may have escaped your key notice but, I'm kind of a brat. I've always sort of gotten my way. So, your gonna make it through this no matter how dark it gets because now, you're my way.

Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have, have to come around to that freak? (Angel is behind him) Hey, man, how you doin'? Angel: Buffy. Buffy: Angel. Xander: Xander. Angel: I hear this place, uh, serves coffee. I thought maybe you and I should get some. Sometime. If you want. Buffy: Yeah. Sometime. I'll let you know.

Angel: So you don't think about the future? Buffy: No. Angel: Never? Buffy: No. Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now? Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you. Angel: I know the feeling.

Buffy: I want you to get a message to Angel for me. Tell him I'm done waiting. I'm taking the fight to him. You got that? Need me to write it down for you?

(Xander has reenacted Buffy's slaying with fishsticks) Buffy: That's exactly how it happened. Oz: Well, I thought it was riveting. Uh, I was a little unclear about some of the themes. Buffy: The theme is Angel's too much of a coward to take me on face-to-face. Xander: And the other theme was 'Buy American', but it, uh, got kind of buried.

Cordelia: I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're falling... well, forward. Xander: And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best?

Kendra: In case de curse does not succeed, dis is my lucky stake. I have killed many vampires wit it. I call it Mr Pointy. Buffy: You named your stake? Kendra: Yes. Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.

Gwendolyn Post: The fact is, there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too... American. Giles: Me? Buffy: Him?

(after meeting the new Watcher) Giles: That was bracing. Buffy: Interesting lady. Can we kill her? Giles: I think the Council might frown upon that.

Buffy: How are you? Faith: Five by five. Buffy: I'll interpret that as good.

(after meeting Cordelia) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: My. She is cheeky, isn't she? Faith: Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.

(the milk is missing) Kathy: I just wanted to make sure that we didn't have a thief or something. Buffy: Like who? Sid the Wily Dairy Gnome?

(about Giles) Willow: He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way.

(about Kathy) Buffy: She irons her jeans. She's evil.

Xander: I hate to break it to you, O Impotent One, but you're not the Big Bad anymore. You're not even the Kind of Naughty. You're nothing but a waste of space. My space. And as much I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, and as much as I know that I could give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something: You're not even worth it.

Spike: (to Willow and Xander) Buffy fights the forces of evil. You're just her groupies.

Giles: Oh - as usual - dear.

Anya: (wanting a high five from Giles) Slap my hand now.

(to a vampire) Xander: Slap my hand, dead soul man.

Biker Vamp: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer. Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin. Buffy: How can you tell? Giles: Well, it's so shiny.

Willow: I can't help it. I just have all this involuntary empathy for Dawn. Cuz she's, you know... a big spaz.

Anya: (to a customer who just finished her purchase) Please go. Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day." Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have? Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace.

Willow: (displaying an item she's just wrapped) Does this look right to you? Anya: Sure. If you wrapped it with your feet.

Spike: Oh, yeah, okay. Let me guess - you won't kill me? Ooh. The whole crowd-pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so, because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard. And I never really liked you anyway. And you have stupid hair.

Dawn: I tell you I have this theory. It goes where, you're the one who's not my sister. Cuz mom adopted you from a shoe box full of baby howler monkeys, and never told you cuz it could hurt your delicate baby feelings. Buffy: That's your theory? Dawn: Explains your fashion sense. And smell.

Dawn: I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right? Buffy: Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.

Dawn: They were talking about me, just like everybody is. Xander: Again, not so much. In fact, none. Anya: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff... Joyce: Um... Xander: Anya. Anya: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd... Buffy: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now.

Spike: (reading from Giles' notes) "They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her... in human form. In the form of a sister." Huh. I guess that's you, nibblet.

Xander: (about Dawn) You know, uh, she kinda has a crush on me. Giles: Your point being? Xander: Oh, nothing. No. Just saying... powerful being... big energy gal, diggin' the Xan man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?

Spike: (about Dawn) She's not just a blob of energy, she's also a 14-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now, spin the bloody wheel.

Buffy: Are you okay? Did she hurt you? Dawn: Why do you care? Buffy: Because I love you. You're my sister. Dawn: No I'm not. Buffy: Yes you are. Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood. It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or-or how you got here. You are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.

Spike: I get it. The joke's on me. Lots of laughs. Yeah. Hey, bring the wife and kiddies. Come see the show. 'Cause it's gonna be a circus. This... just the beginning, love. A warm-up act. The real headliner's coming, and when that band hits the stage, all of this... All this... will come tumbling in death and screaming, horror and bloodshed. From beneath you, it devours.

Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards. Xander: Did you tell them that? Giles: Your secret dies with me. Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you? Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not. Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then? Angel: We would've known he bought it.

Xander: How is Angel? Pretend I care.

Cordelia: It's about time our school excelled at something. Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.

Buffy: I'm a swim groupie. Oh, yeah, you know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.

(Xander is wearing a speedo) Xander: I'm undercover. Buffy: You're not under much.

(Cordelia thinks Xander has turned into a fish monster) Cordelia: And we can still date. Or not... I mean, I understand if you want to see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better, whether that means little bath toys or whatever.

(the Sunnydale adults are acting crazy) Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?

Xander: Harvard... Yale... Wesleyan... Some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I, uh... I can't pronounce. Is anyone else intimidated? 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon. Oz: They're typing those now.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course. Giles: No danger of finding those here. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Vampires? Giles: Controlled circumstances.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol. Buffy: Vampires. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Yes? Buffy: Killed 'em.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I didn't get this job because of my looks. Buffy: I really, really believe that.

(Willow and Oz are caring for Angel) Oz: Any change? Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy. Oz: You too, huh?

Xander: (to Angel) Well. It's just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed off the girl who loves you to save your own ass.

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Oz: We attack the Mayor with humus. Cordelia: I stand corrected. Oz: Just keeping things in perspective. Cordelia: Thank you.

Buffy: Faith told me to play on his human weakness. Willow: Faith told you? Is that before or after you put her in a coma? Buffy: After. Willow: Oh.

Riley: Uh, what have you got going on tonight? Buffy: Uh, patrolling. Riley: Patrolling? Buffy: Uh, petroleum. Riley: Petroleum? Buffy: Uh huh. Riley: Tonight you have crude oil? Buffy: A-and homework.

Buffy: No actual witches in your witch group? Willow: No. Bunch of wanna blessed be's. Nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones.

Spike: Like I'd bite you anyway. Xander: Oh, you would. Spike: Not bloody likely. Xander: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist, and delicious. Spike: All right, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. Xander: And don't you forget it.

Anya: A year and a half ago I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler. Spike: You know... You take the killing for granted... And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stop and smell the corpses, you know?

Xander: So, with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free... like a big, bursting poltergasm.

Harmony: Pretty please? I'll do anything. Spike: Anything, will you? Harmony: Yeah, I said I'd do anything. Oh. You mean will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.

Spike: Taking up smoking, are you? Harmony: I am a villain, Spike. Hello.

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Everywhere I turn she's there. That nasty little face. That fancy shampoo commercial hair. That whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude. Harmony: Well, aren't we kinda unholy by def-? Spike: She follows me, you know. Tracks me down. I'm the pet project. Drive Spike around the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture. You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony. This has got to end.

Buffy: (about Dawn) She was listening. Willow: Does it matter? I mean, is she really gonna set the junior high school buzzing with, "Oooh. There's a delegation a-comin'."

Quentin Travers: Miss, excuse me, do uh, you work here? Anya: Yes, I do. Ever since I moved here from South Eastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father.

Quentin Travers: You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us. Giles: You used to pay me.

Xander: (about the hospital) Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place. Giles: It's dreadful. Anya: It's like communism.

Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.

Spike: (Angelus is furiously washing himself) You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated. Angel: (as Angelus) What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you. Drusilla: What was it? A demon? Angel: Love! Drusilla: Poor Angel.

Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll regret later, okay? Cordelia: You crazy freak. Buffy: Vapid whore. Xander: Like that.

Xander: Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole? Cordelia: Because, unlike all those other creatures that you've come face-to-face with, Jack actually noticed you were there. Xander: Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?

Giles: Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy. Buffy: 'Cause I'm not crazy, or 'cause I don't kill people? Giles: Both, actually.

Giles: We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or... Spike: Hey. Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're... Buffy: Flaccid? Spike: You are one step away, missy. Buffy: Giles help. He's gonna scold me.

Willow: Did Buffy tell you about the beer, 'cause... Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything. Willow: Oh, well forget the beer part then. Giles: Happily.

Spike: When I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks. Buffy: Oh, make a move. Please. I'm dying for a good slay.

Xander: Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love. OK, that was gross.

Spike: (about the gang) This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

(after Willow's spell, Buffy thinks she and Spike are engaged) Buffy: I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity. Xander: Yeah, right, you're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other. Buffy: Xander! Spike: That's it, you're off the usher list.

Xander: (about Jonathan) So, we're saying that he did a spell just to make us think he was cool? Giles: Yes. Xander: That is so cool.

Xander: Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell, they have one-bedrooms, right?

Giles: I said, "Oh, dear Lord." Buffy: You always say that. Giles: Well it's always important.

Giles: We just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk. Willow: Check. Candles and pretense.

(There are two Xanders) Buffy: They're kinda the same now. Giles: Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.

Spike: I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. Just look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Know you wouldn't like it. Buffy: You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims? Spike: Well, yeah. Buffy: You're disgusting. Spike: What's it take?

Tara Maclay: Oh, do you have any books on robots? Giles: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before- no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm.

Buffy: I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more. The whole world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Let me take this opportunity to 'not' care! Spike: I can't fight both Angel and Drusilla alone and neither can you. Buffy: I hate you! Spike: And I'm all you've got.

Cordelia: I can't believe I'm stuck here spending what are probably my last moments on earth with you. Xander: I hope these are my last moments. Three more seconds of you and I'm gonna... Cordelia: You're gonna what? Coward! Xander: Moron! Cordelia: I hate you! Xander: I hate you! (they kiss) Xander: We so need to get out of here. Cordelia: Uh-huh.

(Dawn kicks Buffy in the shin) Buffy: Ow. Dawn: Dumbass. (Buffy looks at Xander) Xander: Don't look at me. This is a Summers' thing. It's all very violent. (Glares at Dawn) Buffy: If you get killed, I'm telling.

Xander: We Bohemian anti-establishment types have always been persecuted. Oz: Well, sure. You're all so weird.

Xander: Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance? Cordelia: None of your business. Certainly nowhere near you losers. Buffy: Okay, you guys, don't forget to breathe between insults. Cordelia: I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.

Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers; Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires; and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen. Xander: I was just talking to... hey, mind your own business. Cordelia: Ooo, I struck a nerve. The boy that had no cool. Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a 'lot' to offer. Cordelia: Oh, please. Xander: I do. Cordelia: 'Integral part' of the group? Xander, you're the, the 'useless' part of the group. You're the Zeppo. 'Cool.' Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't. (ashamed, Xander walks away) Cordelia: There was no part of that that wasn't fun.

(Spike's final lines) Spike: Now go. (Buffy runs) Spike: I want to see how it ends.

Riley: Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous. Giles: Toth. Riley: What? Buffy: He called you a toth. It's a British expression, it means, like, moron. Giles: No. Toth is the name of the demon.

Giles: You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels. Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof. That's the one for me."

Buffy: And the worst part: I wake up and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat. Willow: Me too. I would vote for that, too.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: Preparation... preparation... preparation. Buffy: That's one word three times.

Rupert Giles: I fear the demon Buffy encountered in the woods may have possessed her somehow. Buffy: (screaming) : Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs. Xander: You think?

Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.

Xander: Can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis? Anya: It'll make you blind and insane, but it won't kill you. The smallpox will.

Buffy: First thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it. Xander: And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up. Buffy: And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.

Spike: So... where's tall, dark and forehead?

Spike: (walks up to Buffy) Where's the trinket? Buffy: The who-ket?

Cordelia: (referring to Principal Snyder) How about because you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?

Xander: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group? Anya: You did. Tara: You said Willow should be boss. Anya: And then you said "let's vote", and it was unanimous... Tara: ... and then you made her this little plaque, that said "Boss of Us", you put little sparkles on it... Xander: Valid points, all. But we... I mean...

Spike: You should go back inside. Finish the big group sing. Get your kumbaya-yas out. Buffy: I don't wanna. Spike: When you do figure out what you want, there'll be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.

Anya: Xander, I think you may have hurt his feelings. Xander: And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. (thinks) You know, that's, uh, that's actually some pretty good advice.

Principal Snyder: People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault.

Buffy: La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi. Was it wrong? Should I use the plural? Willow: No. But you said, "The cow should touch me from Thursday." Buffy: Maybe that's what I was feeling. Willow: And you said it wrong. Buffy: Oh, je stink.

Andrew: Buffy is like a woman fighting for more than life. She fights like fighting is her life. It's like the air she breathes, and she knows she will win because there is no alternative.

Spike: There's always casualties in war, Buffy. Buffy: Casualties. It just sounds so... casual.

Cordelia: What is this? Some kind of sick joke? Harmony told me you were dead. Xander: Now, why would she say something like that? Let's think.

Xander: We really are living in a golden age.

Caleb: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part on account of her neck snappin' and all, but did she say that the end is near... or here?

Xander: (singing) It could be witches, some evil witches... (Willow and Tara glare at him) Xander: (still singing) ... which is ridiculous 'cause witches, they were persecuted Wicca good, and love the earth, and women power, and I'll be over here.

Giles: What are you doing here? Spike: You know Rupert you should really be careful. Somebody dangerous could come in. Buffy: Or someone formally dangerous and currently annoying.

Sweet: (singing) What a lot of fun You guys have been real swell And there's not a one who can say This ended well All those secrets You've been concealing Say you're happy now, Once more with feeling Now I gotta run See you all in hell.

Giles: He had a very strong olfactory presence. Xander: Well, I guess we're off to the Ol' Factory. I hate that place.

Xander: So. You bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it even opened. Is anyone up for a resounding chorus of the "I told you so" Symphony?

Tara: Hey, Spike. That cramp still bothering you? Spike: Huh? Oh, yea. Tara: Maybe you want to put some ice on it.

Anya: We're all on death's door repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota.

Giles: A Slayer hunts vampires; Buffy is the Slayer; don't tell anyone. I think that's all the vampire information you need.

Spike: I live here. I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from wonder Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens.

Anya: Hands off the merchandise, Spike. We don't need to go there again. Spike: Pleas, I've already forgotten about our little time together. Nancy: I thought you were Xander's ex-girlfriend. Anya: I am. Nancy: But you and Spike... Anya: Had a thing. Spike: Didn't last. Nancy: But weren't you Buffy... Spike: Briefly. Buffy: Never serious. Nancy: Is there anyone here who hasn't slept together? (Spike and Xander look at each other)

(Looking at a dead body on Xander's construction site) Buffy: No skin. Xander: Tough to look at. Buffy: And yet my eyes won't look away. Stupid eyes.

Webs: I know all of Buffy's dark secrets. Xander: Care to make a small wager on that one?

Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a sore thumb and gone 'wow, that baby is sore'? Xander: You have too many thoughts.

(Buffy approaches a bouncer outside a nightclub looking for Spike) Buffy: Excuse me. I don't want to get in there. But, have you seen a guy that maybe comes around here? He's tall, slim, has short bleach-blond hair, wears dark clothing, talks in a British accent. Bouncer: The Billy Idol wanna be? Yeah, he's been here a few times. Buffy: Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from... (the bouncer looks at Buffy in a strange way) Buffy: ... never mind.

(to Buffy) Caleb: You whore! Buffy: You know, you really should watch you language. Someone who didn't know you might think you're a woman-hating prick.

(after a demon attack during which Xander hid) Xander: If you see my spine anywhere, please feel free to step on it at any time.

Buffy: This is the '90s. The 1990s, in point of fact, and I can do

Cordelia: Well, not for fun. But she's like this superman. Shouldn't

Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell,

Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills. Xander: You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring,

Oz: (thinks) Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red

Buffy: (impatiently) Guys? Reality?

Xander: (facetiously) But, gee, Mr White, if Clark and Lois get all

Giles: (not getting it) Hmm? Xander: Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?

Buffy: And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men - evil. You know, "straight up, black hat, "Tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy metropolis" bad. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.

Forrest: They're just animals, man, plain and simple. Granted they're a little rarer than the one's you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville...

Justin: Nah. Cold doesn't really bother me. Dawn: (smiles) What are you, Superman? Justin: No, but... I do have a few special powers.

Jonathan: We're not killers, we're crime lords! Andrew: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. (gesturing with a comic book) Andrew: He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman! Warren Meers: Because it's Superman's book, you moron! Andrew: But Lex doesn't kill him, does he?

Jonathan: You're checking for implants? Andrew: (defensive) Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in Superman versus the Amazing Spider-Man Treasury edition...

Andrew: (nods) OK. (walks nervously toward the desk, leans against it) Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I'm gonna work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies?

Xander: So you're a Watcher, huh? Watch this. (drinks Cordeilia)

Aimee Mann: (after playing a set at The Bronze) Man, I hate playing vampire towns.

Willow: Xander, gather up the knock-knock jokes. Buffy: Ooh! Who's there? Xander: You know, if we want to be exactly sure... Spike: (interrupting) It'll never be exactly. Xander: I know. Tara Maclay: The only really real Buffy is Buffy. Giles: And she's gone. Buffy: You know if we want to be exactly sure it'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is Buffy and she's gone who?

Willow: You'll be facing big, hairy danger. Buffy: Biggest. And, yes, hairy. Think danger with a beard.

Willow: Life is a neck. Drink deep.

(to the trio after they are turned visible) Buffy: So you three have, what... banded together to be pains in my ass? Warren Meers: We're your "arch-nemesises-ses".

(last line in Season 6) Cave Demon: You have endured the required trials. Spike: Bloody right I have. So you give me what I want. Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves. Cave Demon: Very well. We will return your soul. (Spike yells in pain as he gets his soul back)

Dawn: My advice to you is do exactly what everyone else does, all the time. Willow: Got it. Dawn: Do what everyone else does, wear what everyone else wears, say what everyone else says. Willow: Okay. Dawn: People may say something to you you don't understand, just don't be afraid to keep your mouth shut and pretend like you know what they're saying. Willow: You know, Dawn, I've been to college before. Dawn: People may say something like, "My protein window closes in an hour." Just... nod and smile. "Mm-hmm." Turns out it has something to do with fitness.

Giles: Gah! Xander: Touch him! Dawn: I feel him! I feel him! Xander: Me too. Andrew: Me too! Giles: Yes. Good. We all feel each other. Including those of us who don't really know each other well enough to take such liberties. I assume there's a perfectly reasonable and not-at-all insane explanation coming, yes? Anya: We thought you might be non-corporeal evil.

Willow: It's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals. Amanda: Signals? Willow: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me." Kennedy: You don't remember which? Willow: It was a long time ago. Dawn: Well, if we play the percentages... Giles: Something's eating Xander's head. Anya: Say, that's gratifying.

Willow: I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like Fantasia. Giles: And we all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey. Willow: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse. Tara Maclay: And you have more fingers, which is good 'cause then there's no need to wear those big white gloves to over-compensate.

Willow: We did a whole duet about dish washing. There was an entire verse about the couscous.

Willow: What's the matter, Amy? You lonely? We need to get you a nice companion rat that you can love, play with and grow attached to, until one day they leave you for no good reason. Won't that be fun?

Willow: Magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff. Buffy: There you go. Willow: Or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. Don't ask.

Willow: Ok, magic time. Are you ready to... heh, heh... kill me? Kennedy: Starting to be. Willow: Good... fun.

Anya: Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat.

Buffy: Oh no... Ow! Mommy, this mortal wound is all... itchy. You pulled a nice trick. You came pretty close to smacking me down. What more do you want? Buffy: (through gritted teeth) I want you... (sits up) to get out of my face. (stands)

Spike: I can feel it, Buffy. Buffy: What? Spike: My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings.

Willow: Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic... Air like nectar, thick as onyx... Cassiel by your second star... Glory: Uhh. It's the lover. (walks forward) That's so cute. Willow: Hold mine victim as in tar. (the air around Glory shimmers and she suddenly cannot move forward. She looks at Willow in surprise) I... owe... you... pain!

Drusilla: You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore? Come on. I'll pout if you don't sing. I'll give you a seed if you sing. (the image pulls back to Drusilla talking to a little canary lying dead in a birdcage) Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in it's cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one. (Drusilla cowers and whines)

(Primeval - when Spike finds Riley in Adam's cave) Spike: Slightly stiffer than usual. (clicks his fingers in Riley's face, with no response) Subtle, but I like it. (pokes Riley in the chest, still no response) What's with him? Adam: I activated his chip. Spike: Oh. So it's chips all around, is it? Someone must've bought the party pack.

Glory: Hey! Get your hands off my holy man!

Xander: Look, Anya, I know things may get ugly here at Wickapalooza and if things really get bad I was just wondering... Anya: Let me guess, you'll propose? Xander: I want to know if you're gonna turn on me. If you're gonna use this little shindig as some kind of revenge. Anya: There is nothing on this Earth which would give me greater satisfaction than to reap bloody vengeance upon you, Xander Harris. But I can't. Not officially. Not magically. So, smile, it's your lucky day. You left me at the altar and got away with it. I can't hurt you. Xander: Yeah, right. Like seeing you varnish the table with Spike didn't hurt me any more than... Anya: That wasn't vengeance. It was solace.

Buffy: I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. (she kills a demon guard) Anyone who's not having fun yet... follow me.

Willow: (talking about Parker) Buffy, that is my friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. Xander: Pfft. *Nothing can defeat the penis.* (Willow and Buffy stare at him) (Xander looks embarassed) Too loud. Very unseemly.

Willow: I've done some homework and found out the only solution is the final solution. Xander: Nuke the school? I like that.

Buffy: Wah! This doesn't make any sense! Willow: Oh, sure it does, see... Oh, this doesn't make any sense. Buffy: It's senseless! Willow: It is, but, at least you know that, so, you're learning!

Willow: Tell me a story. Tara: OK. Um, once upon a time, there was this kitty. (scoops up Miss Kitty Fantastico) She was all alone and little and nobody wanted her. Willow: This is a very upsetting story.

Xander: Oh, no. Willow: What? Xander: No. How could we - So *stupid*! Willow: Xander! Xander: Our spell. Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm. We brought you back to life, Buffy. Right where we left her. Willow: Oh, God. Xander: In her coffin.

Glory: Tick-tock, Dreg. Tick-frickin-tock.

Anya: For God's sake, Andrew, you've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? Andrew Wells: Entertaining and educating. Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?

Oz: I'm wondering about your position on werewolves. Willow: Oz is a werewolf. Buffy: It's a long story. Oz: I got bit. Buffy: Apparently not that long.

Jenny Calendar: Right, guys, the first thing we're gonna do is... Buffy. Xander: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?

Xander: Oh, you know what the best part is? No-one will ever make me watch Jaws 3D again.

Willow: (enters Tara's darkened room with a lit big yellow candle) No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey. Willow: (gives the candle to Tara) Tara, I have to tell you... Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. Willow: (smiles) I am. Tara: (amazed) You mean... ? Willow: I mean... (pause) Okay? Tara: Oh, yes. Willow: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now. Tara: (smiles) Right now? (Willow smiles and nods. Tara blows out the candle)

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