Brighton Beach Memoirs
1986
Kate: How many times have I told you not to leave your things around the house? Eugene: A hundred and nine.
Kate: What would you tell your father if he came home and I was dead on the kitchen floor? Eugene: "Don't go in the kitchen, Pa"?
Stanley: I got fired today! Eugene: Fired? You mean for good? Stanley: You don't get fired temporarily. It's a permanent lifetime firing.
Stanley: How horny can you get? Eugene: I don't know. What's the highest score?
Kate: I need bread. Eugene: What? Kate: I don't have enough bread. Run over to Greenblatt's and get me a fresh rye bread. Eugene: Again? I just came back from Grennblatt's. Kate: So You'll go again. Eugene: I'm always going to the store. When I grow up, that's all I'll be trained to do, go to the store. Kate: You don't want to go?... Never mind, I'll go. Eugene: Don't do that! Don't make me feel guilty. I'll go. Kate: And get a quarter of a pound of butter. Eugene: I bought a quarter pound of butter this morning. Why don't you buy a half pound at a time? Kate: And suppose the house burned down this afternoon? Why do I need an extra quarter pound of butter? Eugene: If my mom taught logic in high school, this would be some weird country.
(Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees) Eugene: I'll never make it with the Yankees. All the great Yankees are Italian. My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have?
Eugene: It was a tense moment for everybody. I love tense moments. Especially when I'm not the one they're all tense about.
Eugene: She saw me on the crapper! Nora saw me on the crapper!
(Eugene has just seen his first picture of a nude woman) Eugene: I have seen the Golden Palace Of The Himalayas. Puberty is OVER! Onward and upward!
Kate: Did you hear what I said? Eugene: Yes, I heard! If I cut my ears off I'd still be able to hear her through my nose!
Eugene: Liver and cabbage - the Jewish mediaeval torture! My friend Marty Gregori, an A student in Science, told me that cooked cabbage can be smelled farther than sound travelling for seven minutes.
Eugene: (the saga of the liver and cabbage continues) The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife... which is more than I can say for the liver.
Eugene: I wanted to cut my wrists but the liver had dulled the knife.
Eugene: (after spitting out the liver) I had a bone in my throat. Kate: There are no bones in liver!
Eugene: What if they took a shower together - Aunt Blanche and Nora? If I could walk in and see that I'd thank God and become a rabbi. Stanley: They're gonna' lock you up in a sex asylum.