Bowfinger
1999
Robert K. Bowfinger: She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Yes! We'll be just like Bogey and Bacall! Daisy: Who?
Kit: Them people can't speak English good!
Robert K. Bowfinger: We're finished! It's over between us! Daisy: But why? Robert K. Bowfinger: You slept with Jiff. Daisy: So? Robert K. Bowfinger: You know, I never thought about it that way. Daisy: So I'll see you tonight? Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?
(Interviewing Jiff for the movie) Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair? Jiff Ramsey: Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.
Kit: The white man gets all the best catchphrases!
Robert K. Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.
Kit: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Every day that FedEx truck comes through here delivering important things to important people. Someday it's going to stop here, and when that day comes, then we - and by we, I mean me - will be important.
Daisy: I know what's going on. I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #1. Kit: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens. Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happry premise #2. Kit: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me. Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3. Kit: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
Kit: We're trying to make a movie here, not a film!
Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
Kit: Go call Arnold and Sly!, and Jackie Chan and Van Damne, and tell them the spearchukcer said hello!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Now that you and your collages here at Mindfu - , head have had a chance to think, what do you say?
Robert K. Bowfinger: ... but what are some of your favorite TV shows? Daisy: I love the Flintstones. Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh I love the Flintstones too, that's so good, do you like that? Now, okay, do you like walks in the park? Daisy: In the rain! Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh God, you know what, I want you to see the Music Man, because... Daisy: I've seen that! I love the Music Man! Robert K. Bowfinger: Isn't Robert Preston good? Daisy: He's so good! Do you LOVE Smashing Pumpkins? Robert K. Bowfinger: Are you kid - I LOVE to do that!
Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it... Kit: Hey, what did you just say? Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'... Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing? Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing? Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare! Freddy: Shakespeare? Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now!
(first lines) Robert K. Bowfinger: Great script.
Kit: I want you to find Van Dam and Jackie Chan and tell 'em Spear Chucker said hello!
Robert K. Bowfinger: We need a guy with a fabulous ass! And mine is the wrong color!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Think of this as an errand. Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut!"
(on filming someone without their permission) Robert K. Bowfinger: Did you know that Tom Cruise didn't know he was in that vampire movie until three months later?
(on the ending of the script Chubby Rain) Robert K. Bowfinger: I mean, at the end of this movie. When our hero, Keith Kincade, looks up at the alien anteanae and says "Gotcha suckas!"... I mean, that is a moment.
Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make. Robert K. Bowfinger: That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: And what is it that we don't do? Kit: Oh, man! Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: What is it? Kit: Look, I have to show it to the Laker Girls. Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: You cannot show it too the Laker Girls. I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls but you can never show it to the Laker Girls. Keep Mr Weenie in the pants. Always in the pants.