Bless This House
1971
Sid Abbott: I feel shocking. Jean Abbott: So do I. It's no fun sleeping with twelve stone of Harris Tweed - especially when it's drunk.
Jean Abbott: I can just see it - the senile Scout troop hits town. Sid Abbott: What do you mean, senile? We've all grown up to be respectable citizens. One's a waiter, one's a butcher, one's a bank clerk... Jean Abbott: And one's Trevor. If the rest were monks, he'd make up for it.
Jean Abbott: Where on earth did you go? Sid Abbott: I don't know. We'll just have to wait for the complaints to come in, won't we
(Sid enters the kitchen, when the budgie start tweeting) Sid Abbott: One more tweet and I'll have all your teeth out.
(Sid has found Trevor in the kitchen) Trevor Lewis: Have you seen my shoes, Sid? Sid Abbott: (Grinning) I knew I'd taken somebody's off.
(Trevor has left, and Sally has come in) Sally Abbott: Did you come in alone? Sid Abbott: Of course I came in alone. Sally Abbott: You do a very good duet, daddy. Sid Abbott: Would you mind stopping the chattering? It's worse then a blooming aviary in here with you and him.
Jean Abbott: (out of shot) Sid. Sid Abbott: Oh, Blimey, what have I done now? Sally Abbott: Perhaps you haven't done anything. Sid Abbott: No. I know that tone of voice. That's definitely a done something voice. Jean Abbott: (out of shot) Sid-ney. Sid Abbott: What did I tell you. Coming, darling. Sid Abbott: (entering the hall) Yes? What? Jean Abbott: I've discovered one place you were last night. Sid Abbott: You have? How? Jean Abbott: I found this in the bathroom. (shows Sid a LADIES toilet sign)
(Jean has discovered a LADIES toilet sign in the bathroom, which she has handed to Sid) Jean Abbott: Up to your old tricks again? Sid Abbott: I beg your pardon? Jean Abbott: Bringing souvenirs home. Sid Abbott: Are you implying that I nicked this? Jean Abbott: Yes. (Snatches the sign back) I haven't got over last years annual booze-up - you brought home a belisha beacon. Sid Abbott: Well, I had to. The only way I could get Trevor home - he wouldn't let go of it.
(Jean has followed Sid into the kitchen) Sid Abbott: (indicating the LADIES toilet sign) You're so sure it was me. Perhaps it's Mike's. Mike Abbott: (walking in with a GENTLEMENS toilet sign) Look what I found in the loo.
Sally Abbott: (walking in through the back door with a Met Police No Parking Sign) Look what I found by the back door. Sid Abbott: That must be Trevor - he's like a blooming squirrel.
Jean Abbott: Any minute now, Sid will be coming round, begging for his cocoa. Betty Lewis: Any minute now, Trevor will be round begging for his - and it won't be cocoa!
Sid Abbott: (indicating Mike) You know that generation gap they keep going on about - it's between his ears!