Beach Party

1963

Cappy: Not you again. Eric Von Zipper: Yep, it's me. Cappy: I though maybe you'd skip us this year. Eric Von Zipper: I like you. And when Eric Von Zipper likes someone, they stay liked.

Big Daddy: Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Marianne, this book will be my triumph. Marianne: And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights. I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.

Eric Von Zipper: Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'! J.D.: That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'! Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Who are you? J.D.: J.D. Eric Von Zipper: That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."

(Eric Von Zipper's motorcycle run away and crashes) J.D.: You did it again, boss. Eric Von Zipper: You stupid, fix it!

(at the arrival of Eric Von Zipper and his Rat Pack) Cappy: Just what we need, the black plague!

Cappy: Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks? Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: No, it usually works the other way. Cappy: I don't dig. You don't want to level with me? Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: All right I'll level with you. When I first started out a Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I was fired, so one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing. Cappy: Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this. (points to his chin) You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas. Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas. Cappy: See? It works.

Frankie: Hey! I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie. Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Oh, hi Frankie. I'm... Frankie: I know who you are. Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You do? Frankie: You're Professor Sutwell, the guy that's been cutting in on my time! Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Now, come on Frankie, I... Frankie: You're brainwashing her with your beard! Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Brainwashing her with my beard? Frankie: Why else would she be crazy about some geezer like you? Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Now that, I resent. Frankie: I mean, you're an old man. Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Delores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash, Ava? Frankie: Because she's my girl. Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Who? Goulash? Frankie: No, Delores! Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair. Frankie: Yes, I would! I love her. I can understand you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged, fuzzy face take away my girl! Now, if I have anything to do with it Mister, believe me I do! By the way, how do you fix for blades?

Cappy: Can I ask you something, Professor? Are you studying these kids sex lives, or you getting involved in it?

Eric Von Zipper: Ah, Professor? Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: Yes, Mr Von Zipper? Eric Von Zipper: I wonder if we could talk for a minute? Prof. Robert O. Sutwell: You mean like pull over? Eric Von Zipper: We could do that too.

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