Batman
1966/II
Batman: Mr Freeze, give yourself up. We can get help for you... medical help! Freeze: In prison? This I do not believe. No, you must PAY for what you did to me, for forcing me to live like this: never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze, never to feel the heat of burning logs in vintertime! Revenge. That is what I need! Revenge! I will have revenge!
(answering a riddle) Batman: Why is a woman in love like a welder? Because they both carry a torch!
Joker: Either I get The S.S. Gotham, or your precious Dynamic Duo gets launched... to eternity! (laughs) (Batman and Robin enter) Batman: Wrong, Joker! YOU get launched! Robin: Right back to the pen where you belong! Joker: Egads! What sorcery is this? There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork to keep ordinary men unconscious for hours! Batman: No sorcery; merely the precaution of a Universal Drug Antidote PILL! (slugs The Joker) Robin: You've tripped on one of your tricks this time, Joker! Batman: That replica of your utility belt was too exact! Robin: We analyzed the cork and had found paralyzing gas! Batman: And I happened to notice that the seal around the bottle of that cork was NOT discolored with age... odd in a 1949 vintage!
(Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt) Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
(Batgirl rescues The Dynamic Duo from peril) Batman: How did you know? Batgirl: Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman... a woman's intuition.
Joker: (laughing) Have a SNEEZE on me, Batman! (Joker administers sneezing powder upon Batman, which has no effect) Batman: No use, Joker! I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so I took an Anti-Allergy Pill! Instead of a SNEEZE, I've caught YOU, COLD!
Commissioner Gordon: I don't know who he is behind that mask of his, but I do know when we need him... and we need him now!
Penguin: Here comes the bride, all bagged and tied!
Riddler: Batgirls wilt just as quickly as other women!
Robin: Maybe you can bully an aging mogul, but not me, Catwoman!
Batman: I'm just going to hang around the bar. I don't want to look conspicuous.
(Catwoman has Robin trapped) Robin: Catwoman, you are not a nice person!
Robin: Holy bill of rights, Batman!
Robin: Holy haberdashery, Batman!
Batman: (to Mr Freeze) Naturally you didn't know I was wearing my special Super B long thermal underwear.
King Tut: If the caped crumb is here, the cowled creep can't be far behind.
King Tut: (to Nefertiti) How many times must I tell you? Queens consume nectars and ambrosia, not hot dogs.
Commissioner Gordon: You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality.
(Organizing his election) Penguin: Plenty of girls and bands and slogans and lots of hoopla, but remember, no politics. Issues confuse people.
Catwoman: I'm not just pussyfooting around this time, Batman!
Dick Grayson: (to Miss Klutz) Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!
Robin: The way we get into these scrapes and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations; guiding our destiny.
(Figuring out a riddle) Robin: The opposite of a girl is a boy!
Batman: I'll be back in three minutes and twenty seconds.
Batman: It's Alfred's emergency belt-buckle Bat-call signal! He's in trouble!
Batman: Poor devil. Forced to live in an air-conditioned suit that keeps his body temperature down to fifty degrees below zero. No wonder his mind is warped.
Batman: Robin, warm up the Bat-spot analyzer while I take a sample of this affected cloth.
Batman: I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?
Batman: You better leave the crimefighting to men.
Bruce Wayne: I'm just reminded I'd promised to take my young ward, Dick Grayson, fishing.
(about to zoom out of The Batcave!) Robin: Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed. Batman: Roger. Ready to move out.
Narrator: Same Bat time, Same bat channel.
Chief O'Hara: When it comes to the human brain, we're not equipped.
Robin: Holy atomic pile, Batman!
Robin: You're a blot on the name of Gotham City University. When the students find out what kind of a person you really are, they'll hate you forever.
Batman: Just a second while I retrieve my beanie, my hair, my tweezers, and my notes.
Batman: I've just perfected an Electronic Hair Bat-Analyzer which may hold the key to this baffling question.
Batman: Oh, Catwoman, Catwoman, will you never learn?
Batman: So you didn't tell the truth! Catwoman: Did you ever hear of a crook who did?
Batman: Nothing's sacred to those devils.
Robin: Under this garb, we're perfectly ordinary Americans.
(Batman has been lured into a trap by Catwoman) Batman: Four against one... Robin: Four against two Batman! Batman: Robin! Robin: I couldn't resist. You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing.
Robin: Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods!
Narrator: Horrors! One lemon!
Batman: (after Batgirl has come and gone secretly) How does she DO IT?
Batman: The miserable weakling. He fainted dead away!
Batman: Come on, Robin, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose!
Robin: Holy oleo! Catwoman: I didn't know you could yodel!
Egghead: Woe is me, my criminal career is now egg-stinct!
Lurch: (pops his head out a window as Batman and Robin are climbing the wall outside, interrupting his harpsichord practice) Ohhhhhhhh. It's youuuuuu, Batman. Batman: Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord. Robin: We're on official business! Lurch: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.
The Green Hornet: (the Green Hornet and Kato stick their heads out a window while Batman and Robin are climbing the wall outside) What are you doing here? Batman: I might ask you the same question. The Green Hornet: Pursuing the enemies of law and order, wherever they happen to be. Well, I don't want to hold you up from your crimefighting. Batman: Thank you. And good luck to you, Mister Hornet. Kato: Nice to have met you. (Kato and the Green Hornet go back in, and shut the window) Robin: Gosh, Batman, what are they dressed like *that* for? Batman: (shrugs) Hmmph?
Venus: What is it, Joker? $2,000 is a lot of money. Joker: Ah, this merchandise is worth $2,000! Penguin: (popping out of box) It's worth 2,000? You cheapskate. You could have at least sent me a plane ticket! Joker: Well, we had to get you into Gotham City without anyone knowing about it, Pengy. Especially Batman. Penguin: Well, I hope you have something special cooked up for that caped creep. Joker: Ah, I do. The pot's on the fire and Batman's in it! Penguin: Ah, you are a man after my own heart, Joker! Joker: Black, eh? Penguin: Black as pitch! Joker: (laughs)
Batman: Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow.
Commissioner Gordon: Tanks in the street, a horse in my outer office... Has the whole world gone batty? (Batman reacts, startled) Commissioner Gordon: Ha, ha, just an expression, Batman. No slight intended. Batman: I understand.
Shame: Your mother wore Army shoes. Batman: Yes, she did. As I recall, she found them quite comfortable.
Shame: You big sissy, you couldn't drive nails in a snow bank. Batman: Why would I want to?
(Dr Cassandra uses her alvino ray gun on Batman, Robin and Batgirl) Batgirl: I feel like I'm getting flat! Cabala: What a pity...
Alfred Pennyworth: (answering the Bat-phone) I shall solicit his presence.
Alfred Pennyworth: (whispering to Bruce Wayne at the beginning of most every episode) It's the Bat-Phone.
(Batman and Robin have cornered Riddler and his three henchmen in their hideout) Riddler: It's four against two, but we aren't afraid.