Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker
2000/I (V)
The Joker: Brave new world, which has such yutzes in it.
The Joker: But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give the old town a wedgie again.
The Joker: Ah, the new boy. Ears are too long and I miss the cape. But not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.
Terry McGinnis: What can you tell me about clowns? Barbara Gordon: In this town, they're never funny.
The Joker: What are you doing? Terry McGinnis: Fighting dirty. The Joker: The real Batman wouldn't... Terry McGinnis: I told you, you didn't know a thing about me.
Bonk: I was just kidding boss. The Joker: Me too.
Dee Dee: On the double!
Terry McGinnis: So you fell in a vat of acid, got your skin bleached, and decided to become a super-villain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?
The Joker: Funny guy. Terry McGinnis/Batman: Can't say the same thing about you. The Joker: Impudent brat. Who do you think you're talking to? Terry McGinnis/Batman: Not a comedian, I'll tell you that. The Joker: Shut your mouth! Terry McGinnis/Batman: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy. Terry McGinnis/Batman: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man. The Joker: I'm not hearing this... Terry McGinnis/Batman: Get a clue, clowny. He's got no sense of humor. He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke. I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers - lame. Where's the A material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
(Shot in the chest) The Joker: That's not funny. That's not...
Harley Quinn: Sweetie, get mommy's bazooka.
The Joker: (to Bruce/Batman) Don't like the movie? I've got slides.
Batman: I'll break you in two... The Joker: Oh, please, if you had the guts for that kind of fun, you'd have done it years ago.
The Joker: But all too soon the serums and the shocks took their toll, and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me, secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true batsy, I know everything. And kind of like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents I must admit it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the stern and bat-o-rangs you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy. I'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Oh what the heck I'll laugh anyway. HA HA HA HA HA!
(to the Joker) Terry McGinnis/Batman: Let's dance, Bozo.
The Joker: You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peaks. Terry McGinnis/Batman: Maybe, but you don't know a thing about me. The Joker: You? What's to know? You're a punk, a rank amateur, a costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man.
The Joker: I suppose I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. (Blows raspberries at Bruce)
Jordan Price: You! Where's Amy? Dee Dee: Missed the boat, I'm afraid! (Price looks out the window and sees Amy tied to a pole) Jordan Price: Turn the yacht around! Chucko: Detox, bossman. Ghoul: We'll be quick. Woof gets seasick easy. Jordan Price: Our business is concluded. I gave you the security codes so you could ransack the lab while those bunglers tried to kill Wayne. Chucko: Word is Wayne's terminal anyhow. Dee Dee: That means you get to stay top dog. Dee Dee: And everyone's happy. Jordan Price: So why are you here? Chucko: The big guy who put us all in contact has decided you're a loose end. Ghoul: And loose ends should be tied up.
Jordan Price: They're getting away! Batman: Yeah, and I think they've got a good reason!
Batman: He's tough. Any suggestions, boss? Bruce Wayne: Joker's vain and likes to talk, he'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through. Batman: Wait, I like to talk, too.
Terry McGinnis: Were you all that bitter when you left? Barbara Gordon: Comes with the territory, McGinnis. Look up Nightwing someday, 'cause he got stories to tell.
The Joker: Bonk?... Oh, right! Dead.
Bruce Wayne: Terry, I've been thinking about something you once told me, and you were wrong. It's not Batman that makes you worthwhile, it's the other way around. Never tell yourself anything different.
Bonk: I... want... out! The Joker: If you insist! (aims a gun at him) Bonk: Hey, man... I -I was just kiddin'! The Joker: (shoots and just a BANG flag comes out) So was I! The Joker: (as Bonk relaxes, the Joker aims the gun and shoots him/gasses him) Oops, no, I wasn't! That's *also* how we did it my day!
The Joker: Don't you *dare* laugh at me! Terry McGinnis: (laughing) Why?! I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh! The Joker: (screaming) You're not Batman!
Harley Quinn: You rotten little scamps! I struggle to make a good home for you and this is the thanks I get! (whacks both Dee Dee's with her cane) Break a grandmother's heart! I hope they throw the book at you! Dee Dee: Oh, shut up, Nana Harley.
(after Bonk crashes while trying to operate a piece of machinery) Dee Dee: He's really got a delicate touch, Dee Dee. Dee Dee: Delicate like a moose, Dee Dee.