(Complaining about a gay boat protest upstaging her husband's retirement party) Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.

Lindsay Funke: You know, we're not the only ones destroying trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers?

(after Michael takes away a frozen Bluth banana from George) Lucille: How much could a banana cost? Ten dollars? Michael: You've never been to a supermarket, have you?

Lucille: Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.

(voice over) Narrator: (Michael gave Gob a letter to mail) Gob did not mail the letter, but instead, in a dramatic act of defiance, hurled it into the ocean. (Gob is attempting to throw the letter in the ocean but it keeps getting blown back because of heavy winds) Unfortunately, this proved to be a more difficult gesture than he had imagined.

(Tobias discovers that George Sr has been living in the attic) Tobias Fünke: What are you doing up here? George Sr: I'm having a fucking tea party, what does it look like I'm doing? (he shoves Tobias up against the wall with his hand against his mouth) George Sr: I'm living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will fucking kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass!

Lucille: If it's an idiot on a scooter in the middle of the night, it must be Gob.

Michael: Oh, and I'm sure you know better than anyone, Lindsay. Oh, I'm the parent, I know best. Go ahead, touch the cornballer.

(voice over) Narrator: And Michael had been getting along with his sister, Lindsay. This was unwelcome news to Lucille, who feared that this unity may be used against her.

Lindsay Funke: Can't you come over and dustbuster or something? Lupe: I no does Buster anymore!

Tobias Fünke: (after Michael asks Tobias to buy a tape recorder to record conversations of himself speaking) You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Michael: Well, I know I did in the jacuzzi. Tobias Fünke: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.

Narrator: (about the Motherboy dance) Motherboy was also the name of a heavy metal band that used to rock pretty hard during the '70s. We are legally obligated to make this distinction.

Dave Attell: (discussing Tobias with Carl Weathers) Whoa, this guy's straight? (holds up a pair of Tobias' cut-offs) Then, what am I wearing these for?

Lucille: You know I always get this way around Motherboy. Michael: Oh, God, it's Motherboy time already? Lucille: Normally, I'd go with Buster but he doesnt want to go. But with you, I think I've got a shot. Michael: Buster for the first time ever, doesnt want to do this? Narrator: (voice over) Motherboy was the name of an annual dance promoting mother-son bonding. Lucille has gone with Buster over 30 times, and on many occasions, won cutest couple. But as one entered sexual maturity and the other one left it, it became increasingly difficult. Lucille: (Buster and Lucille are getting their picture taken) I'm so hot. Buster: If you were hot, mother, we would win!

(voice over) Narrator: Tobias had gained entry to the studio's wardrobe and make-up department. He then disguised himself to fool his wife Lindsay, see Maebe, and prove that he was a good actor. It was the exact plot of the movie Mrs Doubtfire... with a little Mary Poppins thrown in the mix.

(repeated line after Buster gets a prosthetic hook) Buster: I'm a monster!

(Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it) Buster: Well, what do you expect, mother? (holds up his hook) I'm half machine! I'm a monster!

Tobias Fünke: (arguing with Lindsay) Oh, great, you're mocking me. You selfish. (realises Maebe is watching) country-music loving lady!

Tobias Fünke: (as Mrs Featherbottom) O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? (laughs) Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth. Michael: We just call it a sausage.

(repeated line) Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Marry me.

(the Bluths have hired Andy Griffith to sit in on George Sr's hearing) Lindsay Funke: Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. (the camera pans over to reveal the log cabin truck) Lindsay Funke: He thought we were making fun of him. Narrator: They were not making fun of Andy Griffith. This cannot be stressed enough.

Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell Michael: Are you sure? Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'

(Buster gets a hook to replace the hand he lost) Buster: Hey, Uncle Oscar. (Buster gives Oscar a hug and impales his shoulder with the hook) Oscar: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! You're killing me, Buster! You're killing me! (Buster pulls the hook out of Oscar's shoulder and stares at it in horror) Buster: I'm a MONSTER!

Lucille: They won't let you into the country club like that. Buster: (as Franklin, the puppet) I don't need none of yo' tired-ass country club, ya freak bitch!

Narrator: Gob was planning his escape from prison. Gob: (peering into the cell block) Is there a private bathroom nearby? George Sr: (addresses the cell latrine) You're looking at it. Gob: No, no, no. I can't use that. I need privacy. Yeah, I've always been that way. I can't go without privacy. (sees that his dad is serious) Gob: No, I can't pass this key without privacy! George Sr: Well, I could ask the guys to leave, but, uh, you know they've been locking the doors lately. (goes back to reading) Gob: (defeated) I've made a huge mistake.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: (attempting to get her parents to notice her) Here are the fake airline tickets. If they don't see this, I really might go to South America. George Michael Bluth: (notices a flaw) That says, "Portugal". Mae 'Maebe' Funke: (oblivious) That's right. Narrator: (voice over) Maebe's parents didn't see the tickets, but her Uncle Gob did. Gob: (examines the tickets, thinking they're Michael's) Portugal? We're gonna live it up in ol' South America, aren't we, Michael?

Michael: (after confronting his son about marijuana) He's lying to me! I don't believe it! Where the hell is this family's morality? Gob: (lets out a puff of marijuana smoke) I don't know. Oh, it's... cold out.

Publicist: (to George Michael) Daddy lost his shot at happy, and it's all your fault, Opie. Narrator: Jessie had gone too far, and she had best watch her mouth.

Tobias Fünke: (reading a script with terrible acting) "I don't know what you heard about me, but I'm a different kind of cop. I'm from the streets, and I'm the last cop you'll ever want to mess with in a darkened al? dark alley (drops the act) Oh, you know, maybe my wife is right. I'm not cut out to be a DeNiro, or a Regis, or a Pinkett-Smith. I shou? Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tobias, listen to me. Dreams are worth fighting for. Now, are you gonna be an actor, or are you gonna be a doctor? Tobias Fünke: You're right, Carl Weathers! I should just march into that restaurant where my wife works and? Carl Weathers: Whoa, your wife works in a restaurant? Do they get free shift meals or a discount on select menu items? Tobias Fünke: Uh, I don't know. Carl Weathers: Well, let's find out, man!

Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio. Spanish actor: Como? Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.

Michael: (after the PTA meeting) Right and wrong. How can one thing be right and the other be wrong? I guess that's the (growl) of it. Beth Baerly: (in high spirits) Yeah. They just kinda threw this class at me after Mr Daniel's had a stroke. Michael: (laughs) I had him! That's someth? Well, how is he? Beth Baerly: Oh, well, he? had a stroke. Michael: Oh, I thought you were kidding. Beth Baerly: No, I was just laughing 'cause you were laughing. Michael: Oh. (beat) (growl) (they both laugh) Let me ask you an ethical question. Is it ethical to ask a teacher out for a drink? Beth Baerly: I don't know. Is there a wife? Michael: Yeah, but she's dead. Beth Baerly: (laughing over the "joke") Have you ever married? Michael: Yeah. She died. Beth Baerly: Oh, I'm sorry. Why are we laughing? Michael: I don't know. It's? Mr Daniel's stroke all over again. (nervous laughing) Let's go get that drink. Beth Baerly: Yeah. Michael: (growl)

Michael: I'm afraid that I'll have to stop seeing you. (she giggles, thinking it's a joke) I mean, I've enjoyed our time together, but I? Beth Baerly: You're serious? This isn't one of your ?wife died? jokes? Michael: No, I'm afraid this is serious.

Maebe: So, you killed Kitty, huh? Michael: No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. (whoops and hollers heard from the conference room) And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we? Maebe: Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?

Detective Fallows: Are you willing to take a polygraph? Barry Zuckerkorn: (Michael refers to his lawyer for advice, who whispers rather loudly) Are you nuts? Michael: (to the detective) Not without a better lawyer.

Tobias Fünke: Are you calling me a coward? Warden Stefan Gentles: There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor. Tobias Fünke: Ouch.

(Tobias creating buzz around the water cooler) Tobias Fünke: That Funke is some kind of something! Boy, this Funke is all anybody's ever talking about! So sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Funke is! Overrated!

George Sr: Daddy horny, Michael.

(George Michael is trying to explain to his uncle why he cannot take off a muscle suit) George Michael Bluth: I just can't take it off. You'll never understand. Tobias Fünke: I'll never understand? (he disrobes, exposing his cut-off jeans) Tobias Fünke: Oh, I understand... more than you'll never know.

(Lucille is trying to convince Michael to take Buster off her hands) Michael Bluth: Okay, he can hang out, but he's going to work. This is not going to be a day at the beach. (the camera pans out to show that Buster's wearing beach clothes)

Michael: My mother may not even enter the room if she sees you in here. Wayne Jarvis: Fine then, I shall hide behind the couch. Michael: What a professional.

(at the fair) Michael: We can't let dad see you here with him. Wayne Jarvis: I shall hide behind that trashcan. Michael: Guy's a pro.

Michael: There's a big bowl of candy in my office, why don't you go eat it? (Lucille enters and while the door is closing) Wayne Jarvis: Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law. I have a responsibility to tell you that there is *no* candy in this office.

Michael: (to Lucille and GOB) Gee, I don't know what's more offensive - the fact that you didn't tell us about our grandmother's death or the fact that you sunk a $700,000 yacht! Gob: I had $900,000 worth of insurance put on it.

Michael: (after George Sr has been handed a jail sentence) They're keeping dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out. And our assets were frozen, which means that I'm going to have to ask everyone to cut up their company credit cards. (everyone gasps) Michael: Interesting. I would have expected that reaction after the "keeping dad in jail" part.

(Tobias has been trying out for the Blue Man Group) Tobias Fünke: Bad news, Michael, I am afraid that I am no longer an understudy for the Blue Man Group. It seems that we have parted ways. Michael: (reading an official-looking letter) "Cease and decist... " Tobias Fünke: Apparently, they dont like competition. (shows a magazine ad with Tobias that says "Want a Blue Man For Less Green?") Narrator: Tobias had recently taken out an ad in a local magazine.

Narrator: (Tobias is covered in blue paint and is walking at dusk) Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen. (Tobias is run over by Barry) Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen.

Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to... Tobias Fünke: (on tape) ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that. Tobias Fünke: (on tape) Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can. Tobias Fünke: It's out of context. Tobias Fünke: (on tape) I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks. Narrator: ... and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks. Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard! (chuckles)

Lucille: (to Michael) That's not true! I love all my children equally. Lucille: (earlier that day) I don't really care for GOB.

Michael: (Michael and George Michael are watching the banana stand burn to the ground) This is going to be our best summer ever. (Gob scoots up) Michael: You mailed that insurance check, right, Gob? (Gob scoots off, Michael chases after him)

Lucille: (George Sr has just had a religious revelation while in solitary confinement) Why is there a piece of shoe stuck to your head? George Sr: This is a reminder that the divine presence is always with us.

Michael Bluth: (looking at a gift basket Michael received) Didn't you get one of those, too? You bought Lindsay at the same auction. Tobias Fünke: Yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, and now I think I have something of a mess on my hands. Michael Bluth: Wow, there's just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

Tobias Fünke: Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.

Lindsay Funke: (to Michael) GOB doesnt do anything for the family. Gob: Hey, I'm fucking Lucille 2. Lindsay Funke: Or I could do something like that.

Uncle Jack: (to Michael) I'm invited into very few personal homes. (to his assisstant, Dragon) TO THE NUTS!

Tobias Fünke: (while at a western-themed resort) Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other.

Lucille Austero: Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me! Gob: No! I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.

Narrator: Gob had just blown up a car. Gob: (with Lucille 2) Next thing I know, I'm running for my life. And all I could think was if something were to ever happen to me, how sad I'd be, you know? Lucille Austero: What you did to me at lunch today... You were ashamed to be with me. Gob: No! I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you. Lucille Austero: I'm sorry, but you have no courage. Gob: How can you say that? Shh! Thought I heard my mom. (whispers) Gob: How can you say that?

Michael: Yes, this is Michael Bluth for Barry. Barry Zuckerkorn: (to his secretary) I'm not here! Barry's Secretary: Barry's not in right now. Would you like to leave her a message? Michael: Yeah, tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time, AND I'm not paying for this phone call! Barry Zuckerkorn: I am not a girl, you... Barry's Secretary: (pulls out a tape recorder) Go ahead, call me something. I'm redecorating my kitchen.

Tobias Fünke: (auditioning) Hello, my name is Dr Tobias Funke. I graduated with honors from Boston College and I did my post-graduate in psycho-linguistics at MIT. And this is "You're A Bad, Bad, Man" from "Annie Get Your Gun."

Lindsay Funke: Mother, not all homosexuals are flamboyant... and... oh my god, I have the exact same blouse! Lucille: I like it better on him.

Michael: Are you serious? Wayne Jarvis: I am serious. I was voted the worst audience participant that Cirque Du Soleil ever had.

Michael: (to George-Michael at Milford interview) Save it for the talk room, son.

George Sr: (via satellite from prison) Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - not wag our genitals at one another to make a point.

George Sr: (via satellite from prison) Chanukah can be spelled so many ways! Oh God!

Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason? George Sr: First time! Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second. George Sr: I got the worst (bleep) -ing attorneys.

Michael: (after being burned by the Cornballer) Mother of God! Oh! Every damn time! Oh, this is a big one!

Michael: It's the carpenter who blames his shoddy - (touches cornballer) (bleep) stupid corballin' piece of (bleep) .

Tobias Fünke: (footage of Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on) Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television! Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.

Lucille: The company is in danger! Michael: What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?

Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble.

George Sr: Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants? Michael: That's a cross. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?

Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground. George Sr: There was money in that banana stand. Michael: Well, it's all gone now. George Sr: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand. Michael: What? George Sr: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said... (strangles Michael) THERE IS MONEY... IN... THE BANANA STAND! Prison guard: (George Sr quickly takes his hands off Michael) NO TOUCHING! George Sr: NO TOUCHING! Prison guard: NO TOUCHING!

(repeated line) Prison guard: No touching!

George Michael Bluth: (after hearing that Steve Holt and Lindsay have a lunch date) Steve Holt? I thought you liked him. Maebe: I do, I'm crazy about him! He only talks to her because he thinks she has a penis. Oh, I told him that she was a tranny.

Maebe: (upon Steve Holt asking Maebe to dance) Steve Holt!

Gob: Steve Holt's not my son. George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock? George Michael Bluth: That's my son, you pothead.

Tobias Fünke: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Tobias Fünke: No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. Buster: It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me.

Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now? Gob: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether. Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie. Lucille: Those are illegal. Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.

Steve Holt: I've made a huge mistake. Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt! I can't hide from it any more. Steve Holt: I won't forget this... Dad. Gob: (swallows roofie) I will. I will.

Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny. Michael: Yeah, that's a cultural problem, is what it is. You know, your average American male is in perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.

Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny. Michael Bluth: Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. Narrator: Hey! That's the name of the show!

Narrator: (Rita enters the house, the family freezes) Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench.

George Sr: (George Sr installs a hot tub in the attic) It's so hot! You got to get it outta here, Mikey, my *eyes*, they're burning! Michael Bluth: That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. George Sr: They looked good on the package. Michael Bluth: Is that chicken teriyaki in the pipe?

Buster: (while performing the "Sword of Destiny" trick) Will you hand me the trick sword, please? Gob: It's a real sword!

Wayne Jarvis: I have a picture taken by a traffic camera of you escorting your father. (hands it to Michael) Barry Zuckerkorn: Are you sure these are balls? Because last time, they were balls. Barry Zuckerkorn: (Barry is handed the picture of Michael and George Sr in the stair car) I really wish they were balls.

George Michael Bluth: I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year. Michael Bluth: It's a league requirement. Narrator: One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game. (shows GOB lying on top of a woman) And in the fifth. (shows GOB following one of the female players) Oh, and before the game. (shows GOB pouring water over the female players) Michael Bluth: We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.

Michael Bluth: Did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding. Lindsay Funke: My foot is bleeding! Narrator: Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities. Lindsay Funke: Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil? Michael Bluth: To curb your sex drive. We also need you to play on the team this year. Lindsay Funke: What team? Narrator: It may also cause short term memory loss.

Michael Bluth: Look, you can't risk leaving the attic any more. George Sr: When have you seen me outside? Michael Bluth: Yesterday at the Ford Dealer. George Sr: Yeah, well, have you seen those new Mustangs? I'm telling you - you could hump the hood!

(Michael has found his brother, Gob, hidden in his office) Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous. Gob: So you came back here to hide like a child. Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly? Gob: Hiding from a child. Big difference. Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection. Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling? (Schmaltzy music begins to play) Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling". Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry. Michael: Could it be love? Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard. (the music reaches its crescendo) Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.

Gob: Hey, Buster hit her! I just gave her the roofie.

(opening narration) Narrator: And now, it's the show about a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who must keep them all together. It's Arrested Development.

Tobias Fünke: If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. Narrator: But it wasn't.

George Michael Bluth: (upon reading who he's been cast as in the school play) Stand in for... Steve Holt? Steve Holt: Steve Holt!

Buster: Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me! Annyong: Go Fatty. (Buster lunges at him and they fight) Lucille: Stop it! He's your little brother! Buster: No he isn't! I came out of you, he didn't!

Annyong: Annyong!

Buster: I have an idea. It is time I used something I trained for in Army, but I never got a chance to do. (he prepares to zipline to a balcony where George Michael and Lucille are) Michael: Buster, you can't zip-line over there. Buster: Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it. Michael: This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster!

Buster: My Army training tells me... that this is going to be a hot mission. Michael: What? A hot mission? Buster: Yes. I create a diversion, and you grab George Michael and go. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother". Michael: No, le-let's try to top that. Narrator: They never did, and later, "Operation Hot Mother" was underway.

Narrator: In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet. (Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family) Gob: (as Franklin) Can I tell you something, my man? Gob: (as himself) Sure, Franklin. Gob: (as Franklin) You are one cool (bleep) . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar. (the puppet 'kisses' Lucille) George Sr: Get off my wife, you bastard! (strangles Franklin) Gob: (as Franklin) What's the matter with you? Gob: (in the present) Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act? Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

Lindsay Funke: (discussing Michael's dislike of George Michael's girlfriend) You know, maybe if you stopped judging her, he'd trust you. Look, if you say no, you're just going to drive him right to her. George Michael Bluth: Hey, Dad, can you drive me to Ann's? Michael: Nnnn... Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes. George Michael Bluth: Great. I'll wait in the car. Michael: I don't think that worked.

Ann Veal: You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.

Narrator: For the first time, Lucille prays... Lucille: (Praying) Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war. Narrator: And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage... (Buster swims in the ocean) Person: Loose seal! Watch out for loose seal! Buster: (Thinking he means Lucille) I don't care about Lucille! She lies! Narrator: ... and then a seal bites off his hand. Lucille: Amen.

Narrator: And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life. Lucille: Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s.

Lucille: (the family is waiting for news on Buster from a very literal doctor) How's my son? Doctor: He's going to be all right. Lindsay Funke: Finally some good news from this guy. George Michael Bluth: There's no other way to take that. Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well. Lucille: But you said he was all right. Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right." Lucille: (Jumping on the doctor) You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor! Lindsay Funke: How do we keep getting this guy? Michael: Mom, he's a very literal man. Doctor: Yes, that's more the way I would take the news.

George Sr: I'm paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands. Lindsay Funke: What? George Sr: Gold Krugerrands. Your mother snuck them in here, stuffed them in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse. Lindsay Funke: Stabbed? George Sr: In a way. I use them to pay off the other guys to stop them from hollering obscenities at my... my little girl. But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke! Lindsay Funke: (Touched) That's all I've ever wanted from you, Daddy- for you to spend money on me.

Lindsay Funke: I hate to say it, but Michael might be right. You need to learn a little discipline. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Hmm. Nope. That doesn't feel right. Lindsay Funke: No, no, no. I am telling you. You are now punished. I punish thee. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me? Lindsay Funke: Oh, I have to come up with another thing?

Gob: At least the Cornballer is still legal in Mexico. Narrator: In fact, the Cornballer wasnt legal anywhere, but George Sr continued to market it in Mexico, anyways.

Narrator: What Dave Attell was trying to portray was the fact that Tobias was never able to be completely naked, but it was lost on the audience due to the narrator's shoddy delivery.

Tobias Fünke: Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbara Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. Michael: What the hell are you talking about?

Tony Wonder: (to someone off the screen) How many times have I told you to move that fucking sofa? And clean the dumwaiter while you're at it!

Lucille: (after Michael and GOB switch coolers containing evidence and Kitty gets a hold of them) THERE WERE 250 CCs OF YOUR FATHER'S SEMEN IN THE COOLER IN THE BANANA STAND! Michael: No touching!

Lucille: (after beating Kitty at a drinking contest) I've got to get back to rehab. Man at Bar: (in background) SHE'S IN REHAB! (people cheer)

Gob: (Gob's wife has served him divorce papers) And now she's stomping on my heart. Michael Bluth: What's her first name? Quickly! Gob: (flustered) Crindee! Michael Bluth: Name's not Crindee, Gob. Gob: (Reads papers) Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y." Michael Bluth: That's a strong defense.

Michael: You know, I'm in pretty good shape, Buster. You could be eating my dust all day. Narrator: Buster was starting to give as good as he received. Buster: Yeah, and you could be eating (bleep) that's gonna (bleep) . Michael: Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.

George Michael Bluth: (George Michael is in love with his ethics teacher) I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know? Lindsay Funke: She's interesting... and pretty? George Michael Bluth: Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad. Lindsay Funke: Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher. Narrator: Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother. Lindsay Funke: There's nothing wrong with that. Although... I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me. George Michael Bluth: You're my aunt. Lindsay Funke: That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then... I'll be right across the hall. Narrator: Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life. George Michael Bluth: Yikes.

Lindsay Funke: (Trying to set Michael up with Ms Barely) Well, I think she's perfect for you. Michael: For me? Really? Thanks, but no, Lindsay. I've already been set up once today by a sibling, and I don't think you people know my type. Lindsay Funke: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother. Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.

Lucille: Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason. George Sr: Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?

George Sr: What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact? Cindi Lightballoon: Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you. George Sr: Faith is not a fact. Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom. Narrator: George, Sr had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage. George Sr: Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact. George Sr: (in the present) I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?

George Sr: Listen... Let him go. Let your son go. Michael: I can't do that, Dad. He needs me. George Sr: Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster. Michael: Yeah, boy. What happened there? George Sr: I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. (Buster yawns next to him) I don't know, maybe it was my fault. Maybe, uh, maybe I just ignored the guy. (Buster finishes yawning although George Sr is ignoring him) Buster: Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we? Michael: Yeah, I got to let my son go.

(Tobias is directing George Michael and Maeby in the school play) Tobias Fünke: Look, you are playing adults... (Tobias falls out of his chair) Tobias Fünke: (to nearby student) Pick that up. Pick that up, please. Tobias Fünke: ... with fully formed libidos, not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower.

Kitty: The program has changed my life. And I have a sponsor now. (whispers) He's famous! Michael: That's great. Kitty: I can't tell you who he is, but let's just say... that he was on... "Night Court." Michael: Well, you look great... Kitty: ... I can tell you who it's NOT. It's not Bull. It's not Harry Anderson! Michael: I got it... Kitty: ... and he's white! Michael: I know who it is.

Michael: (At Police Station, on phone to Lucille) They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip. Lucille: Why can't the girl at work do it? Michael: Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs. Lucille: Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated. Lindsay Funke: (Enters room) Find out what? Lucille: Your husband's dating Kitty, the whore. Lindsay Funke: He is? That's horrible! (Exits) Lucille: (to Michael) Do I know my daughter?

Buster: (Confronting Lucille about his birth father) You lied to me... you said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE!

Michael Bluth: (calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob) I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. Lucille: You would do that to your brother? Michael Bluth: I said "cot".

Dave Attell: (to Carl Weathers about Tobias) If this guy's straight, then I'm sober.

Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick. Lindsay Funke: Oh I'm sorry. (Dave Attell quickly removes the cutoffs) You dont cry when you take those off?

Lindsay Funke: I think George Michael needs a mother. Michael: Well, he's got you, he's got mom, you think that would turn him off the concept entirely.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you remember that French film we snuck into? Dangerous Cousins? George Michael Bluth: No, actually, I dont remember it. Narrator: In fact, George Michael knew the movie very well. He currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer.

Tobias Fünke: Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.

Tobias Fünke: Come on, Lindsay. We've had some great times! (a white screen appears with text reading: "Footage not found.")

Lindsay Funke: I could swear that hallucinations were a side effect of Teamosil. Narrator: They werent.

Carl Weathers: (about Burger King) I'm going to go get a drink refill. You know you can get unlimited refills on any drink you want? Tobias Fünke: It's a great restaurant. Narrator: It sure is!

Narrator: Last year, Tobias produced a video tape. But its brief success was due to its misleading name. (shows "Families with Low Self Esteem" next to "Girls With Low Self Esteem") Once this flaw was discovered, all but ten of the tapes were returned.

Tobias Fünke: I want my family back. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to reunite the band. Michael: Oh no. Narrator: Oh no was right. In the mid 90's, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive.

Lindsay Funke: Dr Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band solution was a nightmare. Michael: Tobias said it was some of the most fun your family has ever had. Lindsay Funke: Yeah, well, I was whacked on Xanotab. Michael: Well I thought Xanotab was supposed to make everything better. Lindsay Funke: For fifteen minutes. Then it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell. It's not a good supplement. Besides, Maebe wont do it. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Let's do it! I want to reunite the band! That was some of the best times we've ever had!

Michael: Oh sure, Lindsay. You're a much better parent - no borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer...

Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"? George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But I don't really want to eat it. Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"? George Michael Bluth: Yeah... I can see myself marinating a chicken in that...

Tobias Fünke: Good news, everyone! I bought the Queen Mary! Gob: Really? I was just thinking of getting a yacht. Tobias Fünke: Well, I was dancing with the owner and he was looking to sell. (everyone stares at Tobias) Also, he really, really, really did look like a woman.

Narrator: (Lucille hires contractors to build into Lucille 2's apartment) On the next Arrested Development, Lucille 2 reclaims some space.

Michael: (at Gob's magic show at the Gothic Castle) Where's Tobias? Narrator: (voiceover) Tobias had intended to come to the magic show, but had a slight miscommunication with his cab driver. Tobias Fünke: (Tobias is wearing a leather outfit he bought to impress Maebe) I would like to go to the Gothic Castle. Cab Driver: Gothic asshole? Tobias Fünke: Yes. (at the wrong Gothic Castle, Tobias sees two people walking out) Tobias Fünke: Boy, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit. (to the bouncer) Tobias Fünke: I am here to see the magic.

George Michael Bluth: (George Michael is finishing a eulogy for George Sr) I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon! George Sr: (watching from the attic) How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?

Narrator: George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating.

Gob: Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.

Narrator: Gob was recently hired by the Bluth Company's rival, Sitwell Enterprises. And although he started off well... Gob: 52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it "Single City." Narrator: ... his ideas failed to evolve. Gob: It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City." Stan Sitwell: Let's get into some new areas, if you don't mind. Narrator: But Gob continued to fine-tune his first one. Gob: How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in. Gob: This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in (bleep) City! Stan Sitwell: You're fired.

Buster: Mom is becoming a little controlling. Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again? Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there. Michael: You baited the balcony? Lucille Bluth: Prove it.

Steve Holt: Beatrice!

Lucille Austero: Do you like ham? Carl Weathers: No. (pause) I love it.

Buster: (to Michael) Mom signed me up for the army, just because the fat man dared her to!

General Garvey: (Lucille is trying to get Buster out of combat by visiting the General, an old boyfriend of hers from her USO days) I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. Lucille: Is there anything *I* can do? General Garvey: Well, maybe if you go? (leans back in his chair) General Garvey: ?downtown. Lucille: (grins) Oh, I haven't done that in thirty years. (pauses, then sings) Lucille: When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown.

Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"? George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But I don't want to eat it. Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"? George Michael Bluth: Yeah... that's better. I can see myself marinating a chicken in that.

Tobias Fünke: (Tobias has been trying out for the Blue Man Group) Bad news, Michael, I am afraid that I am no longer an understudy for the Blue Man Group. It seems that we have parted ways. Michael: (reading an official-looking letter) "Cease and decist... " Tobias Fünke: Apparently, they dont like competition. (shows a magazine ad with Tobias that says "Want a Blue Man For Less Green?")

Michael: (Michael and George Michael are watching the banana stand burn to the ground) This is going to be our best summer ever. (GOB scoots up) You mailed that insurance check, right, GOB? (GOB scoots off, Michael chases after him)

(Michael is asked to take over the family business) Michael: I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job. (There is an awkward silence) Michael: Something you apply for and they pay you to... Never mind, I don't want to ruin the surprise.

(after Lucille gives Maeby a jeweled elephant brooch that Lindsay was supposed to inherit) Lindsay Funke: That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair! I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma! You know I wanted that. Lucille Bluth: I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison.

(Lindsay commenting on her stance against circumcision) Lindsay Funke: I think it's frightening when it's cut off. It's like a Doberman - let it have its ears.

(after being declined entrance in to a high end restaurant) Lindsay Funke: Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite. Lucille Bluth: Oh, who's gonna believe that?

(after the publicist has just told the family that Michael is the most likeable member of the family) Publicist: There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Tobias Fünke: Well, that leaves me out. (silence, everyone stares) Tobias Fünke: She did say single, right? I-I-I thought she said single.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related. (she leaves) George Michael Bluth: That would be amazing.

Buster: We're excavating a pterodactyl. (plainly shows a human skull; Buster accidentally hits and breaks it with a hammer) Buster: That was 90% gravity.

Lucille Bluth: Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out? Gob: She's not that Mexican, Mom, she's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something.

Buster: No mother, I can blow myself. You've interfered for the last time.

Lindsay: Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah-blah-blah, well, you can save it, because we all know it by heart.

(Gob is leaving his and Marta's house) Marta: Te Quiero. Gob: English, please. Marta: I love you. Gob: Great, now I'm late.

(repeated line) Gob: I've made a huge mistake.

Gob: My gut is telling me no... but my gut is also very hungry.

(as cops surround the docks and start shooting at drug dealers while fake stripper cops cower nearby) Drug Dealer: You set us up! Gob: No! These are the strippers! Look how hot they are!

Armless man: Oh my god! My arm! Michael: Oh my god, this guy's arm!

(George Michael and Maeby are searching through the Bluth company files illegally) George Michael: Fingerprints? You said they wouldn't be taking fingerprints! Maebe: No, I said don't wear your mittens.

(re: Carl Weathers) Lucille: Guess who's coming to dinner?

(Tobias is trying to impress Maeby by buying some leather) Tobias Fünke: I'm looking for something that says "Dad likes leather". Salesman: You mean... Leather Daddy?

(Tobias has painted himself blue) Tobias Funke: I blue myself. Michael Bluth: There has got to be a better way to say that.

Lindsay Funke: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair. (server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire) Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it. Lindsay Funke: That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol." Lucille: Mine was better.

Tobias Funke: Where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?

(giving a toast) Michael: To Buster and Lucille... Buster: Don't forget my girlfriend! Michael: That's who I meant.

Lindsey: Nana's fine, she's been dead for six months.

Tobias Fünke: I don't do nudity! (holding up a pair of cut-off jeans) Tobias Fünke: Why do you think I wear these? George Michael: I was never really clear on that.

George Sr: You should have seen the face he made when - well, he's my twin brother, I'll show you!

(on the phone) George Michael: Hello, Bluth Company. George Sr: Talk me off, honey. Talk me off. George Michael: Talk you off what, PopPop? George Sr: Oh, George Michael! I thought you were - when's that voice gonna drop? Put Kitty on the phone.

(answering the phone) George Michael: (very quickly) Bluth-Company-George-Michael-speaking-not-Kitty.

Lucille Bluth: I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and... Annyong: Annyong! (everyone glares at Annyong) Lucille Bluth: ... and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are. Gob: Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not... Annyong: Annyong! Gob: (screaming) ... would somebody *please* tell this insufferable child to... GOD!

Lindsay Funke: (reading from Jessie's smear article) "Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire someone to kick your ass for that!

Tobias Fünke: Somebody is a Rude Gus.

Tobias Fünke: Somebody is a rude Gus!

Michael: (talking to Lindsay as Tobias enters) Tobias doesn't do anything around here. Tobias Fünke: Well excuuuuuuuse meeeee! (Tobias looks down defeated looking) Tobias Fünke: Excuse me. (walks off crying)

George Michael Bluth: Oh, my God! It's your mom and gangee! Mae 'Maebe' Funke: What are they doing here? George Michael Bluth: They're adults! They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work!

Man at Bar: You're married to Carl Weathers? Shit!

Gob: I'm a failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper.

Lucille: You tricked me. Michael: I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

(getting off the phone with George Sr) Michael: What'd he say? George Michael: Well, if I clean it up, it really isn't a sentence.

(Gob has slept with a teacher he thought Michael liked) Michael: Gob, Ms Whitehead was the civics teacher. We both had her. Gob: Yes we did, and now we're even.

(Lindsay is trying to get rid of a replica of the Ten Commandments from the front of a courthouse) Lindsay: I've always been passionate about the separation of church and state. Michael: Oh, really? What are you going to do with them? Lindsay: I don't know. Give 'em to a school!

(Buster has shown up at his father's hearing with a mariachi band) Lucille: Oh, for God's sake. He's out of the house for two days and he joins a gang.

Michael: What's the matter with you? Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again? Gob: Well, I broke a couple of my own rules. She knows I'm Gob Bluth, and... we got married, and...

Waitress: Plate or platter? Lucille: I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Michael: There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood? Gob: It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye... juice. Buster: There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook!

Michael Bluth: Why are you squeezing me with your body? Lucille Bluth: It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico! George Michael Bluth: Of course! (pause) You're mocking me. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Of course.

George Bluth, Sr: Michael, this is my brother! Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you? Michael Bluth: Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

Wife of Gob: I'm in love with your brother-in-law. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army? Wife of Gob: No. Your sister's husband. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Michael? Michael! Wife of Gob: No. That your sister's brother. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: No, I'm my sister's brother.You're in love with me? Me. Wife of Gob: I'm in love with Tobias. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: My brother-in-law? Wife of Gob: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: To be with your brother? Wife of Gob: No!

Wife of Gob: Gob, I have something to tell you - I'm in love with your brother-in-law. Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army? Wife of Gob: No, I'm in love with your sisters husband. Gob: I'm my sisters brother. You love *me*. Wife of Gob: No, I love Tobias. I know it can never be, so I enlisted in the army. Gob: To be with your brother.

Buster: Hey, brother-in-law.

Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night. Narrator: But he really didn't Gob: Yes, I did.

Michael: Where did you get that outfit? Lindsay Funke: Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing. Michael: Only two of those words describe mom, so I know you're lying to me. Lindsay Funke: Okay fine. I bought it before we went broke. I just haven't worn it until now. Michael: Uh huh. And the outfit yesterday? Lindsay Funke: Old Thing gave it to me.

Lucille: (talking to the press about her husband) The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.

Lucille: (shrieking at a waiter) Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear!

(Lindsay walks into the Ten Commandments and breaks her shoe) Lucille: They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight.

George Sr: (talking to the stockholders) ... And Gilligan has told me that my money will be safe in I.R.A.s. Ira Gilligan: Sir, it's Ira. George Sr: Sorry Gilligan. My money will be safe in Ira.

Buster: Oh my god... Oh my god... I killed Michael... Gob: But on the plus side, you got punched in the face.

Buster: Hey, brother.

Buster: Hey, adopted-brother.

Buster: Hey, hermano.

Gob: I lost Earl Milford. Michael: What? Gob: I didn't know it was him! Although he was exceptionally quiet in there. You can always tell a Milford man.

Michael: So, how'd you make the yacht disappear? Gob: Michael, a magician never reveals - (gets excited) - I sunk it! At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere.

Narrator: Gob, getting the feeling he could not return a completely frozen dead dove to a pet store and get the full refund the felt he was entitled to, decided to join him.

Michael: (seeing everyone lying around on couches) Okay, is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?

Michael: Well, you certainly haven't been shopping. The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Gob: You didn't eat that, did you?

Michael: The only thing I found in the refrigerator was a dead dove in a bag. Gob: You didnt eat that dove, did you? I only have 6 days to return it!

Michael: This doesnt look like Iraq. Barry Zuckerkorn: Nope. These are balls. You're looking at balls. Narrator: Tobias had accidentally snapped a picture of himself while learning how to use his new cell phone.

George Michael Bluth: I have Pop Pop in the attic. Michael Bluth: The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready!

Michael: Hi, there. Gob: What's she doing here? Maebe: Merry Christmas to you too, Uncle Gob. Michael: Is everything okay? Gob: I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these $2,600 pants. Michael: You think they're going to go right for the pants?

Gob: I did the right thing, Michael. If I didn't fire them, how could I teach a lesson to the others? Michael: There are no others. You fired everyone. Gob: Oh, that's great. The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is telling the guy in the $3,600 suit... how to... run the business... (pause) Come on. Michael: Maybe we were better off with me being businesslike and you being the good time useless party guy. Gob: It got us this far. And I must say I miss the laughter. Oh God, how they used to laugh with me. Michael: AT you. We have to figure out a way to hire everybody back. A meeting. Gob: A party. Michael: No, we just had a party. Gob: Yeah but I didn't get to have any fun.

Steve Holt: (reading the cast list for Tobais's play) STEVE HOLT! Maebe: STEVE HOLT! George Michael Bluth: I'm a stand-in for... Steve Holt: (interrupting) STEVE HOLT!

George Michael Bluth: What's with Steve Holt and your mom? Maebe: Oh, I gave him the impression that she was a tranny.

Steve Holt: (Tobias casts Steve in a female role in the school play) BEATRIX!

Gob: George Michael... Lets deal some drugs.

Gob: Brother? Hermano means brother? Well, sounds like Hermano is about to get his ass kicked.

Dr Gunty: (to Tobias, during a role playing session) Right! If I'm no Schwimmer, you're no Jennifer Aniston!

(flashback to George Sr driving a younger Michael, Gob, and Buster) George Sr: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note. (suddenly he runs down J. Walter Weatherman and his fake arm comes off) George Sr: (poorly acting) Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm! Why? (the kids scream as Weatherman comes up to them) J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

Michael: You taught me a lesson about not teaching lessons? George Sr: That was my last lesson.

Gob: Where am I? Am I in two-thirds of a hospital room?

Michael: (after strippers dressed as cops have taken off their uniforms) You knew all along, didn't you? George Michael: Sorta. One of the hot cops was my choir teacher.

Gob: (smoking) It's cold out here.

Michael: (about George Michael's test) A-? George Michael: Are you proud of me? Michael: Very proud... minus.

Lindsay: (saying how stress can lead to drugs) ... like the stress you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A. Michael: *Minus*, and he knows an A gets him ice cream.

George Michael: (arguing with his math book) Dumb, dumb George Michael, dumb... Michael: Hey, calm down there, you two; it's just a math problem. George Michael: Yeah, but if I fail math then there goes my chances to get a good job and have a happy life full of hard work, like you always say, right Dad?

Michael: (to George Michael) I want you to take the rest of the day off. Here's 20 bucks, buy something you don't need, be a kid, make mistakes, get in trouble. Buster: Yes, make a mistake. Take 225 from me.

Michael: Well, it's not like you made a commitment to her or anything. Buster: No, not a commitment... but I did refer to it as "our nausea, " but that was when we were going at it pretty hot and heavy. Michael: Well, now it's my nausea.

Buster: (describing Lucille 2 as he saw her without glasses on) ... a darkish area with... points.

Gob: Gilligan killed the Skipper - I mean, the stripper!

Lucille: I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E. Buster: I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice. Lucille: What a genius. Let's see you find it.

Michael: We're gonna go on a fishing trip. George Michael: Why? What did I do?

Michael: (to Lucille) You're giving the company to a guy who thought the blue part of a map was land?

Gob: (whistling) I have some conditionsss... Michael: Do you? Gob: ... termsss... One condition and one term!

(Gob has gotten George Michael to break in and steal company records) George Sr: You got my 14-year-old grandson do this? Gob: Under 18 walks out clean. George Sr: Listen, um... there's a very strict "no touching policy" here. But, um... oh, what the hell, it's worth a week in the hot box. (Hits Gob) Prison guard: No touching! George Sr: You stupid ass.

Michael: (in police car) What'd you do? George Michael: Just trying to be a good guy. Michael: Me too... let's go visit Pop-Pop.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Buster moves to the kitchen.

(after letting Gob back into the magic Alliance) Alliance member: How'd you find two Alliance-approved assistants so fast? Gob: Oh, I just used my nephew and my girlfriend. Alliance Member: You're out.

Maebe: (as Surely) No more BS! No more BS!

Gob: Michael, you have a chance to save this family. Please, do the right thing here - string this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society. Barry Zuckerkorn: The solution to all our problems is staring you in the face and it can't even see you!

George Michael: Say what you want about America - thirteen bucks can still get you a hell of a lot of mice! Gob: Who said anything about America?

Oscar: Your mother called me for a reason. I don't think she's happy. Buster: No, my mother's happy! She's just mean all the time!

Gob: Three guys hanging out together... what could be more butch than that?

Michael: So this is the Aztec Tomb trick. Gob: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money... (sees children watching his magic) ... or candy!

George Sr: (explaining why he left the company to Lucille) They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime! Michael: That's not true. George Sr: Really? Michael: Yep. George Sr: (whispering) I got the worst (bleep) -ing attorneys.

Maggie Lizer: I'm blind! Michael: I'm wasted!

Narrator: Tobias was a never nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.

Michael: Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family Lucille: And a lot of love. Michael: More lies.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Barry receives a sign from God. Barry Zuckerkorn: (Seeing a replica of the Ten Commandments on top of his car) I will obey your will, I will lead a good life! (Sees a parking ticket on his car) Well, to hell with this then!

Michael Bluth: Mom wanted me to tell you she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in a blue sweater. Buster: Dammit! I hate the blue sweater! Michael Bluth: She said it would look nice with the gray pants. Buster: Dammit! She's right!

Barry Zuckerkorn: It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family. Lucille: For how long? Barry Zuckerkorn: Ten minutes. Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.

White Power Bill: (Stabbing Gob) White power! Gob: I'm white!

Michael: G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters. Lucille: Michael? Michael: It's Mom. Hide. Gob: You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some. Michael: No. Lucille: Michael? Gob: He's in here, Mom! Michael: Come on!

Lucille Bluth: I'll be in the hospital bar. Michael Bluth: Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother. Lucille Bluth: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Lindsay Funke: I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.

Wife of Gob: G. O. B. , I want out. I'm in love with your brother... Gob: What? (to Michael) You did it again, you son of a bitch! (Punches Michael) Wife of Gob: ... In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.

Michael: You want to be in charge? Gob: Yeah. Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with? A sister who takes your money and throws it away. A mother who you can't trust. A company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want? Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. I'm sick of playing second fiddle. I'm always third in line for everything. I'm tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Michael: (discussing evidence that links George Sr to Saddam Hussein) If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it? George Sr: Well, Saddam owed us money. Michael: And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay? George Sr: Your mom had a good feeling about him.

George Michael Bluth: (Michael wants to leave his family) I like the family. I mean, if we leave, who's gonna take care of these people? Michael: I don't know. The state or the police. Maybe the Magician's Alliance will pick up some slack.

Narrator: And that's when the family realized that George Sr wasn't dead, but was fleeing the country that he loved so very much.

Lindsay Funke: Barry, did you talk to a doctor? Barry Zuckerkorn: I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that? (Cut to a shot of a rest area) Lucille Bluth: She was talking about George. Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets. (Cut to a shot of the rest area)

Lucille Bluth: You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man! (Everyone cringes) Barry Zuckerkorn: They still look fabulous.

Lindsay Funke: I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it. Tobias Fünke: Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that. Lindsay Funke: That's my point, you... (sees Mabey) ... handsome cowboy, you. Tobias Fünke: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish coun- (Notices Mabey) ... try music loving lady. Hello, Maeby.

Buster: (about Lucille) It's like she gets off on being witholding. Michael: Whoa. Buster. Gob: Look who's got something to say. Buster: (impersonating Lucille) I'm Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself. (everyone laughs) Gob: Look who's ragging on the old lady. Buster: Cause I'm an uptight (long bleep) Buster (Long bleep) ... you old horny slut! Michael: (pause) Well, no one's going to top that.

Lucille: Oh, hello, Buster. Here's a candy bar. No, I'm withholding it. Look at me, "getting off. "

Lucille: Look what they've done, Michael! Look what the homosexuals have done to me! Michael: You can't just comb that out and reset it?

Michael: I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again.

Lucille: If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. Lucille: (earlier that day) I don't care for Gob.

Michael: I love you all, Marta.

Michael: (on Buster's bike accident) You were flying today, buddy. Buster: Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun. Lucille: You let him go in the sun?

Gob: And as for Kitty, I think you're crazy to have fired her. Who knows what kind of information she has? (flashback to after Gob and Kitty have sex) Gob: He's my brother and he's never even said, "Good job. " I just want him to love me, you know? Kitty: Wow, you get really girly after, huh? Gob: (Back in the present) Yeah, she definitely knows way too much.

Marta: (after Gob's magic trick scares some children) They're children! How could you do that? Gob: Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done!

Gob: I was halfway to South America, but I couldn't let you get away with it, because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other. Michael Bluth: You were going to South America? Gob: I don't think so.

Tobias Fünke: Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor? Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going. Tobias Fünke: Yes, that's fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100. Carl Weathers: Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup... baby, I got a stew going. Tobias Fünke: (pause) I think I'd like my money back.

Narrator: As Gob was forced to send away someone he loved, George Sr was forced to visit someone he had once tried to shove out of a moving car.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Tobias gets a review of his Shakespeare play. Tobias Fünke: I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so... onward and upward. On... Tobias Fünke: (Cut to Tobias crying in the shower) Why, Tracy? Why?

(Barry has a hooker with him during "Take Your Daughter to Work Day") Michael: I didn't know you had a daughter. Barry Zuckerkorn: I don't. Charlotte: I thought you wanted me to call you Daddy. Barry Zuckerkorn: Why don't you wait for Daddy in the car?

(Buster reveals that he made George Michael get pot from Gob for him) Buster: It-it's for my girlfriend. She's sick. Gob: Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon. Buster: Oh, that's it. (starts hitting Gob) Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself?

(George Sr has been offered a plea bargain nobody has read) Michael: All right, listen, this is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their conditions if we don't even know what their conditions are. Barry Zuckerkorn: Do you want to read it? Michael: No, it is thick. Why don't we just take it. Barry Zuckerkorn: I could kiss you on the nuts! Michael: Yeah, well... what?

George Michael Bluth: So, uh, I've been thinking about that conversation we were having the other night about, uh, where Maeby came from. And uh, I was just wondering if you could finish that thought. Tobias Fünke: Yes, okay, uh... well, have a seat. Uh... um... when a man... needs to prove to a woman that he's actua- when a man loves a woman, and he actually wants to make love, uh, to her, something very, very special happens. And with deep, deep concentration and, and great focus, he's often able to achieve an erec... George Michael Bluth: I'm sorry, I'm going to stop you. I know what you mean. I, I didn't mean babies in general. Tobias Fünke: Oh, well that's good. Because it was about to get a little, eh, gross.

Marta: (to a fighting Michael and Gob) What is wrong with you? I thought you were good people. I thought you were noble. I thought you care about family, but you clearly don't. It's over. Both of you. It's over. Buster: Wait, wait. What about... what about me? Marta: I'm sorry, I'm not totally sure who you are. Buster: Wow. Wow. That's what it feels like to get punched in the face.

Michael: (opens a bag in the fridge marked "Dead Dove, do not eat", closes it quickly) I don't know what I was expecting...

Lucille Bluth: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister. Michael Bluth: I hope she's okay... Lucille Bluth: She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. (Lucille sees Lupe cleaning the inside of the fireplace) Lucille Bluth: Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there. (to Lupe) Tell me you've got an exit strategy! Michael Bluth: (chiding her) Mother... Lucille Bluth: Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: (turning a twenty into...) Monopoly! You don't have it, do you? George Michael: Yeah, actually. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Well, that's good, cuz this one is missing a lot of pieces. (drives off on his Segway) George Michael: Uh, Uncle GOB, the twenty? George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: A magician never reveals his secrets! George Michael: I don't need the secret, I need... (GOB is gone) Wow, that's so much like stealing.

Michael Bluth: Fine, we'll have a party Mae 'Maebe' Funke: For Gangey? Michael Bluth: Yeah, how'd you know? George Michael Bluth: She called and invited us. Lindsay Funke: (to Michael) Okay, maybe it was her idea. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: We don't have to come, do we? Michael Bluth: Come on, this is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children.

(Michael wants to teach his son a lesson like the ones his father used to teach him) Michael Bluth: I need the guy witht the fake arm, J. Walter Weatherman. George Bluth, Sr: Oh, he's dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioning on.

George Sr: (pleading his case to the Mexican police) Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George! Prison guard: The Cornballer! George Sr: Si, si, the cornballer! (the Mexican guards show George Sr their scarred arms from using the Cornballer) Narrator: George Sr had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S. (footage of George Sr strangling Richard Simmons)

Narrator: (Michael argues with GOB over who should do the ribbon-cutting ceremony) George Sr had always done the ribbon-cutting ceremony, even for the Orange County Prison, which he built, and later, ironically, would occupy.

Michael: That cousin of yours is a smart girl... Its too bad you can't date her. George Michael Bluth: Are you saying you'd be okay with that?

Michael: What have we always said is the most important thing? George Michael Bluth: Breakfast Michael: Family George Michael Bluth: Oh, right. Family. I thought you meant of the things you eat

George Michael Bluth: Don't you always say "family first"? Michael: Yes, but that is not a family. It's a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And aunt Lindsay George Michael Bluth: She's not really my aunt? Michael: It's not a real nose. I have a picture of her when she was 14 in a bathing cap and she looks like a falcon

Gob: I fucked Kitty! Michael: Oh, no! I only wanted you to get the information! Gob: Michael, I got the information! Michael: You did? About the international accounts? Gob: (beat) Oh, I see where you're getting at. No, I didn't get the information. Michael: Well, you just lost the touchlamp. Gob: Michael, no! Michael: I'll use the touchlamp to help set the mood in the trailer where Dad's nailing Mom! Gob: You are filthy!

Gob: I got great news. Michael: Good, I could use some. I just had to convince Mom to have sex with Dad. Gob: (repulsed) Oh, God! Michael, what is wrong with you? You're disgusting! Michael: What's wrong with you? Gob: Oh, just the thought of Mom and Dad... together... I have a sense of propriety.

Narrator: After being arrested, George Sr found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system... George Sr: (holds up wad of cash) I have... (clears throat) ... I have money

Michael Bluth: (after Kitty flashes Michael) That's the 7th nipple I've seen today.

George Sr: (George Sr is hiding in the attic, Michael brings him some food) Does Pop-pop get a treat? Michael: No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a fucking pizza!

Tobias Fünke: Good news, everyone! I recently came into some money, but unfortunately, I cant say how or where my wedding ring is...

George Sr: Don't get involved. Believe me. When I thought your first wife was pulling us apart, I did not make a stink. Michael: You complained all the time and she was my only wife and she died. George Sr: Well, see? Things have a way of working themselves out.

Gob: Yeah, the guy in the $3,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on!

Gob: Okay, everybody come out of your offices please. The party has now started. (turns on music) Let's go... Everybody dance now. (the workers stare at him) Everybody dance NOW! (the workers start listlessly dancing) Michael: Well, I think we're off to a great start.

Lucille: I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. (holds up an air horn and a fire poker) First I blow him, then I poke him. Michael: Guy has no idea what he's in for.

Lucille: Buster! Thank God you're back! There's no shame in being a coward! Buster: A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS? (holds out a stuffed seal) Lucille: What the hell is that? Buster: These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.

Michael: Clear as the Ann on plains face.

(after a one-night stand) Gob: You should have stuck around to see me get some major action. From a major blonde. Who just "majored" in marine biology, if you know what I mean. Michael: No, I don't. I can't imagine what that means.

(discussing Gob's bachelor party) Gob: Dad, you are gonna love this woman. George Sr: Well, I'm paying her enough, but she's a hell of a stripper. Gob: No, I meant my wife. George Sr: Oh. No, I doubt that very much.

(Gob is planning to break out of a prison for publicity) Warden: You really think you can break out of my prison? Gob: You won't even know I was here. Narrator: The warden was intrigued, less about the stunt and more about the prison beatings that this brash magician was sure to receive.

Michael: My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um... maybe a little "afternoon delight". Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior. Oscar: Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her? Michael: I don't need any details. Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie Michael: Hey!

Michael Bluth: I need you to do something to my mom that I cannot do. Maybe some Afternoon Delight. Oscar: Ah! Now the question is, how do I get it in her? Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannibus called "Afternoon Delight". It was known for the ability to slow down reflexes. Michael Bluth: I don't want any details... Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie... Michael Bluth: Hey!

Michael Bluth: We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw.

Lindsay: What was all that about? Michael Bluth: I think Buster's planning to flee to Mexico.

Michael Bluth: That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. Besides, you made me look very foolish in front of Sally Sitwell. George Sr: Did you stick it to her? Michael Bluth: No. You screwed that up just like you screwed up this hot tub.

Tobias Fünke: I can picture the look on Lindsay's face right now. "Where's Tobias?". Oh, he's just on a weekend getaway with Michael Bluth and they're dipping each other in... hey, you didn't get any body chocolate.

Michael Bluth: You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing. Tobias Fünke: Butterscotch! Wanna lick?

Narrator: Buster had attempted to flee to Mexico, but instead, he wound up in Santa Ana, California, a town six miles inland from his own. The two cities were so close that they shared a newspaper. Unfortunately, due to the car fumes and high temperatures, Buster could not tell the difference.

Lucille: Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds".

Narrator: Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine.

Michael Bluth: (Michael discovers that Oscar is in prison, not George) I'm sure that Oscar could last another day in prison. Narrator: Not according to the most recent blog entry on imoscar.com.

Michael Bluth: This all makes sense now. Dad's in Reno, Kitty's in Reno, Dad's in Kitty, and Dad's a Blue Man.

Michael Bluth: I need to go into the Seedy Underbelly of the city. Cab Driver: The Christian League had the Seedy Underbelly shut down. It's now called "Swallows". Narrator: Swallows was a family restaurant by day, and an anything-goes sex party at night.

Tobias Fünke: (Tobias is working as a waiter) I need to go take down the buffet and set up the leather pony. Michael Bluth: What's the leather pony? Tobias Fünke: I don't know, we don't have that at lunch.

Buster: (Buster discovers that Lucille and Oscar are making love in his hand chair) Make love in your *own* hand, Mother!

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay tries to pay off her debt to Bob Loblaw. Bob Loblaw: Why don't you get a maid's uniform and come over to my house? Lindsay Funke: No way to misinterpret that.. Narrator: (Lindsay is next seen in a maid's uniform hauling out trash) Except the one...

Tobias Fünke: If this scene I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate... Narrator: Why wouldn't she take him back?

Lindsay Funke: (about the Ten Commandments) I don't know... give 'em to a school. Michael Bluth: I don't want anymore of my family members having run-in's with the law. The Ten Commandments stay. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: So now you loooove the Ten Commandments.

Michael: Your Uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you? George Michael: No. No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter. Michael: Yeah, that makes sense.

(Gob is being interviewed for an office job) Interviewer: It was really only your brother we were interested in. I mean, you don't even have any references. (Gob performs a magic trick involving a small explosion and ending with a dove spontaneously appearing) Gob: Is that enough of a reference for you? (the dove lands on interviewer's head) Interviewer: Even a letter of recommendation? Something like that.

Tobias Fünke: I just found out that my cellular telephone was a lemon. It didn't work.

Lucille: (upon discovering Lupe in bed with Buster) (to Lupe) And yet you're too busy to dust off the candlesticks? You're fired! Buster: You can't fire me, I'm your son! I'm firing you! Lucille: I was firing Lupe! Buster: O-oh, that makes more sense.

Marta: What's the matter? Michael: I'm just worried about my father's hearing. Marta: Oh, I understand. With my father, it's the vision.

(repeated lines) Lucille: You're high! Oscar: You're drunk!

Lucille: She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. Michael: I think that makes the joke on GOB.

Gob: I was thinking. Instead of paying my share of the cost for Dad's retirement party, maybe I could put on a little magic show. Michael: That sounds good. Oh, wait, Dad's retiring. He's not turning six.

(George Michael meets Maebe for the first time) Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Excuse me. I bought one of your frozen bananas and when I bit into it, I found this! (she shows him the foot she cut off of Lucille's fox wrap) George Michael Bluth: That looks like a foot. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: It is a foot, which I really didn't mind except I believe I asked for no nuts.

father: It was down to the two of you and I'm sorry, but we've decided to go with an Alliance-approved magician. Gob: Well, congratulations. Go out there and give them a hell of a show. teenage magician: (bleep) off, traitor.

Gob: (arms crossed) Then there's me. The joker. The goofball. The magician! (quickly makes a magician's gesture with his hands) Michael: I thought you were gonna do a little fireball there. Gob: I was. It didn't go off.

Michael Bluth: You can call me anything you want... Lindsay Funke: An impotent man-boy?

Publicist: (George Sr has just become a devout Jew) Your father is religious now? Michael: Yeah. Publicist: We'll play that up, it's very sympathetic. Lucille: Yeah, who doesn't love the Jews?

George Sr: The Brits set me up! I heard nothing about Iraq! Michael: Dad, we have a picture of you and Saddam Hussein. (picture of George Sr shaking hands with Saddam Hussein. Caption says "Bluth-Hussen Meeting 1998.") George Sr: I thought he was the Soup Nazi! I was just congratulating him on a great job.

Gob: (while on Spanish-language television) I have an announcement. To prove that no prison can hold me, I will incarcerate myself into the very penitentiary that holds my own father, only to escape 24 hours later. (to Marta) Say that in Spanish.

Lindsay Funke: (after having met popular actor Moses Taylor, who plays detective Frank Wrench) I'm going to go see if I cant get a wrench to strip my nuts. (pause, everyone stares) I thought it sounded sexy.

Lucille: Start the bidding at $10,000. If the bidding increases, shout out something like "I get her 364 days a year for free!". Michael: I'm not going to say that.

Transvestite Store Clerk: Are you going to actually buy something this time, or are you just curious? Tobias Fünke: Well, let's just say that I'm buy-curious.

George Sr: Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out. Gob: (as Franklin) I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch! George Sr: (starts to choke Franklin) That's my wife, you bastard! Gob: Dad, that's my wrist! (as George Sr chokes Gob) Hey, that's his neck!

Narrator: (as Tobias prepares himself) Tobias had recently auditioned for a role as a member of the silent performance trio, the Blue Man Group. Tobias Fünke: And this is "Kids", from "Bye, Bye, Birdie". (piano cues up the song) Narrator: He had yet to hear back from them.

Gob: (while giving a lecture on office sexual harassment policies) Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office (bleep) and (bleep) and finger (bleep) and (long bleep) or even (bleep) . Even though so many of us are *begging* for it. Oh, and if anyone lays a finger on my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my (bleep) and I'll personally (long bleep) .

Gob: Ok, ok, ok. So should, should, should, should, should, shhhhshsh, should, should... Michael: Well, do it your way, I'm just here to have fun. Gob: Not too much fun, all right? I already gave my big sexual harassment speech today. Gob: (subtitle: earlier that day...) (Gob talking to Bluth employees about sexual harassment) Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office (bleep) ing, or (bleep) ing, or finger (bleep) , or (bleep) sting, or (bleep) esting or (bleep) eing or even (bleep) . Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll (bleep) , and I'll personally (really long bleep) .

Narrator: Michael had not spoken to his father since the arrest. So he decided to give his father the courtesy of a formal resignation. Michael: I quit. George Sr: Probably a good career move.

Maebe: All Pop-Op ever wanted was to see you with another man besides Daddy. Lindsay Funke: You're right! I'll just throw on a skirt, take off my underwear and make your Pop-op proud.

Tobias Fünke: (background) Uh-oh! I should not have picked at that! That's blood!

Gob: I'm filling Dad's shoes, now, Michael. Literally. Well, the shoes didn't fit but at least I got into Dad's pants. (everyone looks at GOB) And I also had to have the crotch taken up a little.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias, believing them to be pirates, boarded a van full of garishly-dressed homosexuals.

Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab. Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom. Buster: She's better than the whores you date. Gob: Don't call my escorts whores. Buster: Mom's still got it! Gob: I don't date whores! Lindsay Funke: Stop it, both of you! This objectification of women has got to stop! Michael: It's just Mom and whores.

(after watching Rita walk across the pool) Michael: Gob, was that your trick? Gob: No, Michael, that's not my trick. Narrator: On the next Arrested Development: Gob: (shouts) It's my illusion!

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