Spike: Do you two need to be alone or shall we get on to the ouchy part?

Cordelia: See? You can save the damsel *and* make great money. Is this a great country, or what? Allen Francis Doyle: Hey, let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty. Angel: You guys go on. I think I'll stay here and *not* burst into flames. Allen Francis Doyle: Oh, right, you're pretty much the night-deposit guy.

(last lines) (the gang faces an endless onslaught of demons) Spike: Any terms of a plan? Angel: We fight. Spike: Bit more specific? Angel: Well, personally? I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.

Allen Francis Doyle: (reading a cue-card) Our rats are low... Cordelia: RATES! Allen Francis Doyle: It says rats.

Cordelia: What's with those vision things of yours? Allen Francis Doyle: Well, they're messages I get, from the higher powers, whoever they are. You know, it's my gift. Cordelia: If that was my gift, I'd return it.

Cordelia: Demons. Is there anything more disgusting? Allen Francis Doyle: You think so? Cordelia: Come on. Look at this one. This demon wears a wreath of intestines around its head. I mean, honestly, what kind of statement is this thing trying to make?

Allen Francis Doyle: All I'm saying is, if you and I ever hope to take that cruise to the Bahamas together, we're going to need a lot more clients with means. Cordelia: And an alternate reality in which you're Matthew McConaughey.

Cordelia: You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard.

Cordelia: What did you put in her tea? Allen Francis Doyle: Enough whiskey to drop my Aunt Judy. And that woman had some girth. Cordelia: What's the point? Allen Francis Doyle: Well, it tastes good, and it relaxes you. Cordelia: No, I mean of ever going out with anyone. Allen Francis Doyle: Well, people need people. And people who need people... are the luckiest p... Cordelia: Either you like them, and they don't like you. Or you can't stand them, which just guarantees that they're going to hover around and never go away. Allen Francis Doyle: I hate guys like that.

Cordelia: I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons. But *I* need a raise. Allen Francis Doyle: A raise? You've been working for him for, what, 20 minutes? Cordelia: A month. And I have needs. Allen Francis Doyle: Needs? Cordelia: A person... needs... certain... designer... things. Allen Francis Doyle: Personally, I don't think you need much in the way of clothes.

Cordelia: We need more of these. Allen Francis Doyle: We'll have more soon enough. Cordelia: Well, we need them now. Have a vision. Allen Francis Doyle: I just can't perform on demand. Cordelia: We need the clients. Have a vision. Allen Francis Doyle: That money's corrupted you. Cordelia: If I hit you in the head, will you have a vision? Allen Francis Doyle: Get away from me - you're insane.

Allen Francis Doyle: If you ever want to, you know, spend one night away from the place, maybe give me a call. Cordelia: Well, stranger things have happened. No... wait... they really haven't.

Cordelia: (looking at her new place) Oh, my gosh. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? Allen Francis Doyle: (looking at her) Nope. Never.

Cordelia: First thing, I hire someone to take out that wall. Allen Francis Doyle: I thought you said it was perfect? Cordelia: Yes. And part of it being perfect is there being one *tiny* flaw for me to fix. Allen Francis Doyle: Ah, must be why you find me so fascinating.

(Cordelia clears her throat conspicuously) Angel: What? Cordelia: Nothing. I just find it endlessly fascinating how your instincts are so highly attuned when it comes to boring old evil, but you have yet to make any mention of these new shoes. Angel: Look, Cordelia. Women's shoes... men... they just don't... (Doyle enters) Allen Francis Doyle: Great shoes. New?

(Doyle saved Cordelia from a vampire) Cordelia: You were so... brave. Allen Francis Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here. Cordelia: I'm just... Allen Francis Doyle: Surprised? Cordelia: Grateful.

Cordelia: So here I am at L'Petite Renard with "Mr Armani" who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life... Angel: Blue boxes? Cordelia: Tiffany's. And all I could think about was if this wimp ever saw a monster he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out the shoe part was giving him too much credit. Angel: Well, to run is a normal human impulse when they see a monster. Cordelia: But suddenly rich and handsome wasn't enough for me. Now I'm looking for brave and interesting. Angel: Well, maybe this is good. Maybe you're changing. Cordelia: Well, if I wasn't confused enough then Doyle comes along like some badly-dressed superhero. He was pretty beaten up, but do you know what he said? "Are you ok?"

Angel: (about Eve's replacement as the Senior Partner's liason) Damn. He is well-dressed.

Cordelia: I was thinking that maybe I haven't been entirely fair to you. Maybe you don't actually have *zero* potential. Allen Francis Doyle: Wow, Cordelia. Thanks.

Cordelia: Hi Doyle. Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time? 'Cuz we already have one of those around the office. Angel: Hey. Allen Francis Doyle: Hey. Cordelia: He can get away with it. He's tall, and look at the way clothes hang on him. But you... Angel: Okay. I think you've cheered us up enough.

Angel: (after biting the new link to the Senior Partners) Wow! You really are full of it.

(Angel is thrown through a window and lands in the building lobby) Harmony: Oh, my God! Angel, what happened? Angel: Hamilton... Harmony: He's not my boyfriend! Whatever he told you isn't true! I would never betray you! Angel: Drop the act. I knew you were going to betray me. I just didn't know when. Harmony: Wait, what do you mean you knew? Angel: Let's face it. Loyalty... not really high on your list. Harmony: Because you never have any confidence in me. Angel: No. Because you don't have a soul. Harmony: I would if you had confidence in me! Angel: Harmony, get out of the building. Harmony: Are you firing me? Angel: Among other things, yes! Harmony: Well, could I get a letter of recommendation? Angel: (sighs) Sure. Harmony: Great, you're the best! But I think I'd like it soon because I don't know if... Angel: It's already on your desk.

Angel: (after drinking Hamilton's "super blood") Wow! you really are full of it.

Cordelia: Batten down the hatches. Here comes Hurricane Buffy. Allen Francis Doyle: You think? Maybe he's over her. Cordelia: You have so much to learn, little Irish man.

Cordelia: You shouldn't be trying to eat my friend's brains, you horrible ugly demon people.

Cordelia: Maybe Doyle does have hidden depths. I mean, really *really* hidden. But depths. And I'm gonna have to buy him a mochaccino for saving my life.

Cordelia: You'll get through this Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last. Allen Francis Doyle: You think I'm a nice guy? Cordelia: I think it; I say it. It's my way.

Allen Francis Doyle: When was the last time you drank blood? Angel: Buffy. Allen Francis Doyle: Left you with a bit of craving, didn't it? Let me tell you something, pal. That craving's gonna grow. And one day soon, one of those helpless victims that you don't really care about is gonna look way too appetizing to turn down. And you'll figure, "Hey, what's one against all I've saved? Might as well eat them. Still ahead by the numbers.

Allen Francis Doyle: Well, I like the place. Not much of a view, but it's got a nice Batcave sort of an air to it.

Kate Lockley: I feel like such an idiot. Angel: Lotta that going around.

Lorne the Host: And besides, we all know you got a thing for ex-cheerleaders.

Russell Winters: Angel, we don't go around attacking each other. Look at me. I pay my taxes, I keep my name out of the paper, and I don't make waves. In return, I can do anything I want. Angel: Can you fly?

Cordelia: You would dare to defy me? Angelus: Defy who? A big, scary voice? Whoa. Hey, I got one of those, too, you wanna hear it? (Talks into his hands) Angelus: You can kiss my vampire ass. That do anything for you?

Angel: What? Cordelia: What? Angel: What do you want to say? Cordelia: Ah, me? Nothing. What makes you think I wanna... Angel: 'cause I know you? Cordelia: Well, it's really - none of my business. Angel: And that always stops you. Cordelia: Actually, it is my business, *our* business, because we're trying to do a job here, and what affects you affects me, and - anyway, I don't like to see you suffer more than you have to. I don't think you should blame yourself, or feel guilty for her death. Angel: I don't. Cordelia: Good. Glad to hear it. Angel: I didn't even know who she was when I killed her. Cordelia: Not her. Angel... Angel: Oh... you - you want to talk about... Cordelia: She was the love of your life and she died. And... you weren't there when it happened. You couldn't help her fight. You couldn't save her. You couldn't die with her. This is gonna be one of those talks where I do all the talking, isn't it? Well, I'm not gonna pry. It's not my style. Okay, it's totally my style, but I can tell that I'm not getting anywhere right now. But you have to tell me one thing. You owe me this much. What the hell happened with Holtz?

Angel: You love her that much? Start a website.

Angel: This isn't a keep fighting the good fight kind of deal. Let's be clear. I'm talking about killing every... single... member... of the Black Thorn. We don't walk away from that. Lorne the Host: Do we crawl away at least? Angel: We do this, the senior partners will rain their full wrath. They'll make an example of us. I'm talkin' full-on hell, not the basic fire-and-brimstone kind that we're used to. Gunn: We know the drill. Angel: No! You don't! Ten to one, we're gone when the smoke clears. They will do everything in their power to destroy us. So... I need you to be sure. Power endures. We can't bring down the senior partners, but for one *bright* shiny moment we can show them that they don't own us. You need to decide for yourselves... if that's worth dying for. I can't order you to do this. Can't do it without you. So we'll vote... as a team. Think about what I'm askin' you to do. Think about what I'm askin' you to give.

Spike: Look, I don't know if you know this, but... I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, then she came on to me...

Wes: If you've come to tell me you killed your parents, could it wait until another time?

Fred: (after Wesley kills a robot of his father) Part of you knew. Even if you can't admit it to yourself, part of you knew it wasn't him. Wesley: No. I was sure it was him. You were there. I killed my father. Fred: He was threatening your friends. Wesley: He was threatening you. He pointed a gun at you, Fred... so I shot him.

Angel: I'm just waiting for Wes to have that "Eureka" moment. Wesley: (runs in shouting) Eureka! Lorne the Host: (surprised) You mean he really says that?

Lorne the Host: (aout Gene wanting to freeze time in a "perfect" moment) It just don't work, Gene-y. It's like a song. Now, I can hold a note for a long time - actually, I can hold a note forever - but, eventually, that's just noise. It's the *change* we're listening for, the note coming after, and the one after that. That's what makes it music.

Billy Blim: I don't hate women. I mean, sure you're all whores who sell yourselves for money or prestige, but men are just as bad. Maybe even worse. They're willing to throw away careers or families or even lives for what's under your skirt. Cordelia: I'm wearing pants. Billy Blim: So you can dress like a man? Talk like a man? Does that make you feel superior? Cordelia: Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic-shaped weapon... not lost on me.

Cordelia: (to Lilah, about misogynist Billy) It's not the pain. It's the helplessness, the certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it, that your life can be thrown away in an instant by someone else. He doesn't care. He'll beat you down till you stay down 'cause he doesn't even think of you as alive. No woman should ever have to go through that. And no woman strong enough to wear the mantle of "vicious bitch" would *ever* put up with it.

Magnus Hainsley: Control, that's all anyone really wants. Isn't it...

Gunn: Look, I say if things are quiet, let 'em be quiet. Wesley: Quiet may me good for mankind, but bad for business.

Gunn: What if I told you it doesn't help? What would you do if you found out that none of it matters? That it's all controlled by forces more powerful and uncaring than we can conceive and they will never let it get better down here? What would you do? Anne Steele: I'd get this truck packed before the new stuff gets here. Wanna give me a hand?

Spike: Where you going? Angel: To see my lawyer.

(Angel runs in to his office and finds Eve there as the building of Wolfram & Hart is tumbling around them) Eve: What the hell's going on? Angel: Looks like we're getting kicked out of the garden, Eve. Eve: Where's Lindsey? Where is he? Angel: He's not coming for you. Eve: You... what did you do? Angel: Later. Grab a weapon. Time to go. (Angel grabs a sword off his sword rack and runs out of the office, while Eve stays behind as debris falls around her) Eve: (grim tone) Go where?

Angel: This isn't the answer, Darla. Darla: You don't even know the question.

Buffy: I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.

Angel: Kate, I don't think you should go in there. Kate Lockley: And where are you going? Angel: In there. Kate Lockley: Well I can go where I like, and you can go to Hell. Angel: Been there, done that.

Jasmine: Go to Hell. Angel: After you.

Gunn: I have a plan. Wes: Oh, thank God. What it is? Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus. Wes: Oh.

Wesley: There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole.

Angel: Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?

Angel: An ant with the best intentions or the most diabolical schemes is just exactly an ant.

(while fighting Angel) Faith: I'm evil! I'm bad! Just do it... just kill me!

Fred: We stopped "a nefarious plan for global domination" not "world peace," right?

Cordelia: (Angel is leering at Cordelia) Ok, it's getting creepy now. Angel: I was just thinking about things. About people, how they relate. Take you and me, for instance. You know, we're very different. VERY different, obviously. Human, vampire. Woman, man... pire. Cordelia: Has someone been putting vodka in your blood? Angel: (nervous laughter) You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in awhile, but you!

Allen Francis Doyle: High school's over, bud. You gotta make with the grown-up talk now.

Angel: Why would a woman I've never met even talk to me? Allen Francis Doyle: Have you looked in the mirror lately? No, I guess you really haven't, no.

Allen Francis Doyle: It's not just saving lives, it's saving souls.

Angel: You don't smell human. Allen Francis Doyle: Well, that's a bit rude. As it happens I'm very much human... (He sneezes, demon face emerging) ... on my mother's side.

Allen Francis Doyle: Tell her what a great guy I am. Angel: I barely know you. Allen Francis Doyle: Well perfect, that should make it easier for you then.

Angel: (to Doyle) Where'd you pick up computer skills? Cordelia: Downloading pictures of naked women? Allen Francis Doyle: Well, that's more or less accurate.

Allen Francis Doyle: This isn't a marketing seminar, princess. You know, we need to operate a little bit more below radar? Cordelia: What radar? Allen Francis Doyle: The police. You know the service our friend Angel provides? Well, it puts 'em in mind of the 'V' word. Cordelia: Vampire? Allen Francis Doyle: No, vigilante.

Allen Francis Doyle: One of us has been drinking, and I'm sad to say it isn't me.

Angel: So, how was your summer? Mine was fun. Saw some fish, went mad with hunger, hallucinated a whole bunch. Connor: You deserved worse. Angel: Cause I killed Holtz. Except I didn't. I tried telling you that while you were busy off shore dumping me, but I didn't know the whole score. Holtz killed himself. Actually, he had your buddy Justine do it with an ice pick, just to make you hate me. Connor: Even if... you still deserved it. Angel: What I deserve is open to debate. But understand, there's a difference between wishing vengeance on someone, and taking it. So now the question becomes, what do you deserve? (Connor gets up from the chair in a rush and tries to run out the door, but Angel slams him across the room, into the wall, where Connor falls to the ground) Angel: Daddy's not finished talking.

Lorne the Host: (holding the torn body of the Angel puppet) Is there a Gepetto in the house?

Polo: So, you got a little demon in you? Angel: I got a lot of demon in me.

Harmony: (to Spike) Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!

Wesley: Honey of a story. Lorne: Story? Wesley: Yeah. The Vampire Slayer both men loved, both men lost. Oh, I could sell that to any studio in a heartbeat. I - I see Depp and Bloom. But then, I see them a lot. (Wes has an annoyed look) Wesley: Sorry. Hazard of running the Entertainment Division. I need to get out more.

Spike: Think I'm hot, do you? Fred: Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.

(to Hainsley's butler) Angel: We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart. Spike: I'm his date.

(after Angel kills Hainsley by throwing a silver dish plate at him, Spike's ghostly head sticks out) Spike: Oh, bollocks. (Hainsley's body falls to the floor) Spike: I was just getting warmed up. Angel: That was you hitting me? Spike: The last bit, yeah. Hainsley's been dead since he hit the table. Oh, come on. Had to get a few licks in, didn't I?

Angel: (on phone) You took my Viper. Spike: My Viper now, mate. Possession's nine-tenths. Oughta know that, runnin' a law firm and such.

(Spike takes a drink out the of the Cup of Perpetual Torment) Spike: It's... Mountain Dew.

Lorne: Hey, down in front! Eve: Yeah, Angel. You're blocking the apocalypse.

Lorne: Maybe you have some type of puppet cancer. Angel: I do not have puppet cancer! Come on, guys. This is serious. I'm a puppet, and there are children's lives at - (sees Smile Time playing on the TV) Hey, it's Smile Time!

Angel: Harmony, get my call list. Harmony: Um - Angel: And Spike needs a car. Spike: You heard the puppet.

Polo: After all, it's Smile Time! Angel: No, it's not. It's time to kick your ass all the way back to hell.

(to puppet Angel) Polo: I'm gonna tear you a new puppet hole, bitch!

Angel: You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. Angel: (to Illyria) And if that comes down to a choice between you and him... then, yes, I would fight for his life... just like any other human's... because that's what people do, that's what makes us - (Wes shoots Knox) Angel: (to Wes) Were you even listening? Illyria: You've destroyed my Qwa'ha Xahn. Spike: Yeah, okay, but you've gotta admit, he had it coming.

(as the Camaro SS is driving itself) Angel: This is weirdin' me out. Is this weirding you out? Spike: What, you never heard of Knight Rider? Knight Industries 2000? KITT? Never mind.

Spike: (asking Gunn) How do you say "wank off" in Italian?

(Spike pulls up to Angel on a scooter) Angel: Hop on, little mama. Angel: I'm not riding on the back.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: And you, what an honor. The great Angelus. Angel: Actually, it's just Angel. Ilona Costa Bianchi: Ah, yes, of course. The Gypsies, they gave you your soul. The Gypsies are filthy people. (spits) And we shall speak of them no more.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: Now, what happened to the drop? No grazie, prego, kiss kiss? Angel: Grazie. Prego. Kaboom.

Angel: Then we're all agreed. Spike: Yeah. We're all one big happy Manson family.

Spike: And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be lead around - Wes: Excuse me? Fred: Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said. Angel: Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know. Gunn: Seems to be a lot of that. Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world. Angel: You're *not* in the world, Casper.

Spike: (looking down at the scene unfolding in the alley) (high voice) How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? Spike: (low voice) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair! Spike: (high voice) But there must be some way I can show my appreciation. Spike: (low voice) No, helping those in need is my job, and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! Spike: (high voice) I understand, I have a nephew who's gay. Spike: (low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot and I'm almost out of that Nancy-bot hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly to the Angelmobile, away!

Angel: All right, so I'm a puppet. That doesn't mean you don't have work to do!

Angel: What the hell are you doing? Gunn: What needs to be done.

Angel: What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. but then, I once got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend for 100 years so I guess a few months under the ocean gave me perspective. Kind of an M. C. Esher perspective. But I did get time to think: about us, about the world. Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, it's cruel, and that's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from or what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as if the world is as it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet. I hope you will be. (Angel walks right up to Connor and stares at him) I love you, Connor. Now get out of my house. (Connor leaves)

Cordelia: You'll win this in the end. I, uh... just wish I could be there to see it. Angel: What do you mean? You're not... Cordelia: I can't stay. This isn't me anymore. You can say good-bye to the gang for me, explain everything once you understand. Angel: That's gonna be never. I need you here. Cordelia: Don't make it hard, Angel. I'm just on a different road... and this is my off-ramp. The Powers That Be owed me one, and I didn't waste it. I got my guy back on track.

Faith: You okay? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Five-by-five.

Cordelia: I am somebody. I matter. People will be attracted to my positive energy and help me achieve my goals. I'm right where I'm supposed to be and not dying for something to eat.

Allen Francis Doyle: You need to chat people up a little more casual like, you know? "What's your name? How's life treatin' you? What's that, you say? Minions from hell getting you down?" Cordelia: Excuse me, but I am an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't have to talk to people to know their stories. Jazz Hands, over there? Mama's boy, Peter Pan complex. Self-absorbed closet dyke with a big The World Owes Me chip on her shoulder, and check out Sarah Plain and Tall, has or comes from big money. Allen Francis Doyle: How do you know all that? Cordelia: Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with.

Angel: (to Spike) Don't you have to go save the world from people like... you.

Angel: The Gateway for Lost Souls... is under the post office? Allen Francis Doyle: Eh, it makes sense, if you think about it.

Angel: I feel something coming, Doyle - I don't know what. But I know we're a part of it. Allen Francis Doyle: Well, if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to 'em? Just seems unfair, you know? You gotta save all the helpless-types around here, and now you gotta fight the Apocalypse as well? Angel: It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight, whichever way you can. Allen Francis Doyle: Tell you what - you fight, and I'll keep score.

Allen Francis Doyle: The idea of sudden family obligations with guys who looked like big, blue pin-cushions... it was just a little too much to take right then.

Cordelia: Why didn't you tell me you were half-demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad. Allen Francis Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me. Cordelia: I've rejected you way before now. So you're half-demon - big whoop. I can't believe you think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire, hello?

Cordelia: I mean, you're half-demon, that is so far down the list. Way under short... and poor... is there anything else I should know? Allen Francis Doyle: Half-demon thing - pretty much my big secret. Cordelia: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner already? Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah?

Barney: First off, you should know, right away, before there's any misunderstanding - I'm a demon. Angel: I appreciate your candor.

Cordelia: I didn't ask for this responsibility, unlike some people, who shall remain lifeless.

Cordelia: Are you all right, Wesley? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: No. These pants tend to chafe one's - legs.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life - and then I'm going to take that inch.

Allen Francis Doyle: I'm finally free to go and make my mark on the world. Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that.

(speaking of Cordelia) Allen Francis Doyle: She'll provide a connection to the world. She's got a very... humanizing influence. Angel: You think she's a hottie. Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah, she's a stiffener all right. I can't lie about that.

Cordelia: I guess the single life is particularly tough on you. A couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, because of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil - again - and kill everyone. Angel: Thanks, Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective. Cordelia: Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster.

Cordelia: So, um, are you still... (baring her teeth and making claws) "GRRR"? Angel: Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.

Buffy: Angel? You okay? Angel: I feel weird. Buffy: I know. I do, too. I mean, I only came to see you so I could tell you face to face not to see me face to face anymore. And I know there's a fly in that logic ointment somewhere, but the next thing I knew, we were being attacked by this Mutant Ninja Demon Thing, and we're on the floor on top of each other, and it's just really confusing being around you. Angel: No, I meant I felt weird from the demon's blood. It's powerful. Buffy: O-kay. Let's just rewind Buffy's little outburst and pretend it never happened.

Cordelia: This plant was thriving just this morning. Now look at it. I'm telling you, where she leads, dark forces follow. Allen Francis Doyle: Buffy gave it mites? Cordelia: How else do you explain it? Allen Francis Doyle: Jealousy? Cordelia: I'm jealous of her? Please. Allen Francis Doyle: Just a theory.

Cordelia: People really do change. Angel: Yes, they do. And sometimes, they change back. If the day ever comes that I... Cordelia: Oh, I'll kill you dead. Angel: Thanks. Cordelia: What are friends for?

Allen Francis Doyle: The only money in my family is underneath the couch cushions. Not to mention the fact that half of them are demons. Angel: Only two of them are.

Cordelia: What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most popular sport among men? Angel: Fourth, after luge.

Angel: There are three things I don't do: tan, date and sing in public.

Angel: I hate waiting. You got anybody to eat around here?

Angel: (to Lindsey) If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.

Cordelia: Wow, what a nice place. Love your curtains. Not afraid to emphasize the curtains.

Cordelia: I finally get invited to a nice place with no mirrors and lots of curtains. Hey, you're a vampire. Russell Winters: What? No, I'm not. Cordelia: Are too. Russell Winters: I don't know what you're talking about. Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale. We had our own Hellmouth. I think I know a vampire when... I'm... alone with him... in his fortress-like home.

Cordelia: You need somebody to organize things, and you're not exactly rolling in it, Mr "I was alive for 200 years and never developed an investment portfolio".

Allen Francis Doyle: I've been sent by the powers that be. Angel: The powers that be what?

Allen Francis Doyle: Once upon a time there was a vampire. And he was the meanest vampire in all the land. All the other vampires were afraid of him, he was such a bastard. Then one day he's cursed by gypsies. They restore his human soul. And all of a sudden he's mad with guilt... it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a little sex is my feeling. So, sure enough, enter the girl. Pretty little blonde thing, Vampire Slayer by trade, and our vampire fell madly in love with her. Eventually the two of them get fleshy with one another. The technical term is "perfect happiness." But when our boy gets there, he goes bad again. So when he gets his soul back for a second time, he figures he can't be anywhere near Miss-Young-Puppy-Eyes without endangering them both. So, what does he do? He takes off. Goes to L.A. to fight evil and atone for his crimes. He's a shadow. A faceless champion of the hapless human race.

Angel: I don't want to share my feelings. I don't want to open up. I want to find Russell and I want to look him in the eye. Allen Francis Doyle: Then what? Angel: Then I'm going to share my feelings.

Cordelia: A cockroach. In the corner. I think it's a bantamweight.

Angel: Los Angeles. You see it at night and it shines. Like a beacon. People are drawn to it. People and other things. They come for all sorts of reasons. My reason? No surprise there. It started with a girl.

Cordelia: I grew up in a nice house. It wasn't like this, but we did have a room or two that we didn't even know what they were for. Until the IRS got all huffy about my folks not paying taxes for, well, ever. They took it all.

Allen Francis Doyle: I get visions. Which is to say, great splitting migraines that come with pictures. A name, a face. I don't know who sends them. I just know whoever sends them is more powerful than me or you and they're just trying to make things right.

Cordelia: Are you troubled? Or is that your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we are very discreet.

Cordelia: That is so high school. "Cordelia wears bras. Ooo, she has girlie-parts.

Kate Lockley: Way to come off like a drunken slut. Slut's better than hypocrite, right? Angel: Kind of hard on yourself. Kate Lockley: That's me. Self-flagellating-hypocrite-slut.

Cordelia: It moves from body to body. And when it leaves one for the next, not going to gag here, the first one goes kaplooey pretty fast. Allen Francis Doyle: Curdles like cream on a hot day. Cordelia: I believe I covered that with non-dairy "kaplooey"?

Angel: This socializing thing is brutal. I was young once, I used to go to bars. It wasn't anything like this. Allen Francis Doyle: You used to go to taverns. Small towns, where everybody used to know each other. Cordelia: Yeah, like high school. It was easy to date there. We all had so much in common. Being monster food every other week, for instance.

Cordelia: I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.

Cordelia: See girl in distress. See Angel save girl from druggy-stalker-boyfriend.

Cordelia: I couldn't get comfortable in here if the floor was lined with mink. How can you live like this? Allen Francis Doyle: I didn't until last week. Then I saw what you did with your place and I just had to call my decorator. Cordelia: No way. My apartment is nowhere near this yucky. It smells like bong-water in here. Spike: It's called addiction, Angel. We all have it. I believe yours is called Slutty the Vampire Slayer.

Allen Francis Doyle: Think of it, man, poolside tanning, bargain matinees, plus I know a couple of strip clubs that have a fabulous luncheon buffet... I've heard.

Allen Francis Doyle: I bet he's out hangin'-ten right now, out on the sandy shore at Malibu. Wind in his hair, bikini babes a-whistlin'.

Spike: Caught me fair and square, white hat. I guess there is nothing to do now but go quietly and pay my debt to society.

Spike: To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, "duh".

Spike: (as Rachel) How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing? Spike: (as Angel) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair. Never the hair. Spike: (as Rachel) But there must be some way I can show my appreciation? Spike: (as Angel) No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough. Spike: (as Rachel) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so... Spike: (as Angel) Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.

(Wesley and Cordelia impersonate Angel and Buffy) Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Kiss me. Cordelia: Bite me. (Wesley grabs Cordelia and pretends to bite her neck, growling) Angel: You can both bite me.

Cordelia: This isn't a needle in a haystack, this is a needle in Kansas.

Angel: I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death. Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah, well, you stood up. Angel: Oh, God. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, one more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, EVERYTHING. (beat) How is your mom?

Spike: Speaking of little Buff, I ran into her recently. Your name didn't come up. Although she has been awfully busy jumping the bones of the first lunkhead that came along. Good-looking fella. Used her shamelessly. She is cute when she's hurting.

Angel: Am I intimidating? Cordelia: As vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black look.

Allen Francis Doyle: He likes playing the hero. Walking off into the dark, his long coat flowing behind him in that mysterious and attractive way. Cordelia: Is this a private moment? I could leave you alone. Allen Francis Doyle: I'm not saying I'm attracted...

Angel: I'm not comfortable asking people for money. Cordelia: Then get over it. I mean that in a sensitive way.

Cordelia: It's just so unfair. Here's this poor girl. She hooks up with a doctor. That's supposed to be a good thing. You should be able to call home and say "Hey, mom, guess what? I've met a doctor." Not, "Guess what? I met a psycho and he's stalking me and oh, by the way, his hands and feet come off and he's not even in the circus.

Angel: I'm in private security. Melissa: And you're walking around in underground garages telling people this because... ?

Allen Francis Doyle: Protect and serve. It's entirely my bag.

Melissa: I think you gave up on being loved a long time ago and now you're just another creep who gets off on pain.

Cordelia: (answering phone) Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. (Later on...) Allen Francis Doyle: (answering phone) Angel Investigations. We hope you're helpless.

Angel: Well, I guess I kind of worked it out. If there's no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters... then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today. I fought for so long, for redemption, for a reward, and finally just to beat the other guy, but I never got it. Kate Lockley: And now you do? Angel: Not all of it. All I want to do is help. I wanna help because people shouldn't suffer as they do. Because, if there isn't any bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world. Kate Lockley: Yikes. It sounds like you had an epiphany. Angel: I keep saying that. No one listens.

Wes: To family. Angel: To family. Lorne: As long as it is not mine.

Kate Lockley: Our suspect will be a white male. To the observer he will not seem a monster. His victims put up little or no struggle, so it's likely that he is charming, attractive, but at his core he is a loner. Possibly a dual personality, who once the crime has been committed, retains no memory of the act. He will not view his victims as subhuman, rather it's himself that he views as something other than human, more than human, a superior species. Stalking his prey, getting to know them. It's unlikely that he'll be married, though he may have recently come off a long-term relationship that ended badly. We look for a precipitating event in cases such as this, and a painful breakup is always at the top of the list. Prior to failing this relationship may have marked an inactive period in our suspects life. He would have regarded it as a lifeline, his salvation, but once ended, it resulted in his recidivism. What is not in question is his experience. He's been doing this for a very long time, and he will do it again.

Cordelia: (when she has no memory of her life) You have no idea how much this is killing me. I know my ABC's, my history. I know who's President and that I sort of wish I didn't. I know the name of every shoe store in the Beverly Center, but I don't even recognize the sound of my own name.

Spike: (after Drogyn has given Spike a look because of his question asking) What's your favorite color? What's your favorite song? Who's the goalkeeper for Manchester United?And how many fingers am I holding up? You want to kill me. Try. I don't have time for your quirks

Cordelia: I'm just glad we got to you before anything really bad happened. Well, I mean, besides the slavery and the super horrible beatings.

Wes: (after accidentally hitting Angel with a a word when realizing he's a vampire) Sorry! I mean, hah!

Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path. Angel: That it is.

Allen Francis Doyle: Protecting young women such as yourself? Yeah, there've been four. And three of them are very much alive.

Kate Lockley: This guy could go to jail tomorrow and still kill her in her dreams every night. I've put a few of these creeps away and the hardest thing is to know that he's still winning. She's still afraid. He took her power away and no one can get it back but her.

Cordelia: I'm not a sniveling whiny little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.

Cordelia: Back off Polygrip. You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass out of this place because, lady, the bitch is back.

Cordelia: I am not giving up this apartment. Angel: It's haunted. Cordelia: It's rent-controlled.

Cordelia: This is easy. Little Old Lady ghost, probably hanging around because she thinks she left the iron on.

Cordelia: You're going to pack your little ghost bags and get the hell out of my house.

Allen Francis Doyle: (about Cordelia) She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her.

Allen Francis Doyle: (re: his life story) Quite a tale it is, too. Full of ribald adventure and beautiful damsels with loose morals...

Cordelia: Your cousin called, with one of those names from your part of England.

Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school. Decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes.

Cordelia: My urination just hasn't been public enough lately.

Kate Lockley: Thing about detectives is, they have resumes and business licences and last names. Pop stars and Popes, those are the one-name guys. Angel: You got me. I'm the Pope.

Allen Francis Doyle: What about friendship and family and all the things that are priceless like they say in that credit card commercial?

Kate Lockley: Where's the truth? He's hiding behind Mr Humor. Look at Doyle, really look at him, what do you see? Cordelia: A bad double-poly blend? Kate Lockley: That's defense, Cordelia. Maybe you should open your heart to a new possibility. Allen Francis Doyle: Hey, you know, she's starting to make some sense...

Kate Lockley: In my day we didn't need any damn sensitivity.

Kate Lockley: He forgot how to be anything but a cop a long time ago. Maybe that's why I became a cop too. After Mom died, you stopped. It was like you couldn't stand the sight of me. Her face, her eyes looking up at you. But big girls don't cry, right? You said, gone's gone and there's no use wallowing. Worms and dirt and nothing forever. Not one word about a better place. You couldn't even tell a scared little girl a beautiful lie. God, I wanted to drink with you. I wanted you to laugh with me just once, the way you laughed with Jimmy, or Frank... My best friend, Joanne, her mom was soft and she smelled like macaroni and cheese and she'd pick me up on her lap and she would rock me. She said that she wanted to keep me to herself. She said that I was good and sweet. Everybody said I was. Do you realise that you've never told me that I'm pretty? Not once in my life?

Fred: (to Wes in a dream) Don't you understand that I'm gone?

Cordelia: Mr and Mrs Spock need to mind-meld now.

Cordelia: Am I wrong in thinking that a "please" and "thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?

Cordelia: You do remember leaving us in the sewer with a giant calamari?

Cordelia: Do you think that tentacle spew comes out with dry cleaning?

Cordelia: You stink of whammy.

Angel: I wanted to, you know, thank you so much for going through those coroner reports, because I can imagine how not fun it is to read about, you know, coroner stuff. Cordelia: Lame.

Spivey: I heard it was suicide. Kate Lockley: Supervisor Caffrey shot himself? Spivey: It happens. Kate Lockley: In the back of the head? Wrapped himself in plastic and he locked himself in the trunk of his car? Spivey: He'd been depressed.

Angel: My parents were great. Tasted a lot like chicken.

Cordelia: I swore when I went down that road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again.

Allen Francis Doyle: He's a demon? And she's all signed on to be Mrs Demon? Tell me again how ugly he is?

Cordelia: Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children? Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as his cover story?

Angel: Where are you? Cordelia: In the netherworld known as the 818 area code.

Allen Francis Doyle: You're marrying that guy? Harriett: I know, it's wild, huh? I'm definitely the yin to his yang, but it works. He's got a good heart, Francis, just like you. Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah, maybe, but the container? Can I get a side of bland with that bland?

Cordelia: That's our Buffy. Allen Francis Doyle: She seemed a little... Cordelia: ... Bulgarian in that outfit?

Cordelia: (re: Buffy and Angel) Let me explain the lore here, OK? They suffer, they fight, that's "business as usual." They get groiny with each other, the world as we know it falls apart.

Cordelia: They didn't even have cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip when you were alive. Angel: I want some. Can you get that? Cordelia: It'll go straight to your thighs.

Cordelia: (re: Angel) Where's the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom?

Buffy: Oh boy, I was really jonesing for another heartbreaking sewer talk.

Female Oracle: I like Time. There is so little and so much of it.

Buffy: (re: the Mohra demon) It was rude. We should go kill it. Angel: I'm free.

Cordelia: I've decided not to feel sorry for myself. I'm taking matters into my own hands, organizing a little "going out of business" sale to subsidize the severance package Angel never bothered setting up for me.

Male Oracle: Temporal folds are not to indulge the whims of lower beings.

Cordelia: Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity? Allen Francis Doyle: I don't see Angel putting on tights... Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing.

Cordelia: This may look like a popular brand of breath freshener, but it's really a carefully disguised demon repellent.

Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial?

Angel: All those tattoos, all those new tricks you've learned just don't matter. Doesn't matter what you try. Doesn't matter where I am or how badass you think you've become. Because you know what? I'm Angel. I beat the bad guys.

Illyria: To never die and to conquer all - *that* is winning.

Illyria: A true ruler is as moral as a hurricane. Empty, but for the force of his gale.

Cordelia: Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Angel, torture her. Angel: What? Eve: What? Cordelia: You heard me. Building's clearing out means we don't have a lot of time. Have at it. Angel: I can't just... torture her. (Cordelia scoffs) Fred: He's right, Cordy. If we sink to their level, then (Harmony grabs Eve throws her on the desk) Angel: Harmony! Harmony: Is this okay? I mean. I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team. Angel: Yeah. Okay.

Illyria: Your body warms. This one is lusting after me. Connor: Oh, no. I? It's? It's just, uh - it's just the outfit. I guess I've always had a thing for older women. Angel: They were supposed to fix that. Connor: What? Angel: Nothing.

Knox: Showtime Spike: Any seats left? Angel: If not, we can just stand in the back. Knox: Guys, you should scan the headlines here. You can't win this. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Then we all die trying. Illyria: Why? Angel: You want the short version? Let's start with you walkin' around looking like the woman you murdered. Illyria: You think your actions will restore her. Angel: No. Illyria: Yet you seek a confrontation you cannot win. Angel: What you're trying to do... raise your army, reclaim your world... innocent people would die, like Fred. I can't let that happen. Illyria: You are the protector of these creatures? Angel: Yes. Illyria: You'd fight for their lives? Angel: Yes. Illyria: Even this one? Knox: Is that an issue? Is my life in peril, boss? King? Angel: You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. And if it comes down to a choice between you and him... then, yes, I would fight for his life just like any other human's... because that's what people do, that's what makes us... (gunshot heard, Knox is hit and falls down dead) Angel: (to Wesley) Were you even listening?

Angel: So, you're a freak. Boo-hoo. Get over it. Gwen: What? Angel: I think you figured out I'm not the poster-boy for normal. Sometimes, you just gotta let go. (hits Elliott) Gwen: Hey. I wanted to do that. Angel: You were going to fry him. Gwen: Was not. Angel: Don't fib. Gwen: Lie. Did you at least break his nose?

Allen Francis Doyle: Cordy, oppressed demon people here, not getting any safer.

Lorne the Host: What's today... Thursday. The world's gonna end tomorrow.

Angel: I'm not cheap, I'm just old. I remember when a few bob got you a good meal, a bottle and a tavern wench.

Allen Francis Doyle: Is that it? Am I done?

Angel: I know. I can tell. I've done enough lying for me to tell the difference. Truth has a better sound to it. Plus the nasal, you know? What you did to me was unbelievable Connor. Then, I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so a few months under the ocean actually gave me some perspective. Kind of a M.C. Esher perspective. But I did get time to think. About us. About the world. Nothing in the world is the way it aught to be. It's harsh. And cruel. That's why there's us. Champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done, suffered, or even if we make a difference, we live as though the world were as it should be. To show it what it can be. You're not apart of that yet. I hope you will be, I love you Connor. Now get out of my house.

Allen Francis Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still left in this world. Homeless Woman: Got any spare change? Allen Francis Doyle: Get a job, you lazy sow.

Marcus: What do you want, Angel? Angel: House in the country. A good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner.

Host's Elder: Each morning before I feed, I go into the hills where the ground is thorny, beat my breast and curse the day you were ever born. Lorne the Host: My mother. Host's Elder: Your father was right: we ate the wrong son.

Charles Gunn: I never had to look so hard to find trouble before.

(the Hosts buzzer is going off) Lorne the Host: All right, all right (buzz) Lorne the Host: All right already (buzz) Lorne the Host: keep your pants on. (he opens the door to reveal Angel) Lorne the Host: see we're a little late with that advice.

Lorne the Host: I feel a song coming on Angel: I thought you would Lorne the Host: (singing) Somewhere over the rainbow.

(Wesley and Gunn are about to be beheaded) Charles Gunn: I've got a plan. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Thank God. What is it? Charles Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to Hell and I go to Heaven and spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.

Lee Mercer: This is ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate the first assassin.

(to Wesley about Angel) Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy, his scowl is a little less scowly

Darla: No, I haven't been nourishing it. I haven't given this baby a thing. I'm dead. It's been nourishing me. These feelings that I'm having, they're not mine. They're coming from it. Angel: You don't know that. Darla: Of course I do. We both do. Angel, I don't have a soul. It does. And right now, that soul is inside of me but soon, it won't be. And then I won't be able to love it. I won't even be able to remember that I loved it. And I want to remember.

Lorne the Host: This is way beyond my Ken... and my Barbie and all my action figures.

Angel: Start talking. Lorne the Host: About my dimension?... Sure, okay, lets see, er, I was there, I came here, I like it here, I don't wanna go there.

Lorne the Host: Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I said I was never, never, never gonna leave. Exactly which never did you not understand?

(Arrived in another dimension, in daylight) Charles Gunn: You all see the street do that bendy thing? Angel: So we made it then, this is your world. Lorne the Host: Ah yes, home sweet hell. Angel: I'm not on fire. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: And we're together and we didn't merge into a freakish four-man Siamese twin. Charles Gunn: That was a risk. How come nobody told me that was a risk. Angel: (happy) Can everybody notice how much fire I'm not on.

(In another dimension, Angel is unaffected by daylight) Angel: I'll start gathering some branches to cover up the car. Oh hey, look. There's some over in that patch of sun... I'll get 'em. (rushes off)

Lorne the Host: Oh am I glad to see you. You're so much less dead than I expected. Angel: What did they do to you? Lorne the Host: Well, first there was the welcome home parade in my honor, ticker tape, streamers. Honestly I was so touched I almost wept. (pause) They locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked me a bunch of questions. Your standard film noir.

Angel: Where's Darla? Charles Gunn: We tried to stop her by hitting her feet and fists with our faces?

Angel: Darla. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Darla? Cordelia: Darla? Fred: Who's Darla? Gunn: Angel's old flame, from way back. Fred: Not the one who died? Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one, the other one who died and came back to life. She's a vampire. Fred: Do y'all have a chart or somethin? Gunn: In the files, I'll get it for you later.

(to Spike whilst fighting) Angel: Is this your strategy for getting the ring back? Spike: I had a plan. (Hurls Spike onto a car and pins him face first to the bonnet) Angel: You, a plan? Spike: Yeah I good plan. A Smart Plan. Carefully Laid Out. Angel: What went wrong? Spike: I got bored. (Spike throws Angel against a wall, begins kneeing him repeatedly) Spike: All that watching, waiting, standing around. My Legs Cramped Up.

Lorne the Host: Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich. You wanna save the girl. I can see why. But you're missing the crucial point here. Things fall apart. Not everything can be put back together, no matter how much you want it.

Faith: Are you saying I got to apologize? Angel: Think you can? Faith: I don't know. How do you say, "Gee, I'm sorry tortured you nearly to death"? Angel: First of all I'd leave the "Gee"...

Buffy: She tried to kill you. Angel: That was just a cry for help. Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "help" in a loud voice.

Angel: Check me out. I'm "Mr Dad".

Angel: Cordy, look, I know that you can't hear me, but, there is something I have to say. You really piss me off, you know that? I thought we trusted each other. But you've been lying. MRI's and CAT scans? It's been going on for over a year. Why couldn't you let me in? I could have helped you. You make me so furious. Cordelia: You're furious? I get body-jacked on my birthday, and you're the one that's furious?

Fred: (singing) I'm crazy. I'm crazy for being so lonely... Cordelia: I swear to God, she picked that song out herself.

Cordelia: The demon did that to you? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: No, one of the power walkers. Apparently, she thought I was disrespecting its cultural heritage by killing it.

Angel: I don't get them. Power walkers. Why not just walk? Or run for better time?

Cordelia: You're a champion? In what way are *you* a champion?

Angel: Can I say it? I'm gonna say it. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Say what? Angel: There's no place like... Willow? Cordelia: What's... ? Angel: It's Buffy.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: What do you see? Cordelia: Moo. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Moo? Is it a cow demon? Cordelia: Move. The cous-cous is coming up. (throws up) Angel: They'll take that off the bill, right?

Cordelia: I'm just saying- You can run away, avoid talking about this, but you know as well as I do that stuff we do in the past usually comes back to bite us in our respective 'assi' and what you did... Angel: Okay. So maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly. I mean, I was drunk for a while. Drunk on my own son's blood, slipped into my food by the good folks at Wolfram and Hart. And my head was a little clouded with rage over a trusted friend stealing my child from me... Damnit Cordelia. You got me talking about this. Cordelia: Probably just needed to vent.

Angel: What? No hug?

Fred: Where's Wesley? Justine: Heaven? Hell? I slit his throat.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: (a threat) I'll take away the bucket.

Charles Gunn: They don't seem to be bothered by the fact that he's a demon. Fred: Maybe they think it's all make-up, like the Blue Man Group. Tell me the Blue Man Group aren't...

Angel: They talk about me in the chatty-rooms?

(Rips the roof of Lilah's convertible) Angel: That's cool. The top just comes right off.

Lilah: You know Angel, coming from you, idle threats are just so... idle. (Sticks his hand through the car roof) Angel: You remember when I ripped your car in half? Lilah: Yeah, yeah. Hulk smash.

Fred: You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch.

(as the 'dead' demon starts to move again) Angel: Oh come on, I'm holding your head.

Fred: Done and doner.

Spike: Oh, oh. Me, me. I'm your people person.

Angel: And Eve, you'll stay here with me and we'll have more sex. Eve: I'm on it.

Angel: Say you're not here for the Axis. Gwen: I'm not here for the Axis. Angel: You're lying. Gwen: Fib. It's lying only classier.

Angel: Who are you? Gwen: Who are you? Angel: I asked you first. Gwen: What are you seven?

(commenting on Cordelia's acting) Angelus: I mean, I've been to hell, but that was so much worse.

Groo: Hail to you potential client.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I took the liberty of providing you with a new work space. Angel: Great. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: And I'd love a cup of coffee. Angel: That's, that's very funny. Cordelia: Two sugars in mine. Charles Gunn: Mocha cappuccino here. Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.

Cordelia: Ever since you've come back from your grief trip I can tell that something's not right. And, and *obviously* it's not. - Buffy's - dead, and I don't mean to diminish that. I miss her too. - I just wanna say - I know that James with all his Romeo and Juliet madness, opened up a lot of wounds for you, but you'll be okay. Angel: I am okay. Cordelia: Then - what's the problem? Angel: That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me. That I could deal with it. - In all those years - no one ever mattered. Not like she did. - And now she's gone - forever. Cordelia: And you're still here. Angel: Yeah. I just feel like I'm betraying her somehow. Cordelia: No. If you were a loser, if you were some sick obsessed vampire, you'd go to a Snod demon, or whatever, and get your heart cut out. But you're not. You're a living, breathing... Well, living, anyway - good guy, who's still fighting and trying to help people, and that's not betraying her, that's honoring her. Angel: You think? Cordelia: I'm Cordelia. I don't think. I know. Okay?

Spike: It's not murder if you say yes.

Angel: It's a zombie. Connor: What's a zombie? Angel: It's an undead thing. Connor: Like you? Angel: No. Zombies are slow moving, dimwitted things that crave human flesh. Connor: Like you. Angel: No. It's different, trust me.

Charles Gunn: What the hell was that? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Zombies. Charles Gunn: Well thanks for the newsflash, Captain Obvious.

Angel: Food getting any better? Faith: You know, it's not that different from what I grew up on. It's a little one note. Eating the same thing every day. Angel: I wonder what that's like. Faith: Right.

Cordelia: Why did the small, yucky man say that?

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: As far as evil plans go, it doesn't suck.

Gwen: Manny said that he was an orb-keeper, right? Maybe he kept an orb. Cordelia: In his head? Gwen: Where do you keep yours?

Angel: Okay, enough. Let's just focus on the beast trying to blot out the sun and point fingers later.

Gwen: I'm just saying that it never would have happened on my watch. Cordelia: Gosh no. 'Cause you're Super Tramp.

Angel: That means, if anything should go wrong with Angelus, you're gonna have to kill me. Connor: Okay. Angel: IF anything goes wrong. Connor: I got it.

(to Wesley) Angel: You hear that? There's a sword, a sword to kill the beast. And you wanted to turn me into Angelus by having an evil Shaman cut off my head. Not that that wasn't a swell plan too.

Cordelia: Oh, no. Angel: It's a dead end. Cordelia: Who booby trapped a dead end? That's just not right.

The Beast: We could rule this world. Why do you oppose me? Angel: Rain of fire, blacking out the sun, and you just kinda piss me off.

The Beast: The boy joins his father in death. Connor: No, in kicking your stony ass.

Lorne the Host: Hate to be the little demon who cried apocalypse nowish... . but, uh... .

Paige Anderson: (eating brownie) What's your secret, Angel? Angel: I use chocolate... that's why they're brown. Which, gives them their name. Brownies.

Angel: Oz. Oz: Angel. Angel: Nice surprise. Oz: Thanks. Angel: Staying Long? Oz: Few Days. (long pause) Allen Francis Doyle: (to Cordelia) They always like this? Oz: No, we're usually laconic.

(Upon seeing Lila in the hotel) Lorne the Host: ... What in the Hell is Succubitch doing here?

Cordelia: Faith? What the hell is she doing here? Faith: Nice to see you too, Cor. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: She's here to help. Cordelia: Oh, gee, that's great wait, wasn't she convicted of murder and sent to state correctional facility for like a gazillion years? Faith: Murder two, twenty five to life- for the record.

Cordelia: Sometimes destruction is it's own reward. Angelus: Hey, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir.

Angelus: But the thing is, as far as plans go, I like to make my own. So thanks for stopping by my head.

Angelus: Hello? Hey, I've got places to go and friends to kill. Well, not actually my friends, but you get the idea.

Charles Gunn: If he pops a fang in here, thwack him where it hurts.

(about Connor) Lorne the Host: Odd bird, and gettin' birdier.

Faith: We track him, we find him, we... Angelus: - Get your asses kicked? I don't know-wild guess.

Connor: Are you okay? Cordelia: Sure, except for the morning sickness that can't tell time.

Angelus: Half of this crap is written in some archaic, proto demon cuneiform. And, I don't want to be rude, but the other half I think they just doodled.

Cordelia: ANGELUS. Angelus: Oh. Volume. Cordelia: I am not well pleased. Angelus: And I'm not well deaf.

Cordelia: Dare to seek me out again and you insolence will be punished tenfold. Angelus: Yeah, what are you gonna do, huh? Give me a migraine?

Cordelia: This isn't the way, my sweet. We should be friends, you and I. Angelus: No, and I'll tell you why: one, because, you know, I'm evil. So the whole friends thing, that's out. And two, if I did have friends they sure as hell wouldn't be living inside my head.

Angelus: Oh. Don't tell me. The rousing stiff upper lip speech. Rah-rah. Good over evil. Do what must be done. Hang in there, Kitten, it's almost Friday. Is that what the scraggly little ponce armed you with to fight the big bad bogeyman? Faith: Yeah. And this. (Throws a knife and stabs him)

Faith: (to Connor) Cut me a switch, son. There's gonna be a whoopin'.

Cordelia: Willow, Hi. Willow: Hey, how've you been? Cordelia: Higher power. You? Willow: Ultimate evil. But I got better.

Cordelia: Great news sports fans. There's been another killing... OK, maybe not great for the victim...

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I've seen a darkness in myself. I'm not sure you'd even begin to understand. Willow: I flayed a guy alive and tried to destroy the world. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Oh... so... Willow: Darkness. Been there. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Yeah. Well I never flayed... I had a woman chained in a closet. Willow: Well hey. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: No, it doesn't compare. Willow: No, dark. That's dark. You've been to a place.

Angelus: I'm in hell. This is hell and I'm in it. Faith: Reliving Angel's good deeds, you are in hell. Wicked.

Faith: Seriously man, did you miss the invention of the bath?

(Seeing Angel in a flash back) Angelus: Oh no, I remember this. I remember this place. I gotta get out of here. Faith: Why, you freakin' out? Angelus: It's coming, again. Faith: What's coming? Angelus: I can't do it. I won't. (Angel runs in front of a speeding car) Faith: Angel get out of the road. Angelus: Arrrgh. No. Faith: (laughing) Dude, you just rescued a puppy.

(upon meeting Connor) Willow: You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.

Charles Gunn: Go on, English, make your move... because it'll be your last.

(On seeing Wesley) Willow: Oh, and it's the Marlboro man. Or at least his extra-stubbly, mentally unstable, insomniatic first cousin of... oh, for the love of Hecate, somebody stop me.

Angelus: That hurt, baby. Kinda liked it. How about you? There's my girl. Knew she was in there somewhere dying to come out and play again. I know how it feels. Forced to be someone you're not. Hurts to the bone. You try to bury the pain, but you can't get the hole deep enough, can you? No matter how much you dig, it's still there. Broken shards stabbing every time you breathe, cutting you up inside. You know, there's only one way to make the pain stop. Hurt someone else.

Lilah: It's Thursday, which means everyone who should be in the weekly briefing is, um, dead.

Connor: Where are those people? Jasmine: I ate them. Connor: Cool.

Angel: I mean, stranger things have happened. Fred: Like Cordelia giving birth to a beautiful ebony goddess? Angel: Not the example I was looking for, but yeah.

Allen Francis Doyle: (his last line) Too bad we'll never know (morphs into his demon face) if this is a face you could learn to love

Allen Francis Doyle: (after Angel recieves the Gem Of Amara, a ring that allows the wearer to become unkillable) Why don't you put it on and I'll stake you. It'll be fun! Angel: Maybe later Allen Francis Doyle: What, are you out of your mind? Angel: I said, maybe later Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah... Angel: Doyle!

Cordelia: Wait! Ahh! A vision! I'm having a vision. A demon, a creepy, little - you! It's definitely you! In great, great... Barney: Danger? Cordelia: Pain! (knees him between the legs)

Lindsey McDonald: Boo-hoo! Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand!

Allen Francis Doyle: Everyone just simmer down here, violence is not gonna solve a thing, okay? (headbutts the guy) On the other hand, it is rather festive.

Gunn: What the hell are you talking about? Cordelia: It's called kidnapping a minor, hair club for men!

Lorne the Host: And tonight playing the role of Judas Iscariot - Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.

Allen Francis Doyle: The good fight yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Y'know, back in my days as a rogue demon hunter, I once used that very spear to pin down what I thought was a small Rodentius demon. Of course, the poodle's owners weren't very happy.

Cordelia: God, I really wish she wouldn't leave her toys laying around. Charles Gunn: Ooh, pretty wicked looking toy. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device. Cordelia: Or it makes toast. With her you never know.

Angel: (to Buffy) That's great. Its nice... you moved on. I cant. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.

Connor: I'll kill you. Angel: It'll pass. Lorne the Host: Yeah, 'cos Lord knows he's never tried that before.

Angelus: (to Connor) And now my boy's in love, all hearts and flowers. But, doesn't it freak you out that she used to change your diapers? I mean, when you think about it, the first woman you boned was the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. Doin' your mom and trying to kill your dad. Hmm, there should be a play.

Cordelia: I miss that smell Wes: Camembert, I believe. Cordelia: No, MONEY!. I miss the smell of money. Angel: She's not just saying that, I hide some in the office some times just to watch her, it's uncanny.

Angel: (as Liam) It's the devil. It's the devil! Cordelia: My hair?

Lorne the Host: (after the show has returned from commercial break) Well, those were some exciting products, am I right? Let's all think about buying some of those.

Faith: Because I'm dying, dumbass... Way I figure, I got one last job. Babysit the psycho until they shove a soul up your... Angelus: Not gonna happen. Faith: Then I'm... whatever. Dust in the wind. Candle in the wind. There'll be a general wind theme.

Vyasa: You're funny, vampire. I bet you'll be a lot funnier when I punch your face in. Angel: What, like funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?

Charles Gunn: You want to give us your evil law firm? We ain't lawyers. Fred: Or evil. Currently.

Allen Francis Doyle: You know, there's a lot of people in this city that need helping. Angel: So I noticed. Allen Francis Doyle: You game? Angel: I'm game.

Barney: You're him, right? You're the guy. The vampire with a soul. Angel: I'm Angel. Barney: You gotta help me. That's what you do, right? Help the helpless? Protect the, what do you call it? The helpless.

Angel: For a taciturn shadowy guy, I've got a big mouth.

Gunn: Whoo, Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe 'em. Damn, here it is. Evil white folks really do have a Mecca. Now, now, now girls, don't get all riled up. (screams) Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assaulting me up in this haven of justice? Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, y'all can cater to the demon... cater to the dead man... but what about the black man?

Penn: We were to meet in Italy, remember? Angel: I remember. Penn: Well, I waited. Hell, I waited until the 19th century. What happened? Angel: Got held up in Romania. Penn: Romania? What's in Romania? Angel: Gypsies.

Angel: (concerning Spike's soul) Fair? You asked for a soul. I didn't. It almost killed me. I spend a hundred years... trying to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent three weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine. What's fair about that?

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?" Fred: What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: You're run-on sentences have got a lot less pointless Fred: Oh, that's so sweet. (beat) And a tad condescending.

Angel: Harmony. Harmony: Hey. Boss. Angel: You're my secretary? Harmony: (sighs) Hello. Assistant. Angel: Explain why I shouldn't kill you? Harmony: Secretary's fine. Angel: No, it's not fine. Where is it fine? You've been working here? Harmony: Yeah-huh. Angel: Why? Harmony: Well, duh. I'm a single undead gal trying to make it in the big city - I have to start somewhere and they're evil here. They don't judge. They've got the necrotempered glass - (does a little dance) no burning up - a great medical plan, and who needs dental more than us?

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Spike. Angel: Spike. Harmony: Blondie Bear?

Allen Francis Doyle: (trying to do a spell) Oh, man, Latin. One of those dead languages you always mean to learn.

Cordelia: Maybe he has an accomplice, or a hidden camera. Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural, you know. Angel: Not everything, but Doyle had a vision. Cordelia: Which last time led to a sex-changing-body-switching-tear-your-innards-out-demon, right. I guess they don't call you for their every day cases.

Melissa: Oh, no. I like it. As long as you're not bored. Allen Francis Doyle: No, no, I'm good. I have a word jumble right here. That should keep me occupied, sadly, for most of the day.

(after one of Doyle's visions) Allen Francis Doyle: There is a young guy. Angel: Where? Allen Francis Doyle: Vampires have a nest downtown. Poor kid's gonna be the entree. Angel: Let's go. Come on. Allen Francis Doyle: Everybody's got dinner plans but us.

Lorne the Host: What's to understand? You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was laying next to him, and went, "gueeeyah."

(Angel dials the phone incorrectly in his new office) Automated voice: You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats, please press "1" or say "goats". To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key.

Spike: Hey, Angel's getting some. Good on you mate.

Harmony: Oh, my God. They shot Lorney-Tunes.

Angel: Eve. So I guess we should, I don't know, talk? Eve: About what? Angel: About what happened back there with us. Eve: Angel, it's not like this is the first time I've had sex under a mystical influence. I went to U.C. Santa Cruz.

Spike: You pissed in the Big Man's chair? That's fantastic. Gunn: Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy? Spike: What, the Lorne thing? Worn off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

Wesley: We need you. Faith: Well, er... hate to wet the paper for you Wes, but I'm kinda unavailable right now... maybe you wanna check back in a few decades when my parole comes up. Wesley: You need to know... Faith: It's Armageddon again, I dig. Last thing you need is me in the mix. Besides, Angel comes shinin' through in the end like he always does. Wesley: Angel's gone, Faith. Angelus is back. Faith: Step away from the glass.

(after Faith slays a couple of vampires) Wesley: Thought you could use a little release. Feel natural? Faith: It's like ridin' a biker.

Lorne the Host: Back in Pylea they used to call me 'sweet potato.' Connor: Really? Lorne the Host: Yeah, well, the exact translation was 'fragrant tuber' but...

(Fred and Gunn are running down a dark alley, they round a fence corner and pile into Gunn's truck) Gunn: Are you okay? Fred: No. You? Gunn: No. Fred: It's nice we still do these things together.

Spike: (sees Harmony) Oh, God, I must be in hell. Lorne the Host: Actually, LA. But, don't worry, a lot of people make that mistake.

(after finding a room full of human corpses) Spike: I bet the poor guy's lonely. Throws a surprise party for himself every night. Maybe even gets lucky every once in a while. (Angel looks at him weirdly) What? They won't mind.

Lilah: You're a really remarkable man, Angel. Angel: And you're an evil bitch.

Spike: Drusilla made me a vampire. You made me a monster.

Spike: You never knew the real me. Too busy trying to see your own reflection... praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you. Angel: No. You're less. That's why Buffy never really loved you: Because you weren't me.

(Andrew, this being the first time he has seen Spike since Spike died, hugs an uncomfortable looking Spike) Andrew: It's like Gandalf the White returning from the pit of the Balrog. He lives, Frodo, he lives.

Angel: I guess I've been feeling a little rocky. Lorne: Yeah, you're rocky all right, and Rocky two and half of the one with Mr T.

(after Spike explains to Andrew the smell of blood tastes like pennies) Spike: The scent's getting stronger. Andrew: Like nickels?

Cordelia: Oh, and you're welcome. Angel: (answers the phone) Hello? Yes, I know. She's... but that's impossible. She's standing... (Cordelia is gone) I'm sorry. Yeah. When did she die? Did she um... she never did wake up? I see. (hangs up) Thank you.

Cordelia: I thought he had a soul. Spike: I thought she didn't. Cordelia: I do! Spike: So do I! Cordelia: Clearly, mine's better.

Angel: Harmony, guard Eve. She moves, EAT her. Harmony: Really? Thanks.

Cordelia: Spike's a hero and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated. What frickin' bizzaro world did I wake up in?

(about Nina's advances) Wesley: How did you respond? Angel: Well, of course I ignored her completely, changed the subject and locked her in a cage.

Nina: Is there a reason you won't look at me? Angel: Uh... because I'm under my desk?

Spike: You're a bloody puppet!

Angel: What are you all looking at? Well? Spike: They're looking at the wee little puppet man.

Angel: I got turned into a puppet last night. Nina: Oh... wow... are you okay? Angel: I'm made of felt... and my nose comes off.

Angel: Stupid fingers! Stupid string!

Fred: It's my boys. I haven't had this many strapping guys at my bedside since that night with the Varsity LaCrosse team. It was a joke.

Spike: This goes all the way through... to the other side. So I figure, there's a bloke, somewhere around... New Zealand, standing on a bridge like this one, looking back down at us. All the way down. There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known.

Spike: You just want it to be the way you want it to be. Angel: It's not about what I want! Wesley: Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing? Angel: No. Wesley: It just... sounds a little serious. Angel: It was mostly... theoretical. We... Spike: We were just working out a b- Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win? Wesley: Ah. You've been yelling at each other for 40 minutes about this? Do the astronauts have weapons? Angel: Spike: No.

Gunn: If he ain't dead, I'm gonna kill him.

Fred: Handsome man saves me. Angel: That's how it works. Let's get crackin' (they leave; to Wes) Fred: Hmph. 'Get crackin'? He's such an old fogy.

Fred: I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not scared... Please, Wesley. Why can't I stay?

(On a private jet to England in an attempt to save Fred) Angel: Can't lose her, Spike. Spike: We won't. Angel: I lost Cordy.

Fred: My boys. I walk with heroes. Think about that. Wesley: You are one. Fred: Superhero. And this is my power: to not let them take me. Not me.

(replying to Fred's comment on how they still had Wolfram & Hart as a place to get help to find Angel) Gunn: Right, we'll just stroll into their heavily guarded law offices, and as Lilah the evil bitch queen for help in finding out what's happened to their arch enemy, but we're kind of broke so it's going to have to be pro bono."

Fred: (to Gunn) It's going to be ok, Angel and Cordy are out there. And no matter what the Powers-The-Screw-You throw at us, we're going to find them.

(to Connor, whom she just found out betrayed Angel) Fred: I know you're still hurting, but I promise... it's not nearly as much as you're going to hurt for what you did to your father.

Gunn: (to Connor on Angel's return) That's right, Sparky, daddy's coming home. And I'm guessing there's going to be a spanking.

Angel: Wesley told me everything that's been going on. So as far as I'm concerned, what you deserve rests on one answer. Did you do something to Cordelia? Connor: No. Fred: He's lying. Connor: No, I'm not. Charles Gunn: No way she just happened to disappear the same night. Connor: I'm telling the truth! Angel: I can tell. You've done enough lying for me to tell the difference. truth has a better sound to it. Less nasal, you know.

Spike: She's too far gone to help. She's... one of us now. She's a monster. Angel: She's an innocent victim. Spike: So were we... once upon a time. Angel: Once upon a time.

Darla: What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts; even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that.

Angel: (to Spike) This isn't a meeting, this is you being annoying.

Angel: (about Fred) I should never have brough her here. I should have known... bad things always happen here. Spike: Hate to break it to you, mate, but bad things always happen everywhere.

Spike: You're fixing to do something stupid, aren't you? Angel: Done it. I came here.

(after the Senior Partners find Eve) Eve: You bastard, you told them! Angel: Wasn't me!

Angel: Gunn, you payed a high price for what's inside that head of yours... use it.

(Lindsey and Trish kiss as their son Zach bounces on the bed) Zach: Stop it! That's how I get sisters.

Gunn: Where we're goin', not in the Thomas Guide. Spike: There's going to be fire.

Lindsey McDonald: Angel... (sees the knife on Angel's belt) Lindsey McDonald: ... make it quick. Angel: If I was gonna kill you I definitely wouldn't make it quick.

Spike: (walks outside to find the Camaro missing) Didn't we have a car?

Spike: (seeing instruments of torture in the basement of Lindsey's "house") Somebody has fun with these.

(Gunn has to take Lindsey's place in hell) Angel: You knew. Gunn: Little thing about atonement.

Eve: Hurry! Lorne: What do you call this?

Spike: (after landing on the hood of one of Angel's cars when coming back from "hell") I'm on fire! (looks down) Spike: Oh. Never mind.

Lorne: Where's Gunn? (pause) Lorne: Angel? Angel: He, uh - he stayed behind. Lorne: Stayed behind? But you never leave a - (Angel gives him a look) Lorne: Oh, I guess we do. That's what we do now.

Angel: (about Eve's replacement as the Senior Partner's liason) Damn... he is well dressed.

Spike: (Eve's replacement as the Senior Partner's liaison reaches in his jacket pocket and pulls out a pen) Wow. I didn't see that coming.

Lindsey McDonald: Look, it's my hero. Angel: I'm not your hero. I'm your warden. Lindsey McDonald: It's all in how you look at the glass.

Lindsey McDonald: (to Eve after she signs a paper signing over her immortality) Still happy to see me?

Lindsey McDonald: Hereos don't accept the world the way it is... they fight it.

Lindsey McDonald: The war's here, Angel, and you're already two soldiers down.

Cordelia: We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. I'll be seeing you. (coming back to kiss Angel) Oh, what the hell. One for the road?

Wesley: In a sense. The human eye is only capable of registering a small portion of the electromagnetic spectrum, but if Brewer was somehow equipped to see outside that range... Cordelia: She'd be Superman. What's the diff' in how she sees, anyway? So she can get a look at the bars of her cell. Why are we still talking about this?

Elliot: Tempered Lucite. Angel: He's gonna seal us in. Turn on the gas. Gwen: What are you, Lex Luthor?

Spike: Bugger that. Do it yourself.

(sees himself transparent sticking out of Angel's office desk) Spike: Bugger.

(asking Eve) Lorne: This thing comin' after you, how bad on a scale of, say, one to Terminator?

Spike: And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be led around by... Fred: E-excuse me? Wesley: Did, did you just say, Spike has a soul? You never said. Angel: Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know. Gunn: Seems to be a lot of that. Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club, another vampire with a soul in the world. Angel: You're not in the world... Casper.

Andrew: Spike, is Angel crying? Spike: No. Not yet.

Spike: I just wanna see you happy. Well not too happy or else I'll have ta stake ya. On second thought have at it.

Angel: 'Course he is. He's screwin' us. He's screwed us before, and he's screwin' us now. Spike: Yeah. Every time we hear his bleedin' name, we end up standin' in the strada holdin' the bag.

(about Angel's master plan for taking down the Circle of the Black Thorn) Lindsey McDonald: I'm in if you want me. Angel: I want you, Lindsey. Angel: I'm thinking about rephrasing that. Lindsey McDonald: I really wish you would.

(to Lorne) Host's Elder: May you rot in Tarkna! (slams door as Lorne's Elder walks inside) Numfar, do the Dance of Shame.

(Angel discusses his plan for the Final Battle) Angel: This may come out a little pretentious... but... one of you will betray me. (Spike eagerly raises his hand. Angel ignores him) Angel: Wes. Spike: Oh. Can I deny you three times?

Angel: How old were you when you realized you could track like this? Connor: I don't know. Five, six. We didn't exactly celebrate birthdays in Quor-Toth. Holtz made up a game so I could practice. Angel: Oh, you mean he'd hide things for you to find? Connor: Kinda. He'd tie me to a tree and then run away. Angel: What? Connor: One time it only took me five days. Angel: Five days. He abandoned you and... Connor, that's terrible. That's... Connor: Why I'm so good at tracking.

Lorne the Host: You know what they say about people who need people... Connor: They're the luckiest people in the world. Lorne the Host: You been sneaking peeks at my Streisand collection again, kiddo? Connor: Just kinda popped out.

Angel: Dumb idea for such a smarty. You know bullets don't kill me. Wanna see how they work on you?

(Angel, as a puppet, gets more and more angry while watching "Smile Time") Angel: Wes, put the Special Ops team on Red Alert! Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Red Alert? Angel: I want helicopters and tear gas! Gunn: Angel, we... Angel: This is WAR! Lorne the Host: Angel, baby, muppet, pumpkin, um... this show is number one in it's time slot. Tykes love it all across the southland. We can't just toss a Jihad at their studio. Angel: Ohh, right.

(facing an endless unslaught of demons) Gunn: Okay, you take the 30, 000 on the left... Illyria: You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best. Gunn: Then let's make it memorable.

Fred: Can I say somethin about destiny? Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes, we'll fight it and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. Cuz destiny is just another word for inevitable, and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say "you're evitable!"

Daniel Holtz: Is this the part of the tale where the demon offers the broken man a chance to change all that? Sahjhan: I'll take you to them. Two centuries into the future. Daniel Holtz: Through black magic and sorcery... Sahjhan: No, on a mule cart. Of course through black magic and sorcery, I'm a demon.

Lindsey McDonald: You don't trust me. You don't think a man can change? Lorne the Host: It's not about what I think. This was Angel's plan. Lindsey McDonald: Come on. I could sing for you. Lorne the Host: I've heard you sing. (takes out a gun with a silencer and shoots Lindsey twice in the chest) Lindsey McDonald: Why, why did you... Lorne the Host: One last job. You're not part of the solution, Lindsey. You never will be. Lindsey McDonald: You kill me? (collapses to the floor) A flunky? I'm not just... Angel... kills me. You don't... Angel... (his body goes limp) Lorne the Host: (sighs, looks down) Good night, folks. (drops gun on floor as he walks out)

Marcus Hamilton: Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. I am a part of them. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart. Their strength flows through my veins. My blood is filled with their ancient power. Angel: Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said?

Gunn: (looking at a delivery Angel just recieved) Some kind of boomerang vamp-stake? Angel: No, they're itty-bitty hockey sticks!

Cordelia: (to Fred) Wow! Next to you, I'm down-right linear.

Angel: I've been posessed by old lovers before, it never goes well.

Lorne: I'm selling him to the next vampire cult.

Spike: You're a bloody puppet.

Illyria: (Wesley has been fatally stabbed) You'll be dead in moments. Wes: I know. Illyria: Would you like me to lie to you now? Wes: Yes, thank you. Yes. (Illyria morphs into Fred) Hello there. Illyria: (as Fred) Oh Wesley. My Wesley. Wes: Fred, I've missed you. Illyria: It's gonna be okay. It won't hurt much longer and then you'll be where I am. (Begins crying) We'll be together. Wes: I love you. Illyria: I love you. My love. Oh, my love.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Did the Call of Magic bring you here? Willow: Well, it was more like the "Call of Fred".

Illyria: I wish to keep Spike as my pet.

(due to a spell, Angel can't remember anything past the age of seventeen) Angel: I'm supposed to be evil, but they attack me without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father. Connor: Fathers. Don't they suck? Angel: Say one thing, then... "Be good. Fear God. Do as you're told." And the whole while I know good and well, he's had his share of sinning. Connor: Sounds kinda like my father. Angel: Is he a self-righteous bastard? Connor: You'd be amazed.

Gunn: What the hell are you talking about? Cordelia: It's called kidnapping a minor, hair club for men.

(Lindsey dials his cell phone after Angel kills Russell Winters) Lindsey McDonald: Set up an inter-office board meeting at 4: 00 PM with all the associates and division heads present. It seems we have a new player in town. No, no, there's no need to disturb the senior partners with this. Not yet.

Gunn: Wes, what the hell happened to you? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me.

Lindsey McDonald: Everybody goes on about your soul. A vampire with a soul. Nobody ever mentions the fact that you're really a vampire with big brass testes.

Charles Gunn: Any word on Wes? Illyria: Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence. Spike: Well, wishes just happen to be horses today. Angel: (Looking at the approaching mob of demons) Among other things.

Willow: We should probably start the debriefing. Where's Cordy? Connor: Unfortunately, the guy you're all trying to magically re-ensoul shot her with a crossbow. She's not up for visitors.

Cordelia: (magically battling Willow) You wanna go, Glinda? We'll *go.*

Roger Wyndam-Pryce: Spike. Spike: You've heard of me. Roger Wyndam-Pryce: No, we've met. 1963, my colleagues and I fell upon you slaughtering an orphanage in Vienna. Killed two of my men before you escaped. Spike: Oh. (pauses) How've you been?

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: The first lesson a watcher learns is to separate truth from illusion. Because in the world of magics, it's the hardest thing to do.

(Spike is getting drunk in a bar populated by rough bikers) Spike: Nice crowd. Bartender: It can get pretty ugly in here, I gotta warn you. Spike: That's what I'm after. (drinks another shot of liquor) Spike: A couple more shots of courage, and I may make my presence felt. Bartender: Your funeral. Spike: Well, I never had a proper one.

Angel: Lorne told you to pee all over the office? Gunn: Lord, I hope so.

Fred: (after Angel's been turned into a puppet) Oh, my God! Angel you're... cute. Angel: Fred, don't. Fred: Oh, but the little hands! And the hair. Angel: Hey, you're fired.

Angel: Faith, I'm not perfect. Even with a soul I've done things I regret. I even liked those Manilow concerts. Angelus: Son of a bitch.

Angel: But she's not done baking yet! I gotta wait 'til she's done baking. You know, 'til she finds herself. 'Cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waitin' patiently, and meanwhile (shouting) Angel: The Immortal's eatin' cookie dough! Andrew: Spike, is Angel crying? Spike: No. Not yet.

Lindsey McDonald: It's a secret society. Gunn: Never heard of it. Lindsey McDonald: That's cause it's *secret*.

Lorne the Host: Hey, listen, crumbcakes. When you're ready to splash back into that acting pool, just say the word. I'll have you lunching with Colin Farrell like that. Cordelia: Who's Colin Farrell?

(Lilah has told Linwood Murrow about her conversation with the Senior Partners) Linwood Murrow: (incredulous) Are you going over my head? (Lilah taps her PDA. A blade snaps out of Linwood's chair, neatly decapitating him) Lilah Morgan: No. Just under it, actually.

Spike: So the bloody kid came back for revenge. Angel: I don't think that's why he came back. Spike: Then what for then? Angel: A reason.

Flapper: You saved her, mister! Gee, what can I do to thank you? Angel: Beat it, Betty. Scram! Flapper: Well, pound snow, ya mook!

Wes: You recall earlier this morning that mix-up with the dentist's mail and newspaper? That's when I saw this. (he shows her a newspaper clipping) Cordelia: Oh, my God! You cut up Dr Folger's newspaper? You're going to get us kicked out of this building.

Cordelia: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh, wait, I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. No, had that one down, too. Ahh, sex is bad? Angel: We all knew that. Cordelia: Okay. I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.

Angel: (fighting a demon) Watch his tentacles! Cordelia: Excuse me? Wes: Tentacles. Cordelia: Oh.

Cordelia: I want to go home. I want to be in my bed. I want to order some Thai food. I want to read the latest issue of Marie Claire. I want to be doing anything but shoveling demon horse poo!

Cordelia: (about security guard) You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by? Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam. Cordelia: What did you just call me? Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid. Cordelia: No, after that.

Gwen: (to Angel) You're really going to use that Axis thing to find her, aren't you? Figures. Anyone that bad at stealing stuff has got to be doing it for love. Bummer.

Angel: I know you're there. Watching me. Cordelia: Oh, my God, Angel! You can hear me? I so love you! You don't know what it's been like. Fred: We weren't spying. Cordelia: Oh, for crap's sake.

Cordelia: Maybe I was gonna tell you to back off, buddy. Maybe you were coming on too strong harassing me in the workplace. Maybe I had a red-hot restraining order in my mitts. You ever think of that? Angel: I was never in the workplace, I Well, there was that one time with the the ballet and the stripping and the roundness, but that was a spell. And we were meeting in Malibu on the bluffs at night. That's a pretty romantic restraining order!

Cordelia: Doyle pissed me off so righteously going out like that. But he knew. He knew what he had to do, didn't compromise. Gave his last breath to make sure you'd keep fighting. I get that now.

Angel: Ours is a forever love. Spike: I had a relationship with her, too. Angel: Okay, sleeping together is not a relationship. Spike: It is if you do it enough times.

Angel: The powerful control everything, except our will to choose.

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