All That Jazz
1979
Joe Gideon: To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.
Joe Gideon: It's show time, folks.
Angelique: Do you believe in love? Joe Gideon: I believe in saying, "I love you."
Joe Gideon: Katy, I try to give you everything I can give. Kate Jagger: Oh, you give all right - presents, clothes. I just wish you weren't so generous with your cock.
Victoria: Well, you're right. I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. I look at the mirror and I'm ashamed. Maybe I should quit. I just can't seem to do anything right. Joe Gideon: Listen. I can't make you a great dancer. I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But, if you keep trying and don't quit, I know I can make you a better dancer. I'd like very much to do that. Stay? Victoria: Are you going to keep yelling at me? Joe Gideon: Probably.
Audrey Paris: Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show? Joe Gideon: Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart! Honey? Baby? Can't remember her name. Audrey Paris: Dorothy. Dorothy. Joe Gideon: Who cares? Can't remember her name.
Joe Gideon: No, nothing I ever do is good enough. Not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say, "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?" Angelique: Now that's probably one of your better con lines. Joe Gideon: Yeah, it is. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it.
Audrey Paris: You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.
Joe Gideon: A great entertainer... O'Connor Flood: A great entertainer! Joe Gideon: A great Humanitarian... O'Connor Flood: A great Humanitarian Joe Gideon: And my freind of 25 years... O'Connor Flood: And my freind of 17 years! Joe Gideon: Oh boy, do I hate show business! Kate Jagger: Joe, you love show business. Joe Gideon: Oh that's right. I love show business. I'll go either way.
Joe Gideon: Sometimes I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.
Joe Gideon: If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.
O'Connor Flood: Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applaud if you want to - Mr Joe Gideon!
Joe Gideon: I always look for the worst in other people. Angelique: A little of yourself in them? Joe Gideon: A little of myself. And generally, I find it.
Joe Gideon: Don't bullshit a bullshitter
Davis Newman: This chick, man, without the sole benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!'.
Joe Gideon: I wonder if Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?
Dancer Backstage: Fuck him! He never picks me! Dancer Backstage: Honey, I *did* fuck him and he never picks me either.
Davis Newman: You know what death with dignity is, man? You don't drool.
(Katie just finished setting up a dinner date, probably to make Joe jealous) Joe Gideon: Who was that? Kate Jagger: Michael Graham Joe Gideon: Who is Michael Graham? Kate Jagger: A dancer in my ballet class. Joe Gideon: Straight or gay? Kate Jagger: What do you mean? Joe Gideon: I mean, is he looking to get laid or is he looking for Mr Right? Kate Jagger: He's straight. Joe Gideon (frowning) : And tall... (turns to leave) Michael Graham is a very tall name... (leaves room slowly but comes running back) hohoho... how dare you use my phone! My phone! To call someone who is not gay! Kate Jagger (laughing) I see! You can go out with any girl. Any girl... Joe Gideon (pointing) That's right! I go out with any girl... I stay in with you.
Angelique: That's very theatrical, Joe.
Joe Gideon: (Joe is dying) Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you any more.
Joe Gideon: Stop smiling! Lay back. Lay back. Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey very good. You're gonna do it again Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, its not the high school play. Count! Hold it. Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop that shoulder. Now, that's not too hard is it? Again!
Joe Gideon: The pain is gone. I'm ok. Nothing wrong with me, a re-write of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.
O'Connor Flood: Give it to me! Bye Bye Life, Bye Bye happiness, Hello loneliness, I think he's gonna die. Gonna die. Bye Bye Life, Bye Bye happiness, Hello emptyness, I think he's gonna die. Gonna die. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Goodbye your life, Goodbye.