Alias Smith and Jones
1971
Hannibal Heyes: Don't worry, outlaws never shoot ladies. Clara Phillips: You mean they have a code of honor? Hannibal Heyes: No, they have a shortage of ladies.
Julia Finney: Are you saying I was pretending to be sick? Hannibal Heyes: No, I'm saying the doctor said you were pretending to be sick.
Hank: How's Kid Curry? Hannibal Heyes: Hank, I wish I knew.
Leslie O'Hara: (while riding in a stagecoach) Oh, we came to look at the wild West. Hannibal Heyes: I hate to disappoint you, but it's not like that any more. You couldn't be safer in your own backyard. Jed 'Kid' Curry: I wouldn't say that Joshua. One morning three weeks ago, we were on a stage that was held up. By a band of very desperate men. Margaret Chapman: You mean that could happen to us? Hannibal Heyes: It could happen to you but not to us. Not twice in three weeks. (gunshots are fired, the stage is robbed)
(first lines for first season's episodes) (narrator speaks over scenes of Heyes and Curry committing various robberies) Narrator: Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry - the two most successful outlaws in the history of the West. And in all the trains and banks they robbed, they never shot anyone. This made our two latter-day Robin Hoods very popular - with everyone but the railroads and the banks. (cut to scene of posse in hot pursuit of Heyes and Curry) Jed 'Kid' Curry: There's one we thing we gotta get, Heyes. Hannibal Heyes: What's that? Jed 'Kid' Curry: Out of this business! (cut to meeting between Heyes, Curry and Sheriff Trevors) Sheriff Lom Trevors: The governor can't come flat out and give you amnesty now. First you have to prove you deserve it. Hannibal Heyes: Ah. So all we have to do is just stay out of trouble till the governor figures we deserve amnesty. Jed 'Kid' Curry: In the mean time, we'll still be wanted. Sheriff Lom Trevors: Well, that's true. Till then only you, me and the Governor will know about it. It'll be our little secret. (cut to scene where another posse is in hot pursuit of Heyes and Curry) Hannibal Heyes: I sure wish the governor'd let a few more people in on our secret!
Jed 'Kid' Curry: Heyes, there's only one thing been keepin' you alive all this time. Hannibal Heyes: And what's that? Jed 'Kid' Curry: Me.
August Binford: Who are you? Hannibal Heyes: Mr Binford, don't you recognize your own descriptions? I'm Hannibal Heyes and he's Kid Curry. Jed 'Kid' Curry: And we don't rob banks any more. Hannibal Heyes: And when we were robbing banks, we didn't kill people. Now you've put us into terrible trouble, Mr Binford. We were doing our best to get an amnesty and you tore it all apart. Jed 'Kid' Curry: And we wanted that amnesty real bad.
(Logan and Preacher get ready to ambush Heyes and Curry) Logan: Didja have to finish the whole bottle? Preacher: Yep. That way, I can convince myself I don't know what I'm doing. Logan: You probably couldn't shoot and hit the ground. Preacher: Drunk or sober, Logan, I never miss. It's my lone remaining virtue, such as it is.
Hannibal Heyes: Clem, you're the one who used to tell us, "Crime doesn't pay!" Jed 'Kid' Curry: Yeah, Clem, what happened to you? Clementine Hale: I discovered greed.
(while Curry buys stagecoach tickets, Heyes scribbles the text of a telegram to Sheriff Trevors) Jed 'Kid' Curry: Let me see that. Hannibal Heyes: You can't read my writing! Jed 'Kid' Curry: Can you?
Gantry: You two robbed banks? Why? Hannibal Heyes: That's where the money was kept.
Winford Fletcher: Mr Powers, I can certainly understand how you became president of a bank. Powers: I inherited it.
(Powers' plan to frame Heyes and Curry for bank robbery backfires) Jed 'Kid' Curry: You know, Heyes, one basic business principle old Chester E. Powers never learned. Hannibal Heyes: *Crime doesn't pay*. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Nope. Never can involved in another man's game.
Jed 'Kid' Curry: We're going to Tombstone? Hannibal Heyes: We can be there tomorrow. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Heyes, you know who the law is down there? Hannibal Heyes: He doesn't know us! Jed 'Kid' Curry: But our descriptions are hanging on his office wall. You want a man like that wondering who we are? Hannibal Heyes: Kid, reputations are like shadows. They're usually a whole lot taller than the man they belong to. Why, five years from now, there won't be two people in the whole country who'll remember the marshal of Tombstone. What kind of name is that anyway? Earp. Dispatcher: You two made up your minds? We got a schedule to keep. Hannibal Heyes: Tombstone! Two. (buys tickets) Dispatcher: One way? Jed 'Kid' Curry: It wouldn't surprise me.
Georgette Sinclair: There I was alone in Denver, not accomplishing a thing. So I decided to do something with my life. Hannibal Heyes: In Tombstone? Jed 'Kid' Curry: That's kind of a wide-open town, George. Georgette Sinclair: I'm going to work in the Birdcage Saloon! Jed 'Kid' Curry: George, you know how most saloon girls end up. Georgette Sinclair: Fellas, I'm not going to Tombstone to work as a saloon girl... I'm going to become a chanteuse. Jed 'Kid' Curry: A what? Hannibal Heyes: (laughs) I don't know, Kid, but it don't sound good.
(Heyes has just lost all their money playing poker) Jed 'Kid' Curry: Well, as Grandpa Curry used to say, "You show me a poor man and I'll show you a man ain't got any money."
First Sheriff: Skeet Jenkins? Yeah, he lived here for a spell. Boot Coby: Just how long is a spell, Sheriff? First Sheriff: Well, his lasted about two months. Boot Coby: You mean he's gone. First Sheriff: Yup. Boot Coby: Any idea where he went? First Sheriff: Ah, down the road about a mile and a half. Boot Coby: What's down the road about a mile and a half? First Sheriff: The cemetery.
Boot Coby: Jenkins is dead? First Sheriff: Well, he hasn't admitted it, but you can't believe a word them old outlaws say.
(observing a beautiful woman at a funeral) Jed 'Kid' Curry: Nooo, that can't be George. Hannibal Heyes: Well, why not? Her father spent some hard years bein' in prison and all. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Yeah, but his name wasn't Jenkins. Hannibal Heyes: Could be an alias... I heard there are people that use 'em.
Jed 'Kid' Curry: What we've got for you is a straight 100% proposition. Hannibal Heyes: That's right, George. We want to borrow $3000 from ya and give you half interest on the deal. Georgette Sinclair: What kind of deal are we talking about here? Hannibal Heyes: It'll be money in the bank. Georgette Sinclair: My money *is* in a bank - and I'm not telling you which one.
Hannibal Heyes: We're going to have to renegotiate... maybe take half of what you get. Georgette Sinclair: Why, you're thieves! Hannibal Heyes: Please, George, not so loud. Somebody might take you seriously... and be right.
Jed 'Kid' Curry: Heyes, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we just almost get ourselves killed twice so we could get to Santa Marta? Hannibal Heyes: I gotta correct you, Kid, but you can't get killed twice. Once is the limit, even for us.
Hannibal Heyes: Kid, I think I know what that missin' ingredient is. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Brains? Hannibal Heyes: Our gal Clementine. (to horse) Hannibal Heyes: Come on, giddyap! Jed 'Kid' Curry: I still think the missing ingredient is brains!
Marty Alcott: Ordinarily, I wouldn't ask a question like this, but we're in business together. Like to tell me why bein' witnesses puts such a scare in ya? Well, I think I got it figured out. Either one of you Ben Thompson or Bill Longren? Hannibal Heyes, Wes Hardin? Kid Curry, Clay Allison? Hannibal Heyes: You keep guessin', Marty, and we'll keep smilin'.
Hannibal Heyes: Kid, you ever notice anything strange about the snow in Wyoming? Jed 'Kid' Curry: Yeah, I have Heyes... Hannibal Heyes: You have what? Jed 'Kid' Curry: I've noticed something strange about the snow in Wyoming. It doesn't melt. It just blows around till it wears out.
Hannibal Heyes: Curiosity is a vice. It's one of the few I don't have.
(toasting) Sheriff Lom Trevors: Well, here's to life! Jed 'Kid' Curry: I thought we were only supposed to get twenty years.
Hannibal Heyes: What are you sweatin' for, Kid? I've handled nitroglycerin before. Jed 'Kid' Curry: I know, Heyes, but there's always a last time.
Hannibal Heyes: Look, Wheat, I agree, we gotta bust him out. But it's gonna take finesse. Kyle Murtry: Wheat didn't bring any of that.
Telegraph clerk: Any reply? Hannibal Heyes: Yeah, but you wouldn't send it.
Jed 'Kid' Curry: Heyes, you got a good head for figures. Hannibal Heyes: Uh-huh. Of *all* kinds. Jed 'Kid' Curry: How many times have I asked you what we're doing? Hannibal Heyes: Too many times. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Well, that's a shame, 'cause I'm about to ask you again. What are we doin' here? Hannibal Heyes: We got five hundred good reasons for bein' here here, Kid. You can count 'em yourself when we get finished. Jed 'Kid' Curry: Yeah, well, I never saw a coffin yet that had pockets in it.