Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
1995
Ace: Meeting with sinister types much? A not too much, a much too much.
Ace: There's someone on the wing! Some... THING! I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Ace: The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.
Ace: Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!
Ace: I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!
Ace: It is the mucus that binds us.
Ace: Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky and loaded with danger.
(spying, sitting in a mechanical rhino) Ace: Pretty hot in these rhinos...
(Ace is chasing the villain with a monster truck) Ace: Nobody wants to play with me!
Ace: Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...
The Tiny Warrior: (shrieking in Wachutu) Ace: What did he just say? Fulton Greenwall: He said that she is not a virgin. Ace: (pause) They can tell that?
(Wachutu Chief exposes his rotten teeth while screaming at Ace) Ace: You know? Gingivitis is the number one reason of all tooth decay.
Ace: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious and the pottery is lovely. Ouda: It's made from guano. Ace: Guano! Why's that sounding so familiar? (Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl) Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings! (Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue) Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their main raw material, they're using it to made a lot of things in the village. Ace: Yummie!
Ace: Just what sort of bat are we talking about? Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course. Ace: Corpus Kilochiroptera? Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka. Ace: Shikaka... Shikaka! Shikasha! Ohhh! Shishkabab. Shawshank Redemption. ShicaaaaGO! You're outta there! Go on, I gotcha, you're out.
Fulton Greenwall: Ace, the Wachutu's are blood-thirsty. If they catch you, they will show no mercy! Ace: Worry not, my brother. For I will be as a fly on the wall - a grain of salt in the ocean. I will move amongst them like a transparent... *thing*.
Ace: Where iz zhe bat?
Ace: Die you bewinged spawn of Satan!
Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna... Ace: Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me... Your balls are showing... (smiles) Bumblebee tuna!
Ace: OK all looks good, you know, you never really know until you check things out yourself. Fulton Greenwall: Well aren't you going to go investigate? Ace: ITS DARK IN THERE... I MIGHT FALL INTO A PRECIPICE! Ouda: Here you go (hands him torch) Ace: (gives look) Spank you, Helpy Helperton...
Ace: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it!... Flick it, QUICK! (Greenwall does nothing) Okay, shall we go to jail?
Ace: Yes, how selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.
Ace: Can you feel it, Captain Compost?
Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! (whispering) Thanks for the free parking!
(with Greenwall at top of a huge stairs leading to a temple) Ace: I'll meet you at the bottom there's still one more thing I must do before I go... (close-up of slinky going down huge steps to temple) Isn't this incredible? It's gonna be some kind of a record! Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go! (Slinky stops on second last step) Awww man! Can you beleive it. It was right there!
Ace: If you were me then I'd be you and I'd use your body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!
Quinn: Something wrong, Mr.Ventura? Ace: Of course not, this is a lovely room of death.
Ace: (holding a skunk, imitating Tony Montana in Scarface) Say hello to my STINKY little friend! (lifts the skunk's tail)
Ace: That's a lovely fur you're wearing. Perhaps I could find you some slippers made from the skins of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Ace: Cadby, from the consulate, right? This is weird!
Ace: That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! Damn I'm good!
Fulton Greenwall: You must be very proud, Ace. Ace: Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, well he bends over and talks from his behind. Ashram Monk: Oh, him.
Ace: (parking) Like a glove!
Ace: (spying on the Wachutu tribe through a bush) "Wunderbar!", he exclaimed with great relish.
(Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot) Fulton Greenwall: Mr Ventura, shouldn't we slow down? Ace: Nonsense, poopy-pants!