According to Jim
2001
Cheryl: (on Jim's behavior) He's brilliant. He's pretending to be a moron to cover up being a jackass.
Cheryl: Jim, are you listening to yourself? Jim: Yes I am, Cheryl. I *am* a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!
Jim: Do you want Cheryl to make you a sandwich? Dana: I don't think that'll help, Jim. Jim: (pause) Do you want to make *me* a sandwich... ?
Dana: (to Cheryl) You're cake angry. You didn't sound cake angry on the phone.
Dana: (to Cheryl) If your gonna cry for anyone, cry for me. I'm the one who's gonna have to babysit a fourth kid for free one day.
Gracie: Trophies are stupid and all the others are nerds. It's like being with 50 other Uncle Andys.
Jim: OK, I stucked the cat in the freezer.
Andy: (telling Jim that he's found the bird they didn't want to find) Jim! B-I-R-D A-T S-I-X O-'-C-L-O-C-K! Jim: (confused) ... You want to have sex with a clock?
Dana: (trying to distract their mother) Mom, I, uh... I kissed a girl in college! Andy: Uh... me too! Maggie: Andy, don't tell stories.
Jim: Everyone, circumcise your watches!
Cheryl: (Cheryl is desperate to talk Jim out of wanting something, and is trying to think of things to replace it) How about... sex with another woman? Jim: (brief pause) You or me?
Jim: (under his breath) That's the great thing about you, honey... you remember every freakin' thing I say.
Jim: You don't even know me any more! I think we should have more sex. Cheryl: Why? Jim: Why not?
Ruby: Daddy, since Gracie won, can Kyle and I have popsicles? Jim: How does that work? Ruby: She's our sister, we're part of her posse.
Kyle: I want a sponge bath, from a nurse. Cheryl: What? Kyle: Uncle Andy says there the best! Jim: I think sometimes Andy forgets that Kyle's in the back seat.
Dana: (whilst dancing with Andy) Wow, Andy, it's like someone connected your legs to your brain.
Cheryl: Jim, there's a lot of culture in this city. We should take advantage of it. Jim: What? I take you to the zoo.
Andy: I once walked in on my grandparents doing it. I mean, Grandpa's in his 70's, but he was really putting Nana through her paces.